I stood there, back against the wall, trembling with anger, frustration, and a half dozen other emotions I'd rather not admit to."I wanna go home!" I insisted again. My hands fumbled with the waistband of my pants, which hung loosely on my hips.
"I thought you didn't have a home."
He was right, I didn't, and his words had the desired effect: I hung my head and tried to ignore the hot tears as they ran down my cheeks. I had no home.
Then he just stepped aside, gesturing with his arm toward the front door. "Go, then. No one is stopping you. No one is forcing you to stay. If you hate being here so much, just leave."
He knew that I had no place to go; I had no place to call my own — no money to pay for even an inadequate substitute. I'd left my foster home almost immediately after graduation from high school. Then, Aaron and I had come here. I thought things were going to be different; I thought it was just going to be him and me. He never told me about anyone else — just a few words about a cousin and some minor stuff they'd done years ago — but nothing about David.
Dave stood two feet in front of me now. Aaron was behind him, slightly to his right, with my t-shirt clenched tightly in his hands. I looked straight into Aaron's eyes, but he offered me no help — not the slightest look of sympathy, concern, or understanding. There was something there, though, in his gaze, but I didn't know what, and he looked away before I could figure it out.
"I want—" I tried again, but the words wouldn't come. Honestly, I didn't know what I wanted. There were so many thoughts spinning around inside my head, so many emotions churning my stomach. If I hadn't been standing on my own two feet, I don't think I would have known which way was up.
I just never thought it would be like this.
"Harder, Vin!" he'd said, demanded, ordered. "I can't even feel you! Come on!"
I was thrusting into him as hard, as fast, and as deep as I could. I was doing everything he'd told me. I always did.
But it wasn't enough. I wasn't good enough. You'd think I'd be used to feeling inadequate, but apparently that's something you never get used to.
Finally, he just pushed me away, off of him, onto the mattress. Then he nodded at my boyfriend who'd been watching us. Aaron came over—
Up until just a few weeks ago, Aaron had been the only guy I'd ever kissed, the only person I'd ever ... done things with. Until we'd come here, for summer vacation — before Aaron was to head off to Stanford and I was to report to boot camp. I thought we were going to swim and hike and camp and have fun, together, just the two of us.
But I met Dave the first day we arrived.
He'd walked around me like I was a side of beef, looking me up and down. Finally, he'd nodded at Aaron — "Very nice," he'd said. "Just look at that ass—" Then he'd grabbed my butt cheeks and squeezed. I'd moved away from him so fast, I tripped over our luggage — Aaron's multiple suitcases and my single duffel bag. They'd both thought the sight of me sprawled on the ground was pretty funny. But Dave had stopped laughing when he saw that I wasn't laughing with them. He'd offered me a hand up then, pulling me into an unbreakable embrace before I'd even gotten my feet under me.
"You need to relax," he'd said, before kissing me until my head swam from lack of oxygen. I'd never seen anyone kiss like that before, and I'd certainly never experienced such a thing.
That was the beginning and it hadn't stopped since. Between the three of us, at least one was always hard and someone was always going at someone else. Or so it seemed. Only, the excitement of it, the newness, the thrill wore off pretty quickly — for me, anyway. I didn't like seeing Aaron kiss David. I didn't like anyone touching Aaron but me. And I really didn't want anyone but Aaron to ... do things to me.
But Dave had us both, like little puppies on leashes. We did anything he asked, no matter what he asked. I can't even say why. There was just something about him ... or maybe it was something about me ... I don't know. I just couldn't say no, whenever he wanted me. Maybe someday I'll figure out why.
But not today, not even after today. When Dave signaled for Aaron to come to him, and Aaron did without the slightest hesitation, something inside me snapped. Dave had pushed me aside, and told me to watch. Told me to sit there and watch Aaron do it right — watch my boyfriend fuck him.
Before Dave had finished greasing Aaron's dick, I was off the bed and across the room, pulling on my pants.
Dave was in my face a moment later, backing me up against the wall. I wasn't afraid of him, not exactly, but he was older, by a good three or four years, and had at least four inches and sixty pound of lean muscle on me. I didn't want to fight him, I just wanted.... I didn't know what I wanted.
"You won't last a day in the army, Vin," he finally said. "They order you to do stuff all the time. Stuff you're gonna hate doing, but they're gonna tell you it's for your own good. Won't be even a fraction as fun and pleasurable as what we've been doing."
"It's different and you know it!"
"There's only one difference: I care if you enjoy it. They'll only care if you get it done, their way."
"You don't care!" I shouted at him. And I believed it. After all the stuff he'd done to me, that he'd made me watch him and Aaron do, I knew he didn't care about my feelings; I wasn't even sure if he cared about Aaron. I only knew what was obvious: he cared about himself, about what he got out of it.
When I didn't run, when I didn't do more than just stand there taking in deep, gasping breaths, Dave placed an arm against the wall, blocking the escape he'd only a few moments ago offered me. Then he leaned in close.
His voice was low, though not a whisper that I had to strain to hear. "Don't ask; don't tell. That's their policy. Be prepared, that's mine. You're going to spend four years surrounded by thousands of men. You won't be the only gay one — not by a long shot — even if no one will admit to it. And I can tell you right now, knowing how to use your mouth, your dick, and your ass is going to be just as important to your survival as knowing how to shoot straight or dive for cover."
I swallowed hard. I didn't want to listen to him — I thought for certain that his words would get mixed up with all the other thoughts racing around inside my head, but they didn't. I heard every word, perfectly, clearly, as they chased everything else from my mind.
"So, you have a choice, private. You can get your ass back on that bed and learn something useful, or you can walk out that door and wind up as so much dirt under someone's boot." Dave then stood up straight, removing his arm from the wall, and turned. As he headed back to the bed, he grabbed Aaron by the hand, pulling him along.
I sniffed back the snot which had collected in my nose, then wiped the sticky tears off my cheeks with the back of my hand.
I still wanted to run away, anywhere, so long as it was out of that house. My head seemed to be screaming at my body to move, and, finally, it did. But not toward the door.
I was on the bed again in a dozen steps I don't remember taking. Aaron watched me as I watched him pressing the tip of his dick between Dave's butt cheeks. It was the same looked he'd given me before, still just as unreadable, and yet there was more to it now — maybe relief that I'd stayed, or annoyance that I'd ever thought about leaving. I couldn't tell.
I continued to watch as my naked boyfriend stood at the foot of the bed, with Dave's legs up against his shoulders; he was thrusting into him now, in a deep, rhythmic motion.
Dave then slid one leg down Aaron's side, hooking it around his hip. Then he looked over at me.
"Just gonna sit there?"
I didn't know what else to do.
"Looks to me like there's a dick you could be sucking."
~ fade ~
April 2002
Please do NOT repost this story anywhere outside of the Blackraptor Fiction Website.
Characters from "The Magnificent Seven" were used without permission and this story in no way signifies support of, or affiliation with, The Mirisch Group, MGM, Trilogy Entertainment, or CBS Worldwide, Inc. The M7-ATF universe was created by Mog, and extra thanks go to her for allowing other people to play within it. The story itself and any non-Magnificent Seven characters belong to the author. This story will not be sold for any reason.
Thanks to my beta reader for all her helpful suggestions!