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Wind Change |
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They dropped their horses at the livery, and as they walked down the boardwalk, Chris stopped in front of the bathhouse. “I’m stopping here. See you at dinner?” He grinned at Vin.Vin shook his head. “And I call you a cowboy.” But he grinned back and strolled away.
Over dinner, Buck and JD went over the day’s events. The big news was Ezra, because he not only had spent all day with the Taylors, but he was also dining with them.
Buck was puzzled. “I ain’t never seen that boy do a lick of honest work. I went by today and he was covered in dirt, head to tail. He looked happier than a lost soul with hell in a flood.” Then he asked the question that Vin was sure was in everyone’s mind, “What is it that’s got Ezra acting this way?”
JD pitched in, “Maybe we should keep an eye on him, make sure he isn’t up to no good.” He looked anxiously around the table.
Chris didn’t glance up from his food. “He ain’t up to anything.”
JD looked like he wanted to ask more questions, but Chris continued eating, ignoring him. Buck looked thoughtfully at Chris, and JD caught the look and quieted.
Buck spun a tale about Delores, the pretty cousin of a local family who was new to town, and the subject of Ezra and his odd behavior was dropped.
+ + + + + + +
Ezra did spend much of his time with the Taylors at their place when he wasn’t making money at the saloon or helping to keep the peace. Jesse and Sarah didn’t visit the saloon, so Vin saw them mostly when Ezra solicited his help. Vin agreed to help several times. At first he wanted to use the time to observe the three of them, but he found that he liked both Jesse and Sarah, as well as the person Ezra was when he was with them, and he helped out because he liked their company.
Soon Vin became sure that Sarah had nothing to do with this puzzle, but that was as far as he’d got. All in all, Vin had to agree with what Chris had said at dinner that night. Ezra meant well and was happy to be with Jesse and Sarah; he wasn’t up to anything.
When Vin’s path took him by the restaurant at night, he’d glance in through the open door and ponder how they fit together as they sat and talked in the amber light. Even from the few moments he witnessed, it was clear that Sarah treated Ezra like a brother, hugging him affectionately, and that Ezra returned her affection. Vin was sure he even saw Ezra helping to clean up after dinner.
Jesse seemed like a different person in those quick glimpses. He looked relaxed, even jovial, and he would kiss and hug Sarah. It looked like he and Ezra played cards, but with no money on the table.
At the end of the week, Vin ran into Ezra at the livery as Vin was brushing down his horse and Ezra was dropping off his. The late afternoon sky was paling as it prepared for sunset, and Ezra barely glanced at Vin as he handed his horse over to Tiny. Vin followed Ezra out the stable door and leaned against the doorway, Ezra turning back and looking at him as though he just noticed him.
“Taylors are real nice folk. You been spending a lot of time with them.” Vin looked at Ezra, letting his question show in his eyes.
Ezra caught the question and Vin could see him debating whether to answer at all. When he looked back at Vin, for a moment Vin saw the sadness behind his eyes. “I am aware, Vin, that I am the object of speculation. However, my relationship with the Taylors is not something I can explain. All I can say is that they remind me of friends I had back in civilization.”
Vin nodded and Ezra tipped his hat and wandered away. Vin put the curry comb away, and walked over to the jail, where he sat outside and let the approaching night enclose him. Twilight, with its promise of night’s solitude, had always been his favorite time of day. When he was far away from everyone, he would let the obligations of the day loosen from around his shoulders. He’d let his mind wonder how so much danger could live within so much beauty, and if that was what kept the exhilaration of the desert’s beauty alive in him. But as free as it made him feel, it was also the time he was most alone. He dreamed of someone who would share stories of the coming night and who would keep him warm just by being there. But this magical person had never materialized, and Vin remained alone. When the night faded his fantasies, Vin would roll himself in the blanket of darkness, and lull his sorrows to sleep.
Tonight, though, something was different. He’d always known he’d be the last of the Seven to settle into Four Corners. But without him noticing, the nightly urge to saddle his horse had passed months ago.
+ + + + + + +
The next day he headed out to Nettie’s alone; he had tried to find Chris, but he’d disappeared again. He got to the edge of town before a horse rode up behind him. Chris.
“Nettie’s?”
