The Art Of Living

by Turtle

This is a sequel to The Art Of Loving

This is dedicated to Valentine, Lumina~ and all the wonderful people on the Mag7 lists.

Ezra headed out of the door of his room as fast as he could manage without it appearing rude. What had he been thinking of, what foolish thoughts had been going through his mind? He had thought about seducing young JD, thought about it even though he was interested in someone else, what kind of a person did that make him. The thoughts were whirling in his mind and he wasn't paying any attention to where he was going so hitting a body shouldn't have been such a surprise, but it was. The only thing that was more of a surprise was who the body was -- Buck. //Oh gawd, anyone but Buck,// was the thought that ran through his mind. "Ah beg your pardon Mr. Wilmington, ah was not heeding my direction of travel therefore it is mah own misdeed to have so erroneously collided with your fine personage."

Buck stood looking at Ezra while the words rolled around his brain. "Ezra, did you jist say that you ran into me cuz you weren't payin' any mind as to where ya was goin'?"

"Why yes, that is the thought that ah was trying to convey."

"That's real scary."

"It's 'real scary' that ah ran into you?"

Buck shook his head and started laughing, that deep down, from the stomach laugh that always drew everyone's attention, especially Ezra's. //I will keep my hands to myself, I will not grab him, throw him to the ground and make love to him right here on the street. I am a stronger man than that!// The thought ran through Ezra's mind, this is what he had been thinking of when JD had asked about kissing, this image of Buck, laughing and smiling and //Oh gawd! I need to get out of here// now his eyes were twinkling and smiling along with the rest of his face.

"I'm sorry, didn't mean to laugh, wasn't laughin' at you Ezra. No, the real scary part is that I understood what ya said. Didn't mean that I didn't have ta work at it a bit, but I did understand it, means I must be learnin' some of them five-dollar words a yers. What in the hell am I ever gonna do with that, don't have much of a use for that many big words." Buck reached out and put his hand on Ezra's shoulder. "So where was you in such a hurry ta be that ya weren't payin' no mind as ta where you was goin'?"

Ezra found himself telling himself to breathe. Wasn't it a normal function, should his body have to be reminded to do this? No, but it was the proximity of the one person he had been thinking and dreaming about, the one person who would in no way be interested in him. A weak smile crossed his face, "Ah was headed nowhere in particular, just felt the need for a little fresh air."

Buck frowned, "Are you okay? You feelin' poorly?"

"Ah am just fine Mr. Wilmington, ah just decided that ah needed to remove myself from the Saloon and take a constitutional. Ah believe that ah'll head over to the livery and possibly take a ride."

"Ta where?" Buck looked at Ezra's puzzled look before re-asking the question. "Where ya ridin' to?"

"Oh, no place in particular, just out," Ezra waved his hand toward the edge of town, "out there somewhere, somewhere quiet. A place me and my thoughts can be alone."

"Yer sure yer okay? Ya sound a little, sad maybe. If'n ya need someone ta talk to I'll be at the jail fer awhile. I am a good listener! Maybe ain't got no answers but sometimes jist havin' someone ta listen ta yer woes is enough."

Damnit, did the man have to be so kind, it was hard enough being around him as it was. If he started caring then it would become nigh on impossible to be around him and not tell him the truth. How would he deal with that, the ultimate ladies man being told that a short southern conman wanted him. Wanted him in every way that he could get him, lusted after him, hell even loved him. Needed to just be around him as much as possible, whether anything ever happened or not. No, the moment that Buck knew that would be the moment the friendship was over, he could live without Buck's love, but he couldn't live without his friendship, without being able to see him everyday. No, it was best this way, best that he just hold it all in, he was a master at not letting his emotions show, he wasn't about to forget how when it was so all important. "Ah thank you for your generous offer, but ah do believe that a little fresh air and time to think will suffice. After all it isn't as if ah had any life-changing decisions to make. Ah'll see you later at the Saloon perhaps, maybe for a game of chance?" //Please say yes!//

"Sure, have a good ride then." Buck tipped his hat and started walking off before turning, "You seen JD? I ran into Miz Nettie earlier and she said Casey was lookin' fer 'em. Something about needin' ta say good-bye."

"Ah saw him earlier in the Saloon," //Gawd did I see him earlier, if you only knew what I had been doing with the boy you'd kill me!// "but I'm not sure where he is now."

"When Josiah relieves me I'll go lookin' fer him and see what Casey wanted. Like I said, have a good ride and I hope you figure out what ta do 'bout yer problems." Buck tipped his hat before heading towards the jail.

Ezra headed for the livery to saddle his horse and head out for his ride.

+ + + + + + +

"Heya Buck!"

