- 1 -On the 11th floor of the ATF's Denver building, Vin looked around at the trimmings of Christmas. JD'd put most of the decorations up but Buck could take credit for the bumper harvest of mistletoe that hung from the ceiling at strategic points across the office. He grinned, recalling Chris's warning that Buck had better wait to be invited before he gave out any festive kisses and that the first hint of harassment would see him on desk-duty for a month, even without a formal complaint.
Of course, there was no need for such a warning to Vin. Kissing under the mistletoe was likely to get him punched or fired - or both. Christmas wasn't always a great time to be gay, as he knew from experience. It was hard to share in the spiritual side of the occasion, although he knew some gay men and lesbians managed, and it could be just as hard to share in the commercialized version of the pagan mid-winter feast, given that getting drunk meant getting uninhibited and that could be trouble. It wasn't that he had no gay friends - he did - but he didn't want his celebrations confined to them, excluding the friends and colleagues who were such a big part of his everyday life.
It was only since joining Team 7 that such concerns had begun to fade. For the first time, every man on his team knew where he stood and had not the slightest issue with it. He doubted most of them would want to kiss him under the mistletoe but they were unconcerned that the object of his interest would be male not female. He knew, with a certainty that made words redundant, Chris would object only on exactly the same grounds as he'd voiced to Buck - if the kiss was unwelcome.
Thoughts of kisses took him swiftly on to thoughts of Ezra. There was only one man he wanted to be kissing at that moment, under mistletoe or anywhere else, and he already knew that his kisses were welcome. Kissing had soon turned into fucking and then, without any dramatic transition that he could recall, fucking turned into making love. It had happened to him a time or two before, rarely enough to make it special but often enough for him to know love when he felt it. He guessed it was a first for Ezra, although Ezra never said and he never asked. He recognized the signs of a man working through his feelings and rode them out, even when the arguments and cooling-off periods cut him to the quick. Inevitably, the rest of the team slowly became aware of what was going on.
Vin figured that Josiah had probably known from around day one, and Chris wasn't far behind. He'd deliberately let Chris see, one night when they were out drinking and he was too low to care. There was a risk that a rocky relationship could affect the team and it seemed only right that Chris should know all the facts when he made decisions. That it made no difference to anything, as friends or co-workers, confirmed what Vin already knew: Chris was the best friend he'd ever had.
After that, things were close to perfect for a while. There'd been times in Vin's life when his job was good, others when his social calendar was full and a few when his romantic affairs were satisfying, but there'd never been a time when all three were good together. He began to doubt such a utopian ideal was even possible, but then a wonderful October had shown him otherwise.
The end of two long-running team operations put more than a dozen serious criminals behind bars, taking vast stocks of drugs and firearms off the market with them. Sundays helping at Chris's ranch gave a chance to spend time close to nature and in the company of a man who shared his love of horses rather than men. As easy as he was with his sexuality, he would not let it define his identity. If he wanted to get sexy then he went to a gay club but, if he was doing something that had nothing to do with sexuality, he preferred to do it with people who had no need to wear their tastes in their back pockets: gay or straight, he didn't need to know.
During that month, every Saturday, and many evenings, were Ezra's. They'd done the usual things that people in love did, from dinners to shows to sex, and not necessarily in that order. He enjoyed doing anything with Ezra, even things he'd usually avoid like the plague. That was partly because he was in love and partly because Ezra was such good company. He had to be, given that his life when undercover could depend on being knowledgeable and charming. The years of research that enabled him to fit in anywhere revealed joys that had previously been hidden from Vin. On top of all that, Ezra was just as skilled and versatile in sex, with a repertoire that continued to surprise even after months together. The thought of that repertoire gave Vin an instant hard-on, which was more pain than pleasure for a man sitting at a desk with denim bunched uncomfortably around his crotch.