“Yep.”
“Heading to the cabin. Stop by when you’re done? I got a hankering for chicken and dumplings and I make them better n’anyone.” He gave Vin a cocky, yet shy grin that invited participation. He tipped his hat and was gone.
Vin felt light as a feather; Chris hadn’t waited for an answer -- hadn’t needed to. Yet he’d acted almost nervous. Chris Larabee, nervous? Vin rode off, shaking his head but smiling at Chris’s peculiar behavior.
+ + + + + + +
Vin arrived at Chris’s place a couple hours before sunset. Chris was sitting in front of his house, chair tipped back, the same book open in his hands. He looked up as Vin approached. As Vin got closer, a wonderful aroma reached his nose. If that was chicken and dumplings, Chris had not been bragging.
Chris nodded at the corral, and Vin unsaddled the horse, then guided it into the small enclosure. He threw his saddle over a corral pole and brought his saddle bags to the porch. He dragged the second chair over and settled in next to Chris.
“Nettie all right?”
“Yep. She’s planting that plot we made for her. She’ll soon be coming in Saturday morning for market, the way she’s going.”
Chris nodded, then drifted back to his book.
They sat in silence for a short while before Vin decided to speak. He didn’t know he was going to say what he did until it came out of his mouth. “Been thinking about Ezra and the Taylors. Ezra... he’s been happy since the Taylors showed up... I ain’t saying it’s bad, but it sure is peculiar. There’s something funny going on -- I’m thinking it’s something to do with Jesse, but I can’t put my finger on it. You notice anything?”
Chris stared out at the distant hills, the fingers of his left hand tapping at the edges of the book. It took him a few minutes to answer.
“Yeah, I noticed it. Took me a while to figure it out.” Chris paused again and thumped his chair forward before continuing. “I think I know the kind of trouble they’ve had in those other towns. I think they want to keep it quiet, but I know it won’t go further than you.”
“Don’t want you betraying a trust.”
“No. You need to know, in case there’s trouble. That’ll be three of us, and I suspect some of the others, especially Buck, will pick it up eventually.”
Chris continued, “Sarah and Jesse. They’re both women.”
Vin thought about it for a few moments, running his experiences with the Taylors through his mind. It clicked: Jesse’s awkwardness around other people, his shyness, his tendency to keep out of the way when others were around.
“You reckon they’re intimate?”
“Yeah.” Chris glanced over at Vin, then stared down at the floor. “Two women who love and want each other -- they’d be safer out here if people thought they were married.” He paused. “‘Course, could be they’re running from someone.”
Chris waited, and Vin could see the tension in him while Vin contemplated the idea.
“Never heard about two women together. On the trail, I’ve seen two fellers go off together. They pretend to go off separate, but you know what they’re doing. Never seemed to be more than a bit of relief. Never thought about two fellers, or two women neither, really being together -- being in love and making a life together.”
“I saw it once -- a couple of old men’d been living together a long time. And I’d heard about women living as men. Sarah and Jesse seem to be happy, but still, it must be a tough life.”
“I reckon.” Vin had seen Jesse and Sarah act like all the other married couples he’d seen, and they were obviously in love; it made sense they’d be intimate. He could see why it would be best that a few more of them knew, in case they had problems with anyone in town, or they really were running from someone and they got found.
Still, it must be a hard road for them, pretending all the time and wondering if their past would catch up to them, something Vin knew weighed heavily on a person.
He wondered how many of the upstanding people of the town would look down at the two women and dislike them for what they were doing, if they knew about them, and that was something he didn’t understand at all. Love might never knock at your door, and if you were lucky enough for it to find you, you damn well better grab onto it and not let go.
“Hope it works out for them. I’ll do what I can to help.”
Chris looked at him, the relief clear in his eyes, but it clouded other emotions that Vin wished he could read.
He had more questions. He tilted his head to look at Chris, who’d gone back to reading. As Vin watched him, Chris looked up, and Vin raised his eyebrows.
Chris nodded, resigned. “Let’s eat first, all right?”
Vin agreed.
The chicken and dumplings were as good as promised. They had cleaned up, turned up a lamp, and sat back at the wood table. Vin was glad Chris had given him time over dinner to ponder. Because he now knew.