"Heya Josiah, here ta relieve me?"

"Yep, how's our friends behavin'?" He motioned towards the cells where the two prisoners were locked up.

"They been real quiet and good, too bad all of our prisoners ain't this well-behaved. You seen JD at all?"

"Nope."

"Ezra mentioned he'd been at the saloon, guess I'll mosey on over there and see if he's around. You want me to have Inez send you and them back somethin' ta eat?" Josiah just sat back in the chair and nodded yes. "Have a good evenin' then, I'll see ya later."

Buck thought about where to look for JD as he left the jail, //Guess I'll start with the saloon, if nothin' else I can order up dinner for Josiah and them two boys locked up.// He reached the saloon and wandered in. "Heya Inez darlin' got a favor ta ask and a question." The hot-headed bar manager wandered over to him. "Is it possible to have some grub sent over to the jail fer Josiah and them two we got locked up, and you seen JD anywhere today?"

"First, I am not your darling! Second, yes I can have someone take some food over to the jail. Third, you just leave JD alone, he isn't feeling well."

Buck's head shot up at the last statement, "Is he sick, did someone take him over ta see Nathan? What's the matter with him?"

Inez poured him a drink and waited for the questions to end, "I think it isn't a sickness of the body, but the soul. Of course by now it probably is maybe a little of the body." Buck stared at her with a puzzled look. "JD came in here earlier after talking to Señorita Casey, seems that young Casey is leaving Four Corners and going traveling with her Tia from San Francisco. She told JD good-bye and then he came in here and started drinking with Señor Chris, then he came and asked if there was a empty room because he was drunk and needed to sleep it off."

"JD said Chris was drunk and needed to sleep it off? What's so different about that?"

Inez reached across the bar, removed Buck's hat and swatted him with it. "No you idiot, Señor Chris said JD was drunk and needed someplace to sleep. I told him that the room at the end of the hall was empty, he helped JD up and left I suppose. Poor JD, he must have been heart-broken. He never drinks so it must have hurt him very bad to make him get drunk."

Buck just shook his head at the thought of the kid drinking like that. "What the hell was Chris thinkin' of, lettin' him drink like that. I'm gonna go check on JD and then I'm gonna go find Chris and give him a piece a my mind." He nodded his thanks at Inez and headed for the stairs.

+ + + + + + +

Buck lightly tapped on the door, "JD? You okay Kid?" He waited a minute and tapped again, "JD? Inez told me you'd been drinkin', you feelin' okay?" He was starting to worry, maybe the kid was real sick and couldn't answer. He climbed back down the stairs and went over to Inez, "He ain't answerin' me, I think he's sick. You know JD don't drink, so it wouldn't take much booze ta make him real sick," he looked expectantly at Inez.

"Alright Buck, I'll give you a key. But I'm only doing this for JD." She went into the backroom and returned with a key. "If you need Nathan, yell down and I will send for him."

"Thank you Inez." He took the key and headed back up the stairs stopping once more in front of the door. "JD? Yer beginnin' ta worry me kid. If'n ya don't answer me right away I'm comin' in ta check on ya." No answer so Buck unlocked the door and turned the door knob.

The first thing he noticed was the smell, that wasn't the smell of illness, it was the smell of lovemakin', had JD brought one of the workin' girls up here to ease his heart over Casey leavin'? Buck walked over to the bed where he could see a lump under the covers and the tops of two heads. A blonde, that surprised him, he always figured JD was partial to brunettes, maybe he was wrong. "JD, son, you okay? Looks like you finally solved that little 'virginity' problem. How ya feelin'?"

A tousled head popped up from the covers and promptly pushed the blonde head further under the same covers. "Buck?! Whatcha doin' here? Ya need ta leave now!"

"Inez told me that you'd been drinkin' so I figured I'd best check on you. Decided there were better ways to mendin' a broken heart than drinkin' I see. So who is it? A blonde, I saw that much. Let's see is it Mary Louise? Fifi? That new little gal Gwen? So, how was it boy, ya gonna tell me?"

JD slid out of the covers and winced before reaching for his clothes. "You really need ta leave Buck, ya shouldn'ta done this and come in here. She's... she's real shy, that's it, shy! We best be leavin' now."

"You feelin' okay, buddy? I saw that look a pain. What happened ta ya? Hey, darlin! You best be gettin' up and gettin' ta work gal. Don't want ya to get fired now, do we?!" He leaned over and swatted the form in the bed on the ass. Suddenly there was a revolver in his face and an angry lookin' Chris Larabee behind it.

"You ever swat my ass again Buck and it'll be the last thing you do. Now JD asked ya to get out, so get out!"