Then Ezra's interest in sex had suddenly waned with the onset of a chill November and Vin was still trying to figure out why that was. As far as he could recall, a lively Halloween party lead to a night of ball-breaking sex that left both his cock and ass sore but afterwards, just when he'd probably have been ready to fly someplace and get married if that was what Ezra wanted, suddenly Ezra was in a snit and he had no idea what'd brought it on. Initially determined to ride it out as he had every other glitch in their relationship, his resolve was now, six weeks later, beginning to waver.
Meanwhile, the sudden decline from a dozen times a week to next to nothing was giving him problems. Even his right hand was failing him, given that when he touched himself the longing for the hand on his cock to be Ezra's was so intense that he often couldn't finish the job.
'You okay?'
Vin started guiltily, Chris's quiet question an embarrassing interruption to the sad eroticism floating around in his mind. He looked up.
'Yeah, sure.'
He yielded to Chris's intense scrutiny, as trusting as if he were family.
'You look it.'
'Sorry.'
'Drink?'
'Sure.'
It was typical of their monosyllabic exchanges. He followed Chris out of the building and matched him stride-for-stride to the saloon. They took a booth, as they often did, and Inez brought two beers, their usual opening order even if they later went on to whiskeys and cabs. Vin smiled in response to her warm greeting, but knew from her concerned expression that it had been a poor effort.
Chris waited until she'd gone before speaking.
'Problems at home?'
Vin supposed that the obliqueness of the question might suggest that Chris was less than comfortable with his domestic arrangements but doubted that he'd be any more open if he was asking about a man's relationship with a woman. He wasn't a big talker on any subject.
Opting for honesty, he nodded.
'But they ain't your problems.'
'HR usually seem to think otherwise.'
Vin knew that Chris got a stream of memos about managing his human resources, from what the law required to what the ATF expected. It was one of many aspects of leading a team that he hated.
'I don't.'
'As a friend then?'
Vin looked up. 'You sure you wanna know?'
'If you want to tell me.'
Vin considered that. He did want to talk. Another time, he would have talked to Chanu, his usual sounding board when it came to affairs of heart or loins. They might themselves have been lovers, had Chanu not been in mourning when they met, but they became friends after Vin cleared him of murdering his lover and were content to leave it that way. At that moment, Chanu was in Boston on business, distant at the end of a phone, while Chris was sitting in the seat opposite, offering a sympathetic ear. And, when it came to love, gay or straight made little difference anyhow.
'Ezra's bein' a pain in the ass and I don't know why,' he admitted.
Chris's eyes narrowed minutely. Vin could guess the joke: from Chris's point of view, Ezra was often a pain in the ass, given that he didn't know the meaning of playing by the rules. The amusement passed, leaving only a friend's concern in its wake.
'No argument?' Chris guessed.
Vin shook his head. 'One minute, we was goin' to Halloween parties and...' He considered how to convey just how right things had seemed back then.
'Fucking like bunnies?'
That was one of Buck's expressions and served well enough.
'Yeah. The next thing I know, he's got a rat up his ass like he does when the brass try t'interfere with his ops. Seems like we went from one to the other for no reason.'
Chris smiled.
'It ain't funny.'
'I've sometimes wondered if it's easier being gay, compared to us straight guys trying to figure out what's going on in our women's heads. Sounds like it's not.'
'Ezra...' Vin wasn't about to say that Ezra was feminine - or the kind of drama queen that he would never date - but he wasn't exactly the fast-and-loose type of gay man either. 'Well, he's kinda moody at times. I can't always see what sets him off.'
'You thought about the time of year?'
'Huh?'
'Christmas can be a tough time for families, and Ezra's got a tough family. I don't know any more than you do but I'd start there. If you haven't done anything to piss him off, I'd put money on it being down to Maude.'
Vin had been looking at Chris while he spoke but dropped his gaze to the table as he considered the new possibility. It was certainly true that many of Ezra's insecurities and anxieties could be traced right back to his mother, in one way or another.
'Does she know about the two of you?'
'Yeah...' Vin said slowly.
'But...?' Chris prompted.