Chris’s book lay closed on the table between them, Chris rubbing his fingertips over the wood, then over the book, as though contrasting the different textures.
Vin was relieved that they were continuing this conversation in Chris’s little house. The growing darkness warmed him, and the soft glow of the lantern played gently over Chris’s face.
Vin finally asked, “Ezra?”
Chris nodded.
“Explains a lot. He told me they remind him of people he knew back ‘in civilization’.”
“Ezra talks a good game, but if you look deep you can see the loneliness.”
Vin’s gaze strayed to Chris, who was staring at the table. Why did he not expect Chris to have seen that?
“Well, I’m glad he’s found kin.”
Chris met Vin’s eyes. “That’s what I call it.”
Vin nodded, keeping his eyes on Chris’s. “Hard to find.”
Chris nodded stiffly. Vin pretended not to see his discomfort, but wondered what it meant.
There was more Vin wanted to know. “How’d you figure it out?”
“I’m older than you, Vin. I’ve seen more, and I’d wondered about Ezra for a while.”
“Reckon I should have seen it earlier.”
“Nah, it confused me before I got it. Got quite a surprise. But it ain’t my life and everyone’s got a right to find some happiness.”
The silence stretched on; Chris’s talking streak had dried up.
Vin stood and yawned. The night had grown dark around them while they’d sat and talked. “I’m going to sleep. I assume you don’t mind if I stay here.”
“Sleep wherever you want. There’s room in the back, too.”
“I think I’ll sleep outside tonight. Good for thinking.”
Chris nodded. “Need the lamp?”
“Nah, there’s a moon.” He paused, needing to add something, but not sure what. “Thanks for trusting me.”
Chris looked straight into Vin’s eyes, then nodded and turned away.
+ + + + + + +
On the ride back to town, Vin was embarrassed to admit to himself how curious he was to see the Taylors again, to see if what he had missed was obvious. But most of all he wanted to see Ezra, to watch him in the company of Jesse and Sarah. Would Ezra appear any different, now that Vin knew about him?
Vin and Chris paused as they came over the rise that spread the town out before them. Chris looked particularly pensive; Vin would have given five dollars to know his thoughts. Whenever he came to this place, Vin remembered the first time he rode into Four Corners. He would never have guessed back then that he would find friends here, that he would learn to trust these people to watch his back, and that, ultimately, he would find a reason to stick around. Did Chris feel the same way? They shared a glance that gave Vin no new understanding, and urged their horses onward.
+ + + + + + +
Two days later, Vin ran into Chris, who was leaving the bathhouse. Vin stopped him before he could disappear.
“You going to your place tomorrow?”
Chris nodded.
“I’ll be bringing supplies up to Nettie’s. You mind if I come by after?”
“All right.” He gave Vin a small smile and walked off.
Vin paused to watch Chris’s confident but uneven stride. He abruptly turned into the bathhouse. Something was changing for him, and although he had no idea what it was, he guessed he might as well be clean for it.
Vin didn’t see Ezra until that night, when he and the others gathered at the restaurant for the grand opening, which was a thank-you dinner for everyone who’d helped the Taylors set up shop. A few other townsfolk were invited, including Mary, in addition to the Seven. Sarah, gracious and smiling, greeted everyone at the door and ushered them in. The small restaurant contained five mismatched but clean tables, which left little room to maneuver in, especially with people filling every last chair. But everyone managed to fit in somewhere.
Vin subtly watched how Sarah and Ezra acted around the other patrons, and studied Jesse when she came out front. She was tall, almost as tall as Vin, and though she was more angular than most women, she was less solid than most men. Her short dark hair and men’s clothes disguised the fact that she didn’t have facial hair or a man’s jaw line. But her movements were lanky and long, not dainty like a woman. Sarah was in her element, clearly pleased to have a chance to do something for those who helped her, and Jesse got several compliments on the cooking.
Ezra was full of stories and insisted on helping Sarah several times, even though she scarcely needed it. She was patient with his exuberance and took his actions with good grace.
The person who was acting most unusual was Chris; he was almost as exuberant as Ezra, although in his own way. He told no stories, but he laughed with everyone else and for the first time in a long while, Vin saw little evidence of the quiet, brooding man who was Vin’s usual companion.