Buck looked from the naked Larabee to the dressing Dunne and bells went off in his head. He turned to Chris and ripped the gun out of his hand and tossed it to the floor. He pulled back his arm and let fly with a murderous punch to Chris's face. "You goddamn son-of-a-bitchin' asshole. What in the hell did you think you were doin'? You take a sweet kid like JD and you fucked him, didn't you? Answer me you cocksucker?" He pulled Chris out of the bed and started slamming him against the wall. "Oh, but maybe you forced JD ta do that part of it, Inez tole me that he was drunk. DRUNK! I oughta beat the shit outta ya! Actually ya son-of-a-bitchin' bastard I think I will kick the shit outta ya!" By this time Chris was starting to lose consciousness, but not once had he lifted a hand to Buck. "WHY CHRIS, WHY? Why'd ya take advantage of him, you couldn't get laid any other way? I know that ain't true, so WHAT WERE YOU THINKIN' LARABEE?!?"

Suddenly there was a weight on his back and he let Chris's limp body drop to the floor while he reached over his shoulder to pull the weight off of him. It was JD and he was in tears. "It's okay, JD. He ain't ever gonna hurt you again, I'll make sure of it kid!"

Next thing Buck knew he was hitting the floor, knocked down by a punch from JD. //Who'da thought the kid had such a good right hook?// "What in the hell did you think you were doin' Buck? I told ya to leave but you just wouldn't go. Now... now you've beat the shit outta yer best friend. What goes through your mind sometimes Buck? Let's get a few facts straight here, okay? Was I drunk? Hell yes, but not so drunk that I didn't know what I was doin'. Chris asked me more'n once if I wanted ta do this and I told him yes! Did he take advantage of me? Hell no! I'm the one that started the whole thing, not Chris, me! I seduced him, and I don't regret it one damn bit. Did he hurt me? I ain't never been treated with such care since my momma died. This ain't about sex Buck, it's about love. I love Chris and he loves me, and if you don't like that, well it's too damn bad." JD walked over to Chris and pulled him into a sitting position. "How you feelin'?"

Chris moaned before answering in a whisper, "like shit, i feel like shit. guess he didn't manage to kick it outta me, he only turned me into it." He reached up with a shaky hand and ran his hand over JD's cheek. "i'm sorry, i never meant to cause problems between you and buck, i ain't worth it."

JD's eyes started tearing up, "Buck, you best go and get Nathan," he told Buck. Not turning his head at all so as not to dislodge the hand stroking his cheek. "Yer wrong you know, you are worth it. Buck will either learn to deal with it or he'll have to learn to do without me in his life. I don't want ta have ta choose between the two of ya, but if I do, I choose you Chris!" He yelled back at Buck once again. "Buck I tole ya to go get Nathan, after that maybe it's best if you jist stay out of our way fer awhile. I ain't feelin' real friendly towards ya at the moment."

Buck looked at the scene in front of him, "JD?"

"I said git Buck. Make sure ya send Nathan back."

Buck headed out the door and down the stairs. He stopped at the bar and asked Inez "Do you think someone could go for Nathan, I... I jist need ta git outta here fer awhile. They need Nathan." He looked at Inez with such a look of pleading and confusion that the woman couldn't resist.

"Jose, run over to Señor Nathan's and tell him to bring his medical bag and come here. Someone has been badly injured and needs his help." She never took her eyes from the tall lawman's face all the while. She had heard the conversation from upstairs, everyone in the saloon had, //Thank God there was only me and a few of the working girls. They're all so fond of Buck, they won't say anything to anyone.// "I'll make sure that everyone gets taken care of, you go now, you need to think on this. It will be okay Buck, just you wait and see."

Buck smiled shakily before answering her, "No, it ain't never gonna be okay. I don't know if I can forgive Chris, we been through a lot, but this might be more'n I can handle. Tell the others that I'm gonna leave town fer awhile, I need to work this through in my mind. I... I hope Chris is okay, I really do. Tell him I'm sorry. Tell JD, that I'm sorry. I... I gotta go now." He turned and left the saloon at a rapid pace.

She shook her head and looked to the heavens, "Madre dios! Please god, look out after him, look out after all seven of them. Don't let this be the thing that divides them."

+ + + + + + +

Ezra rode out of town toward an area where the creek fed into a pond. It was a good place to sit and think, shade from the trees provided a place of serenity aided by the trickling sound of the creek. He needed to think about what had happened between he and JD, he needed to get his feelings for Buck under control, he needed... hell, he needed a drink! He pulled his flask from his pocket and took a good swig, felt the burn run down his spine to his stomach, felt a few of his fears fade.

