Vin stepped into the elevator, moving immediately against the back wall. A moment later, a briefcase was thrust between the closing doors. When they reopened, Vin saw Chris standing there.His heart dropped to the floor, pooling blood around his feet. Chris was dressed in a dark gray suit with a black silk tie. He was clean-shaven and his blond hair was slicked back. He was so handsome Vin was afraid he was drooling at the very sight of the man. As Chris nodded a good morning, Vin dropped his gaze to the floor, worried that the man might have seen the look on his face; he was then surprised when Chris made his way to the back of the nearly-full car to stand next to him.
The doors closed and the elevator swayed slightly as it made its ascent. Vin felt Chris's free hand brush against his and a jolt of electricity seemed to spark through Vin's entire body.
It had been nearly a week since their drunken encounter. Vin had been afraid to say anything. His own memories were a little fuzzy, though he knew that they had slept together — that was burned forever in his mind — but he had no idea what Chris recalled. The man had drunk far, far more, so it was possible, if he even remembered it, he thought it some fantastical nightmare.
Vin glanced down and noticed that his team leader had edged slightly away from him. Chris's hand was now safely tucked away in his pocket and remained there until they reached their floor.
Chris then strode purposefully out the elevator doors, down the corridor to their office. Vin followed at a more leisurely pace, not wishing to crowd the man if he needed space. Still, Vin's heart was racing from the brief contact they'd inadvertently made in the elevator. He knew what it was like to have those hands touching him and it hurt deep inside to think that he'd never feel those incredible sensations again.
Inside their office, Vin noticed that Chris's door was closed and his blinds were drawn. He took his desk in the bullpen area and began shuffling through some paperwork from their last assignment. Slowly, the others began to trickle in, greeting each other like it had been days instead of hours since they'd last seen each other. Vin remained quiet, trying to look focused on his work, and, for the most part, the others left him alone.
About an hour later, Chris came out of his office; he was carrying his briefcase again. He paused to look around the room for a moment. His eyes seemed to catch each of his team members', stopping before he reached Vin when he came to an empty desk. "Has anyone seen Ezra yet?"
Everyone shrugged or shook their heads, except JD who said, "Wasn't he out late gathering intel or something?"
"Or something," Buck laughed, but then stifled the sound when Chris glared at him.
"I'll be in a meeting most of today — upstairs — if you need something."
Everyone nodded, but knew that they wouldn't be needing anything. If Chris was wearing a suit and heading upstairs, that meant meetings with the big ATF brass, and that meant risking your career if you dared to interrupt them.
Just as Chris was walking out the door, Ezra was walking in, putting Chris's fine business attire to shame without even trying. Ezra brushed an invisible thread from his own lapel as he greeted his team leader with a nod.
"Nice of you to put in an appearance, agent," Chris replied as he made his way out.
"Did I miss something?" Ezra asked as moved over to his desk and sat down.
Somehow, Vin had managed to get through most of the day without screaming in frustration. It helped that Chris had been gone, but it hurt as well. He didn't know how he was going to carry on here. It had been one thing when Chris was just an unattainable fantasy. But now....He knew what it felt like to be in that man's arms, to be kissed by him, to be held and caressed. And even though Chris had called out Sarah's name, it was Vin's body that had been beneath Chris's.
And now he had to sit in the office, knowing he would never feel that man's touch again; like that very morning in the elevator, knowing Chris would pull away even at the most innocent of contacts.
Vin's stomach twisted at the thoughts and tears threatened to well up in his eyes. How had he allowed this to happen? How could he have let this go so far?
He'd ruined everything.
Again.
And soon it would become too much for either of them to contain. The strain between them would grow and the others would begin to notice. It would affect their ability to work as a team and then someone would make a mistake — possibly a fatal one — and ultimately, because of all of this, it would be Vin's fault. And then Vin would have to leave, knowing he was responsible for injuring or, even killing, one of his friends, knowing the man he loved would blame and hate him for it.
Suddenly, a blond whirlwind torn through the bullpen, finally pausing outside their team leader's office. "Hey, where's Chris?" Billy Travis asked.