Vin had never seen Chris like this -- acting like there’d never been darkness in his eyes. This must be the Chris whom Buck had known years ago, before Sarah and Adam had been killed. As Vin watched his friend, he saw glimmers of the wild man Chris had been when he was younger. Chris might not want to admit it but he committed himself to whatever he did. Vin would bet Chris had put as much of himself into being wild back then, as he put into his pain now.
After dinner, most of the group headed to the saloon. Usually when he and Chris went someplace together, Chris led. Unless there was something particular Vin wanted to do, he had no problem with this; there was no competition between them. Tonight, Chris hung back, giving Vin the lead. Vin felt odd until he realized that Chris was telling him the same thing Vin told Chris daily -- he just wanted to be with him.
The two of them settled at a side table in the saloon. Chris bought beers for Vin and himself, and they sat back and watched the other five play a friendly game of poker.
Chris pulled his book from his pocket and laid it on the table, even though it was too dark to read. Vin watched Chris’s fingers spider along the edge of the cover. Although this book had thoroughly captured Vin’s imagination, he had wondered for a long time what books were about. He knew some contained stories and some were histories, but he wanted a fuller view into this world that he was barred from. Most of all, he wanted to know what Chris liked to read, what he liked to let his mind loose on. Sometimes Vin thought he couldn’t keep his questions inside himself any longer.
But that would give him away. He’d never felt second best to the men he’d worked with until he found himself in the middle of a group of people who were educated and who he respected; even Nathan, a former slave, could read. All of a sudden he had a secret. He was off balance, far behind the others, with no way to catch up. Sometimes, when reading or writing came up in conversation, he faded out to the edge of the group, then disappeared into the air. Now, watching Chris’s fingers caress his book, Vin was afraid that his ignorance would always keep him as thin as air, even around Chris. He abruptly realized that he wanted Chris to teach him to read. Heart pounding, Vin took a drink and watched Chris touch the book, his mind clearly someplace far away.
+ + + + + + +
Vin woke that night from a dream about card games, books, and luck. He lay still, knowing he had come up with something important while he’d slept, but unable to remember it no matter how hard he poked at it. He sighed and got up, hoping it would come to mind soon.
Before he left for Nettie’s, he bought and packed dinner fixings. He was used to cooking over a campfire, of course, but he hadn’t cooked many times over a stove. He’d manage with Chris’s help.
He wasn’t at Nettie’s very long. He dropped off supplies, worked for a short time on one of the garden gates, then went on his way to Chris’s.
Chris was chopping wood when Vin rode up. Vin put his saddle bag in a cool spot and joined Chris by the woodpile. As Chris chopped, Vin stacked, and in a short while they traded off.
Vin got a smile of thanks when he told Chris about the food he’d brought. They picked out the horses’ shoes and brought up water from the stream behind the cabin before stoking the fire and putting the food on to cook. They worked well together, had from the moment they met. It was one of those things that just made Vin shake his head and smile.
Over dinner, they talked about last night’s opening at the restaurant. Vin offered a suggestion.
“Why don’t you teach Jesse how to make your chicken and dumplings? Then you and me can eat them more often.”
“You liked them that much?”
“Yep.” Vin paused, almost dizzy with daring. “Like being here.”
Chris smiled, but didn’t look at him. “I like it too, Vin.”
They cleaned up after dinner. Vin figured Chris had felt that way, but he was relieved to hear it direct. Chris’s behavior last night popped into his head, and the lesson from last night’s dream finally came to him. How did Chris know about Ezra? And how did he pick it up so fast about Jesse and Sarah? He told Vin it had taken him a while, but Vin suspected that it took him less time than he made out. Why hadn’t he asked Chris these questions before? As soon as that thought crossed his mind, he knew the reason: he hadn’t been ready for the answers.
Yet asking Chris for the answers was asking him to trust Vin completely. He couldn’t ask this before showing Chris his own trust.
Vin sat at the table while Chris brought over a bottle of whiskey and glasses, sat down, and poured for both of them. “Chris, that book you’ve been dragging around -- are you reading it real slow, or are you reading it again?”
“Both, I guess.”