What had he hoped to accomplish with young Mr. Dunne? Nothing! The truth was he had just been transferring his own feelings for Buck to the closest person he could find, as if somehow they would find their way from JD to Buck. Not that Buck would want to know anything about them anyhow. No, it was time to display some of that famous 'poker' face and lock those feelings away inside. His mother had always told him that 'love is for suckers and marks', he'd believed that to be true for so many years. Here he was though, in love with Buck Wilmington, leave it to him to pick the most inaccessible person. He knew Mr. Tanner had spent time among the Indians, he surely understood that love transcends gender, he possibly would have stood a chance with him, //But noooo Ezra! You pick a ladies man to fall for. LADIES man, not MANS man.// He slid down next to a tree and proceeded to bounce his head off the tree several times, hoping to beat a little sense into himself.

//No Ezra, accept it, deal with it, and get on with your life. Alone!// Alone, that seemed to be the key word in his life, alone. It's how he had lived his entire life, alone. For the first time he had friends, people that worried about him and shared their lives with him and expected him to do the same. Like Buck, worrying about him feeling sad and offering him a ear to hear his problems and a shoulder to help carry the burden. The only problem being of course that he was the problem. No immediate solution came to mind, so Ezra just settled back against the tree and tried to clear his mind and, as Josiah would say, search for inner peace.

+ + + + + + +

Buck couldn't get out of town fast enough, he needed someplace to think and he knew just the place. He was a little surprised and even a little more upset to see a horse near his spot. When he got closer he could see that it was Spade, Ezra's horse. Apparently this was where Ezra came to think also. He tied up Rogue next to him, JD always laughed about the damn horses name, no matter how many times he'd been told that the horse was already named when Buck had gotten him. //Boy always says it was fate that I got that horse cuz he and I were both rogues...// No he wasn't gonna think about that now. Maybe if he was lucky Ezra would leave and let him think in peace.

He rounded the trees and saw Ezra sitting down, leaning against a tree, "Heya Ezra."

Ezra's head popped up, he'd been so deep in thought he hadn't heard the ladies man come up on him. "Mr. Wilmington, what brings you to this spot of our area?"

"Prob'ly the same thing that brung you. Need ta think."

Ezra looked at Buck's face, something was very wrong. "What is the matter Mr. Wilmington? Ya’ll look as if you've lost your best friend." He did not expect what happened next. Buck slid down the tree to land next to him and proceeded to start crying. Not just cry, but heart-wrenching sobs of pain and anguish. "Buck, my gawd, what has happened, what is wrong? Is it JD? Chris? One of us? What has happened?" No answer came, only an escalation of the tears. Ezra turned and took the man into his arms and held him like he had only ever held him before in his dreams. In his dreams though they were always happy and Buck was not happy, far from it. He stroked Buck's hair thinking how soft it was and how nice it felt in his hands. //Ezra, get your mind off of that, he needs comforting now.// He just held him and slowly rocked in place until he felt the flow of tears slow and finally stop.

"Buck, what is the matter? Is there anything ah can do to help?" Buck just shook his head and held on a little tighter. "Ah'm sorry, but you are frightening me, what could be so wrong that it would bring you to a state such as this?"

Buck started laughing, not the way he laughed in Ezra's dreams, this was a painful laugh, an angry laugh. "It's funny, ya'll said it looked as if I'd lost my best friend and I prob'ly have, both a them."

"Please explain that statement Mr. Wilmington?"

"What happened ta Buck, I liked that better."

"Alright, Buck would you please explain that statement? What do you mean you have, both of them?"

"I meant just what I said, figure after today Chris 'n JD won't never talk ta me again."

"What exactly happened?"

"I beat the shit outta Chris."

Ezra just looked at him, waiting for the punchline, surely this was a joke. When none appeared he asked, "What do you mean, you beat the shit out of Mr. Larabee? Why on earth would you do something like that?"

"It seemed like a real good idea at the time." Buck gave a weak smile before continuing on. "If I tell you the whole story will you keep it under yer hat? Don't know just how much Chris and JD are gonna say 'bout it."

"You have my word Buck."

"I went lookin' fer JD ta tell him Casey'd been lookin' fer him, checked at the Saloon and Inez tole me that he been drinkin' with Chris and was drunk. Kinda pissed me off, Chris lettin' the kid drink, he knows he don't do that much, he shoulda stopped him. Anyhow she tole me that he was upstairs in one of the rooms sleepin' it off. I convinced Inez ta let me have the key, cuz he weren't answerin' and I was worried 'bout him, he don't drink much ya know so I figured he was feelin' pretty bad by then. I let myself in and you could smell sex in the room. Ya know how it smells after ya spent time makin' love?" Ezra nodded and Buck continued, "Anyhow I could see two bodies in the bed, figured the kid had decided ta drown his sorrows with a sweet young thing, only thing is it didn't turn out ta be that at all."