Vin looked over and saw Mary standing with her arms crossed, but an indulgent smile on her face, watching her son from across the room.
"Chris isn't here right now," Buck said to the boy, remembering to avoid the use of the word ain't as Mary had previously requested of all of them. With just a few strides, the tall man had crossed the room and was kneeling before the six-year-old. "So, what brings ya here today, kiddo?"
"Came to see Chris!" the little boy said with a huge smile.
"Billy's Play Care group went to the zoo today," Mary added. "He insisted we stop by so he could tell Chris all about it."
"Well, sounds like you had fun, young man," Ezra offered. "Care to tell us about your day while we wait for Chris's return?"
Vin was almost surprised that Ezra hadn't used any real big words, and then wondered why he couldn't just talk plain all the time.
"Well," Billy began, a look of utter joy on his young face, "I saw these tigers, except they were white and there was this— Chris!" As soon as Billy saw the man, he stopped talking and ran straight for him. "Chris!"
The ATF team leader immediately dropped his briefcase, kneeled down, and then scooped Billy up into his arms. He stood up again with Billy resting easily against his hip.
"IwenttothezootodayandMomsaidwecouldcomebyandinviteyoutodinnersoIcouldtellyouallaboutit!" Billy excitedly spoke and Chris smiled at the child's enthusiasm.
Vin watched the entire scene from his desk. Chris holding Billy, the two of them standing next to Mary, like one happy family. Vin could easily imagine that very pose framed and resting on the hallowed Larabee mantel. He dropped his eyes, and then turned back to his computer, trying to ignore the cheerful prattle in the room and failing.
"So, where are we going to dinner, pard?" Vin couldn't help but hear Chris ask the boy.
"McDonald's!"
"You're all invited," Mary said, addressing the group. "Milk shakes are on me."
"Count me in!" JD immediately piped up.
"Come on, who else?" Chris asked and Buck put in his hand, as did Josiah and Nathan. "Ezra, what about you?"
"I'm afraid that I have some work to finish here, Mr. Larabee, followed by plans for the evening," he replied. "But thank you for the invitation."
Vin realized that Ezra had given him an out. He really didn't feel like staring at Chris, Mary, and Billy over a milk shake and French fries, watching them be the perfect family on a perfect family outing. It was hard enough on the odd occasion when Chris invited Mary out to the ranch to join their weekend barbecues, but at least there he could just wander off and be by himself when things got too difficult for him to deal with.
"Vin?" Chris finally asked.
"Thank you, Mary, but I got other plans, too," Vin said, trying to be polite and feeling like he'd failed miserably. But Mary nodded and smiled, as if she didn't really care whether he came with them or not. Truth be told, Vin figured she probably wished they'd all stay behind, all the better to play house with Chris and her son.
Vin then noticed Buck leaning over close to JD and heard him say, "...reminds me how good a father Chris was...."
Vin had no difficulty believing the man's statement; Chris not only looked comfortable holding Billy in his arms, he looked content. And he and Mary wouldn't be able to help but have truly beautiful children, all like Billy, with impossibly blond hair and light eyes. And Vin couldn't help but envy those children what would certainly be an ideal childhood, so different from his own.
Vin turned back to his work again. But he saw none of the words on his computer screen, none of the words on the papers strewn about his desk. And the only words that filled his mind could only be spoken to Chris: "Ya won't ever be mine ... and I can't stay here watchin' ya be anyone else's."
~ fade ~
June 2001Please do NOT repost this story anywhere outside of the Blackraptor Fiction Website.
Characters from "The Magnificent Seven," were used without permission and this story in no way signifies support of, or affiliation with, The Mirisch Group, MGM, Trilogy Entertainment, or CBS Worldwide, Inc. The M7-ATF universe was created by Mog, and extra thanks go to her for allowing other people to play within it. The story itself and any non-Magnificent Seven characters belong to the author. This story will not be sold for any reason.
Thanks to my beta reader for all of her help and encouragement!