“You must like it a lot.”
Chris nodded.
Vin took a breath and a sip. “When I was real little, I stayed with some people who had a lot of money. I don’t remember who they were, but I remember being read to from this one book. It had a poem with a picture. I don’t remember the poem, but the picture was of the prettiest house you could ever imagine, surrounded by soft, green grass, and there was a pear tree right in the front yard. I used to think that those children must be the happiest children in the world, because they could play all day under that pear tree, and then, when it was dark, they’d go into that pretty house to their ma and pa.
“Then there was this story about animals in Africa: zebras and giraffes and gorillas. But what was funny was that this story didn’t come with no pictures. The words done made pictures in my mind, and I remember them pictures to this day.”
Vin looked over at Chris who was looking at him like he’d never seen him before. Made sense; Vin reckoned he’d never spoken quite so much in front of Chris, or practically ever. Maybe he was a different person when he was alone with Chris.
“Does that book do that for you? Does it show you pictures in your mind?” He waited and saw the moment Chris understood. Vin’s palms were sweaty and his mouth dry, but Chris wasn’t looking at him like he was stupid. Maybe he was too nervous to read him right, because he didn’t know why Chris would look at him with awe.
Chris’s voice was steady when he spoke, as though he were talking about the possibility of rain. “It’s not the same thing, just ‘cause there’s more to the pictures than a boy could see. Books show me new places and people, and they explain what they do and why.”
Vin nodded and tried not to look uncomfortable. “Thought it might be something like that.”
“Vin --” Chris hesitated. “I can read to you sometime, if you’d like.”
Vin smiled, the warmth of acceptance spreading through him. “All right.”
His smile was reflected in Chris’s face.
“When Adam died, he was five, and Sarah and I had just started teaching him how to read. He was a smart boy, like his ma.” Chris’s voice cracked and he looked away. Impulsively, Vin touched his fingertips to the back of Chris’s hand.
Chris took a deep breath and shook off the memory. “Do you want to learn, Vin? I’ll teach you.”
Vin couldn’t talk for a moment. Chris’s reaction was more than he could have imagined. “Yeah, I want to learn. Mary found out and offered to help, but she don’t have much time, and I don’t know... she’s kind of like a school marm sometimes.” He paused. “Maybe when we come out here?”
Chris nodded. “It’s between us.”
Vin didn’t want to push, but he needed their connection to scrape against his palms. “Think we might have some time tomorrow for a little bit? Or do you want to start out early?”
Chris shook his head. “Ain’t nowhere I got to be.” He gave Vin a grin which turned to a soft smile. “Tomorrow’s fine.”
There was a long pause and the air haloed with tension around Chris.
“Vin, I’m going to bed. You want to sleep outside again, or...?” The second part of the question hung in the air.
“If you don’t mind, I’d like to stay inside. I’m done with thinking.” As he said the words, he knew that his need had taken shape inside him without him being aware of it. He looked at Chris for his reaction.
“All right.” Now that Vin was sure, he saw Chris’s nervousness for what it was, even though the only thing giving it away was his inability to meet Vin’s eyes.
“What have you got back here, anyway? I ain’t never seen it.” He didn’t wait for an answer, but took the few steps needed to peer around the doorway. A thick and soft-looking bed filled the small room. It was suspended a few inches off the floor on a sturdy frame and looked like a perfect bed for both a good night’s sleep and other, more pleasurable pursuits. He had expected a pallet at best.
“Like your creature comforts, do you?” He turned back to Chris with a grin, to find him looking uncomfortable and flushed.
While he was amazed to have such power over such a strong man, he wanted to relieve Chris of his discomfort.
“Well, I do, too. Reckon I got soft, living in town.” Vin unbuttoned his coat, shrugged it off, and laid it over a chair.
“You mind if I share?” He nodded at the bed, hoping he was hiding the fact that his stomach was jumping around like a hen on a hot griddle. If there was any chance that this night might go the way he thought both of them wanted, it was up to him; Chris looked uncertain for a few moments, but then nodded and stood, pulling off his waistcoat.