Buck got up from the ground and started pacing, "I swatted the other person and tole her she'd best be gettin' back ta work, turned out it wasn't one of the working girls, it was Chris!" Ezra closed his eyes, //Oh shit!// It took me a coupla seconds ta put it all together, him and JD, naked, stink a sex everywhere. I... I kinda lost it!"

"What exactly does 'kinda lost it' mean Buck?"

"It means purty much what yer thinkin' it means. All I could think of was Chris takin' advantage of JD. JD's just a kid and Chris, he's been around long enough ta know better. I... I think I hurt him bad, real bad, I just wanted ta kill him. JD stopped me, told me he wanted it, they're in love. Told me ta call Nathan and then ta get the hell away from them, so I did, I made sure Nathan been sent fer and I left. Don't now where I'm gonna go from here, figure I can't go back there, not after that."

Ezra just shook his head, "What were you thinking of Buck?"

Buck started laughing again, "Funny you should say that cuz that's pretty much what JD said too. Told me ta get outta his life."

That didn't sound like Mr. Dunne, he was kinder and more charitable than that. "What exactly was said, the actual words, not what you think you heard, but what was said? Think about it before you tell me."

Buck sat back down next to Ezra, "JD said he'd known what he was doin', that he'd started it, that Chris didn't hurt him and that they was in love. Then he told me that if he had ta choose, he was gonna choose Chris."

"And what did Mr. Larabee have to say?"

"Not a whole hell of a lot, he didn't even try to stop me from beatin' on him, he told JD that he was sorry 'bout comin' between us, that he wasn't worth it. JD tole him that he was wrong, that he was worth it."

"Now think about what you've just said, nobody said anything about not being your friend. JD merely said that if forced to choose he would choose Chris. Chris sounds as if he feels like he does not deserve the happiness in his life, do you believe that to be true? Will you force JD to choose between love and friendship? Ah'm going to head back into town and let you have some peace. Just think about what was said and what you really think. Is it a problem for you, two men being in love, making love?" //Please, if there truly is a god, don't let him tell me no! Let me pretend there is a chance for me.//

"No, that ain't a problem. I grew up in a whorehouse, you see all kinds there. My momma taught me that love, real love was so rare, so special that no matter the shape or gender, if it came yer way then you reached out with both hands and grabbed it and held on tight. It ain't as though I ain't never slept on that side a the sheets, been a lot more women in my life, but there've been a few special men."

Ezra's head popped up as Buck said this, a kernel of hope started trying to put down roots. "Well, you just think a while. Ah'll make sure they know you're okay." He swung up into the saddle. "It will be okay Buck, just wait and see."

Buck started laughing again, this time it was more of a lighter, happier laugh. "Ezra, what's with you repeatin' everybody's sentences today. That's what Inez tole me just afore I left."

"Well, now you've heard it from two different people, believe it Buck.

Buck watched him ride off and then settled down to do some serious thinking.

+ + + + + + +

Ezra set out for town, taking a meandering route, something that afforded him more time to think. The trail that he followed would lead him by Nettie Well's homestead, now that Casey was gone it might be a good idea to look in on the older woman and see if she needed anything. He would never admit it to anyone, but he actually liked the old woman, she had a lot of strength and the fact that she had taken in her niece to raise only raised his esteem of her.

As he neared the ranch he could hear shouting, he spurred Spade on and found himself riding into trouble. Several armed men were shooting at the house and yelling for Nettie to come out, she was yelling back what they could do with that idea and taking a few shots of her own. He pulled his gun and managed to kill several of the men and wound at least a few more before feeling a sharp pain in his side. He glanced down to see blood coming from a hole in his side, someone had managed to hit him. He felt someone at his back pulling at his jacket and jerking him from the saddle, then he hit the ground with a thud. He closed his eyes for a brief moment and marshaled his strength before opening them to look a large rather ugly man in the face.

"Can ah help you with somethin' my dear man?" Appearances were everything and he was not about to let this prime example of a cave-man know that he was in pain.

"You know that ole bat in there?"

"If you are referring to Miz Wells, then the answer would be yes. If you think that holdin' me will convince her to come out, then you are very incorrect. The truth is that she does not care for me overly much."

"Well, guess we'll see about that. You best hope yer wrong mister, guess if not, yer gonna die." The man grabbed him and pulled him out in front of the house where he could be seen. "Old lady, if you don't come out of there then we're gonna make sure this here friend of yours gets hurt real bad." Nettie stuck her head out just enough to see what was going on. "I mean it, you come out or Mr. Fancy-Pants here is gonna be hurtin' real bad."

"Truth is boys, he ain't exactly what you'd call a friend, acquaintance maybe, but friend, no." Ezra smiled at that, Nettie was sticking to her own beliefs. It reassured him that everything was not wrong in this world yet. Besides he was relatively sure that this gorilla had no intentions of letting either himself or Nettie leave alive, if he could make sure she stayed in the house then she had a chance. Himself, he didn't have much of one, the funniest thoughts started to cross his mind. Things like who would look after his horse, which poor soul would have to tell his mother and would Buck make his peace with Chris and JD. That had surprised him; the youngest and most innocent of their group and the most jaded. JD hadn't seen much of life and the world and Chris... well Chris had seen way too much of both. Maybe in a strange way it made perfect sense, Chris could ease JD's path into aging gracefully and JD could help Chris find some of that peace and serenity that he longed for.

He felt a fist slam into his face, "Pay attention to me asshole!"

"When you manage to say something worth heeding, then and only then will ah give you a bit of my attention."

"Old lady, you watchin'? Yer friend, is about to get hurt even worse'n he already is. He's bleedin' bad from that bullet, let's see if we can make him hurt more." Two of the remaining group of men each grabbed one of Ezra's arms and started pulling his jacket and shirt off. "Wouldn't want yer fancy clothes to get ruined, would we now."

"Your solicitude for my haberdashery is gratifying. A little out of line for common thugs, but appreciated jus' the same."

They pulled him over to the corral and tied him up, face against the rails and spread-eagled, what ever was coming was not good. "One last time old lady, come out of we'll hurt yer friend."

Ezra yelled as loud as he could, "Madam, whatever happens, do not emerge from your domicile. Ah believe that no matter what you do or what happens, these ruffians have every intention of killing me."

"Shut up!" the thug yelled at Ezra. "I told ya lady, what happens now is yer fault."

Ezra could hear some talking going on behind him as he tried to prepare himself for whatever was coming. He heard it before he felt it, the unmistakable sound of a bull whip heading toward his back. The only thing worse than the sound was the feel, it had been years since he'd heard one, an uncle had used them on his slaves when he was a child. Well the slaves and a young nephew who refused to do as told. He felt the leather bite into his back and the force of the blow bounced his head off the railings. Before he'd had time to catch his breath there was another blow and yet another. He could feel and see the world slowly turn to gray and then black.

+ + + + + + +

Vin had decided to ride out and check on Miz Nettie, after hearing Chris and JD's stories and helping Nathan haul Chris into the clinic he needed some fresh air and time to think. He'd lived among the Indians so the idea of two men loving each other wasn't anything he couldn't deal with, it was just the idea of JD and Chris. He chuckled to himself, it had better be love else Chris would be killing JD when he never slowed down or stopped talking. Chris never talked, JD never shut-up, guess it was just gonna take time. He even understood Buck's part in all this, hell they all knew he was like a goddamn mother-hen with the boy, he just let his head overload his brain. He acted before thinking, nothing new or out of the ordinary for Buck.

He was coming up on Nettie's ranch when he heard a noise that didn't belong, a bull whip, who in the hell would be using a bull whip at Nettie's. It wasn't good whatever was happening. He rode in as far as he could without causing any alarm, then he dismounted and grabbed his rifle and snuck in as close as he could. Somebody was tied up on the corral and this big guy was using the whip on him. Vin wondered who the guy was and started looking around and felt his blood freeze, he'd seen two things that made him realize who was getting the whipping. There was Ezra's horse and one of the guys was holding some clothes, on the top was that damn red jacket Ezra was so proud of. Vin's blood went from frozen to boiling in a few seconds, nobody hurt one of his family and got away with it, nobody.

He stepped forward and raised his rifle, "Hey asshole, you with the whip." The man slowly turned towards Vin, "Put it down and raise yer hands, all a you."

"And if we don't?"

"Well ta be truthful, I'm hopin' ya don't so I got a good excuse ta kill ya." Vin's voice was calm, even, "Now, I ain't tellin' ya no more, drop it and live or don't and die. Yer choice." The big man laughed and lifted the whip and turned back toward Ezra; there was one shot and the big man toppled like Goliath. The other men all grabbed for their weapons and in just a few shots they'd joined their boss on the ground. The only man left standing was the man holding Ezra's clothes, he slowly laid them on the ground and lifted his arms. "Miz Nettie," Vin yelled to the house, "you okay in there?"

The door opened and the spry old woman came out the door. "Don't just stand there, do something with that one and then help me get Ezra in here." She headed out towards the corral where Ezra was tied up, Vin headed for the other outlaw and grabbed him.