Chris stripped slowly while Vin brought his gunbelt from the front room to the back room, hanging it on a peg next to the bed. They both stripped down to their long johns, and Vin stuck his thumb in the waist band of his drawers, flicking the top button lightly against his stomach. “It all right with you if I don’t wear these? A real bed’s rare enough that I’d rather go bare.”
Chris nodded curtly.
Vin pulled off his undershirt and tossed it over the rest of his clothes. Chris pulled his undershirt off too, and looked hesitant while pretending to be casual. Vin didn’t want Chris to stop now, so he quickly unbuttoned his drawers and pulled them off, tossing them over the chair.
“C’mon, Larabee, you know you don’t need to stand on ceremony with me.”
Vin stepped over to the bed, pulled the blankets down and slid in. He looked at Chris, now standing in the doorway, watching Vin. Vin patted the bed next to him, wiggled his eyebrows, and grinned.
“What’re you waiting for? Git over here.”
Chris stood still for a moment, face unreadable, then he brought his gunbelt and the lamp into the bedroom, hung them on hooks above the bed, and turned down the lamp. The bed shifted as Chris removed his drawers, and then slid in.
They lay next to each other for several minutes, Vin waiting to see if Chris would make the first move. Maybe Vin had been reading him all wrong. He’d better find out right quick.
“Chris.”
“Yeah.”
Vin slid his hand onto Chris’s stomach, thinking up apologies even as he did it. “You do want me, don’t you?”
Vin heard Chris’s sharp intake of breath, then the covers surged around Chris and his hot weight was pushing Vin into the softness of the mattress.
“Yeah, Vin, I want you.” Chris’s lips descended to his, and Vin gave in to the taste of Chris’s lips.
Chris kissed as straight as he shot. He drove into the depths of Vin’s mouth, then sucked on, and bit at, Vin’s lips. Vin would have been a little worried about Chris taking the lead so quickly, but Chris was making him feel so good and so wanted, and was, himself, so obviously happy, that he slipped into a state of relaxed bliss. Chris kissed and nipped up his neck to his ear, his touch passionate but lacking the delicateness a man would bestow on a woman.
Vin’s hands flowed from Chris’s shoulders to his back and absorbed the strength of the hard muscle dancing under his fingertips. Chris’s weight on top of him was both reassuring and the most exciting thing he could remember.
Chris was non-stop motion, tasting and kissing Vin’s chest and stomach, lifting himself back up to kiss Vin’s lips again. It was as though he wanted everything at once. All too soon he lost himself, and began rubbing himself against Vin’s hip. Vin didn’t want this to end in a mindless rut, and he hoped Chris didn’t either.
He rolled suddenly, twisting Chris under him. Chris snapped out of his haze and looked at Vin in mortification. Vin smiled at him, then dipped down for a long, wet kiss. Chris moaned when Vin pulled away, futilely raising his hips for more contact.
“Hold on, cowboy. I want you with me.” He reached between them and pushed Chris’s cock down so it nestled snugly between Vin’s thighs, his own cock rubbing against Chris’s stomach. Chris’s cock rubbed along his balls, spreading a wetness over and behind them that excited Vin in a way he’d never felt before; he thought he might have died and gone to heaven. He rocked against Chris, bringing forth a moan of desperation from Chris. He lowered his lips to Chris’s and Chris pulled him tightly onto his chest. Wrapped in Chris’s strength, Vin had a strange moment of clarity, seeing that there were vast levels of intensity to being with someone, and he had dropped onto a level deeper than he’d thought possible, with a man he’d never have guessed would take him there.
He groaned, and they rocked harder and faster as they got more slippery. Wanting these connections between them to never end, Vin came, the joy filling him down to his toes. Still panting, he pressed his legs tighter together to help Chris along, pushing Chris over the edge. As he came, he hugged Vin to him so hard Vin thought he might crack a rib. The pleasure of Chris’s release, wet and hot over his balls and ass crack, set Vin gasping with words he didn’t know how to form. Chris didn’t let go of him afterward, but instead found Vin’s lips for another sweet kiss, which continued until they were almost asleep. Waking up enough to notice that they were still uncovered, Vin slid off Chris and leaned down to pull up the blankets. As he settled in next to him, he realized Chris had already fallen asleep. Sighing with a perfect comfort, Vin rested his arm over Chris’s chest and fell into sleep, too.
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