"Pick up them clothes and head towards that corral," he poked the man with his rifle. When they'd reached Ezra he handed his rifle to Nettie and told her, "Keep yer eyes on him, maybe you could take them clothes and we'll jist make him help carry Ezra inta the house." She took the rifle and clothes and kept a bead on the man all the while Vin was untying Ezra and then while the men carried him into the house.

She opened up Casey's room and motioned for them to put him down on the bed before handing Vin back the rifle. "Vin, I need you to get me some water, we need to try to get these wounds cleaned out." Vin grabbed the other man and headed out for the kitchen, returning shortly with a bowl of water. Nettie'd gotten out some bandages and towels and once the water got there she started trying to clean out the wounds. "Vin, there's too many of them, I'm not a doctor, I'm just an old ranchwoman. You need to go get Nathan, Ezra needs more help than I can give him. You go and take that man with you and see if someone can make him talk." Vin looked at the bed and his friend, "Go! I'll do the best I can, but the sooner you go, the sooner Nathan will be here. Go!" She waved towards the door and Vin grabbed the outlaw and headed for the horses and town.

+ + + + + + +

Buck never was a complicated man, he'd thought about his actions and accepted that he'd done something wrong, he even knew why he'd done what he'd done. He always treated JD like a kid, but somewhere along the line, the kid had grown up and become a man. He'd refused to see that, didn't want to accept that JD had known what he was doing, which meant the only other person he had to blame was Chris. Chris had been around long enough that Buck thought he should have known better, but the truth was that he hadn't done anything wrong. It had been a decision by two grown men, Buck hadn't wanted to accept that, so he had just ignored what he didn't want to see. The only thing he could hope was that once he begged for Chris's and JD's forgiveness they'd understand and forgive him. He didn't want to lose either one's friendship and if that meant accepting that they were together and supporting them as much and as long as they needed, then that was what he intended to do.

He decided that he'd hid out long enough, it was time to go back to town and face the music. He mounted up and started riding home.

He wasn't even half way when he noticed dust, someone was riding hard and riding fast, usually a sign of trouble. Two people, they slowed and Buck rode to catch up. "Vin, what'n the hell are ya doin' and who's this feller?"

Vin looked at him before asking, "Buck, I cain't explain nothin' but I need ta get back ta town and fetch Nathan, will you ride back to Nettie's and help her all ya can?"

Buck just nodded his agreement and Vin and the other man picked up the pace once again and headed for town. Buck turned his horse and headed back towards Miz Nettie's, hopefully someone there could tell him what was going on.

He got to Nettie's and saw Ezra's horse and some bodies laying by the corral, he ran for the house and reached for the door to find a rifle in his face. "Buck Wilmington, are you trying to get yourself killed?"

"Nettie, what in the hell happened here?"

"These nice gentlemen," she motioned to the bodies, "thought that we should have a talk about giving up my ranch, don't know who they worked for or what they really wanted. Ezra rode in and managed to shoot two or three," she pointed towards some bodies further out, "but they shot him. They tied him up to the corral Buck, and used a whip on him, I sent Vin for Nathan, it ain't good." She opened the door and led him into Casey's room, Ezra's back looked like a piece of shredded meat. "I cleaned everything out as best as I could. I bandaged up that bullet hole, bullet went right through and was just getting ready to put some cool, wet bandages on his back when you came."

Buck looked at her and then and Ezra before asking, "What do'ya need me ta do?"

"If you could do something with that horse of Ezra's, I know how much he cares for the animal. Then if you could do something with those bodies, at least get them out of sight maybe. Then you could come sit with Ezra while I fix up some coffee and food, it's gonna be a long night."

Buck headed out to the horses and rounded up all of them, he pulled the equipment off the dead outlaws and turned them loose in the corral after filling the trough and throwing out some hay. He led Rogue and Spade into the barn and removed their equipment and brushed them both down before making sure they had hay and water. He got them each some grain and fed it to them before wandering out to the bodies. He grabbed Miz Nettie's old farm horse and rigged up a rope and pulled all the bodies down a coolie at the back of the barn. Then he finally headed back in to the house where he washed up and went into Casey's room and sat beside the bed.

He gently took Ezra's hand and held it in both of his hands, running his thumbs up and down his fingers. For the first time he was actually looking at Ezra and seeing him. He had strong hands: long, nimble fingers, hands that were good for gambling, good for using a gun, good for caring for children, horses and animals. "Why is that Ezra, why do children and animals like you so much?"

"'Cuz they see underneath that armor of his. He wears that attitude and those fancy clothes of his like armor and adults like ourselves never think to look any further. Both kids and animals seem to see right through that and see the man inside, a good man who doesn't want anyone to realize he's a good man. Why do you suppose that is?"

"You ever met his ma?" Nettie shook her head, "Didn't think so, if you had than you wouldn'ta had ta ask that question. He was saving money ta buy the saloon, actually he did buy it but his ma cheated him outta it. Told him it was her duty as a mother 'cuz he wasn't stayin' sharp. All his life he's been taught that ya never let anyone get close ta ya, 'cuz friends are just a 'liability'. Times we've been on the trail together he's had some bad nightmares, all I could ever tell fer sure is they were from his childhood and he was being hurt. See his ma just kinda dumped him wherever unless she needed him fer a con, so he never had much of a childhood growin' up. I grew up in a whorehouse, but I think I saw more love than Ezra ever did. Somthin' like that has ta scar a man inside his heart, but we're doin' the best we can to make him realize that we're there fer him, that we care."

"That explains that."

"Explains what?"

"When I was tryin' to clean out his back I noticed some old whip scars. Healed and almost faded out so you can't see them, he had to be pretty young when he got them. I know he's from the south, reckon somebody he stayed with owned slaves, maybe figured the boy was just one of them and treated him the same way. I'm gonna go keep a watch out for anymore of those men, I ain't got nothin' for pain 'cept some whiskey. Here's fresh water, pull those rags off his back and dump them in that bucket, there's fresh ones in the drawer. Get them real wet that will help ease the pain. Anything else ya need?"

"I brung in our saddlebags, look in Ezra's and see if he's got that flask of his, a few shots of whiskey won't stop the pain, but it might make it a little easier ta take." Nettie nodded and left the room. She returned just as Buck was pulling off the old rags, she set down the flask and a cup of coffee and headed back to the porch. Buck wet down the new ones and gently laid them on Ezra's back, hoping that he'd stay unconscious but that was just too much to ask. He'd just finished when Ezra's eyes started twitching and then he barely heard a quiet moan. Buck sat next to him on the bed and put one hand on each shoulder, he had an idea of what was going to happen next and he wasn't wrong.

+ + + + + + +

Ezra could hear voices coming from a distance, but they seemed to be getting closer. Just as the voices were nearing they stopped, but then something else started... pain! Excruciating pain! Why was he in pain, what had happened? Miz Wells! Ezra tried to pull himself up to check on the woman, but someone had him pinned down, who was doing this and why? He heard a voice next to his ear, soft and gentle, like the man it came from. "Ezra. Ezra, it's okay, just relax and lay back down."

"miz wells, is she okay, what happened?" came the soft whisper.

"Nettie's fine, you ain't doin' so good though. Do you remember anything?"

Ezra's brow wrinkled up in thought and suddenly the memory hit him. "they used a whip on me, but ah didn't yell, ah never yelled then and ah wasn't goin' ta yell now." Suddenly the pain came washing over him, like the waves in the ocean and he knew he was going to drown. He gripped Buck's hand as tight as he could and tried to stifle the moans.

"I ain't got nothin' ta give ya fer the pain 'cept a little whiskey." Buck reached with his free hand and grabbed the flask, he tucked it under his arm and held it while he removed the lid with his free hand, he wasn't willing to ask Ezra to let go of his other hand, the man needed the strength it seemed to give him. He set the lid down on the bed and gently poured a swallow in his mouth, when that was gone he gave him a few more until the worst of the shaking had stopped. He sat the unstopped bottle on the table next to them and started running his hand through Ezra's hair, trying to soothe him like you'd soothe an injured animal.

Ezra's eyes drifted shut, probably from a combination of whiskey and pain, but whatever the reason Buck was grateful. He started his inspection of Ezra once again. The first thing was how much muscle the man had, he never seemed to do any work, but he sure had the muscles somehow. His hair, his hair was so soft underneath Buck's hand, like silk. He couldn't help but notice how well shaped his buttocks were when he'd been changing the rags on his back, Nettie'd done stripped the boy naked as the day he was born and Buck had liked the view. He started thinking about the man's smile, those little dimples that appeared when he was happy and then there was that little gleam of mischief that always seemed so much at home in those green eyes. Buck started laughing, he was sizing up Ezra the same way he sized up the ladies, only Ezra wouldn't, couldn't be a fling. He was too fragile for that, not that Ezra would agree with that, but the boy was fragile where love and caring came into play.

Ezra's eyes cracked open, "what is so funny Buck?"

"Me, sometimes I'm such an idiot. When yer feelin' better we need ta have a long talk about what it takes ta keep ya happy." Ezra had such a confused look on his face, it was kinda cute. Buck leaned down and gently kissed him, "Ezra Standish, I'd like your permission to court you." Ezra's mouth dropped open, //Damn I finally found a way to shut him up!//

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