'It's been like pullin' teeth gettin' Ezra t'tell her. I mean, I can see it's not easy 'cause she didn't even know he was bi but I'da jus' come right out with it. Seemed like he was droppin' hints forever. It don't help that I ain't never really done the comin' out thing as such, bein' as I got no family. It's always been kinda take it or leave it, far as I'm concerned. It ain't so easy if you can't stand t'lose touch with somebody. And, for some reason I ain't quite figured out, he can't break with Maude.'
'Was she okay with it?'
'Yeah. Maybe. I don't know.' He frowned in frustration. 'If you think it's hard talkin' t'Ezra sometimes, you wanna try Maude. She ain't said nothin' against it, put it that way.'
Chris's smile was more overtly sympathetic this time. 'So in-laws are just as bad for you guys as well? If I was thinking of switching teams, you're not much of an advertisement.'
'It pisses me off because I ain't askin' for nothin'. I don't wanna be part of the family, I doubt we'll be gettin' wed and we sure as hell won't be havin' no kids. All I ask is that no one expects me to lie about who I am or why I'm at Ezra's place.'
'It's not that simple, Vin. Families aren't that simple. Especially not at Christmas. My guess is that she has plans for Ezra and he doesn't know how to tell her they're going to have to change.'
Vin met his eye again. 'Or tell me they ain't goin' t'change?'
'Would that be a problem?'
Would it? Vin wasn't sure.
'What do you usually do at Christmas?'
Vin shrugged, feeling oddly apologetic. 'Pretty much the same as Buck, I guess. Christmas ain't right special when you got no folks and you gotta watch yourself around your friends.'
'Getting laid isn't such a bad way to spend the holiday. Christmas isn't all that special for a lot of people who have got folks. The hype about it is ninety per cent crap.'
'And the other ten per cent?'
'I had six Christmases with Sarah, four with Adam, and I treasure every memory of every one.'
Chris's tone was tightly controlled but that did not come close to hiding the intensity of the emotion in the statement. If whatever Ezra was feeling came anywhere close to that, Chris might be right about where their problems lay.
'Well,' he said slowly. 'I guess I'd like some of that but it's just one day outta the year. Hell, I'd rather the other three-hundred and sixty-odd were good.'
'If that's how you settle it, you know you're welcome out at my place. It'll give me a break if you let Buck fuss over you for a change.'
'Thanks. I'll bear it in mind.'
- 2 -
'Would you mind if we didn't? I'm feeling rather tired.'
Vin's voice was even at the end of the phone. 'We don't have to fuck. I jus' wanna see you.'
Ezra sighed. He wanted to see Vin too, and fucking would be good as far as he was concerned, but he wasn't ready to face the perceptive gaze that always felt as if it could probe right inside his soul.
'If you must,' he conceded, hardly graciously.
Thinking that distracting Vin with some of what he hadn't been getting was likely to be the best plan, he spent the next half-hour in showering and grooming. Eventually, confident of his cleanliness inside and out, he dressed in a turtleneck and slacks combination that he knew Vin liked, with a new pair of black briefs and musky cologne redolent of sex. By the time the bell rang, his reluctance had turned to desire. He opened the door and stood back to let Vin enter.
Vin looked him up and down, dilated pupils declaring his interest but furrowed brow suggesting that he wouldn't be so easy to distract.
'Lookin' good, Ez.'
'Thank you.'
He reached out to touch Vin's hair, intending to offer a compliment in return, but Vin headed for the living room, speaking over his shoulder as he did so.
'We need t'talk.'
'I thought you just wanted to see me.'
'I got somethin' t'say and, bein' a plain-speakin' fella, I'm jus' gonna come right out and say it.'
'I see.'
Ezra followed him into the living room, tension hunching his shoulders as he saw the best thing in his life preparing to be the last in a long line and walk out on him. Needing to prevent that, he did something that he'd done before and pre-empted it.
'Perhaps I can save you some trouble. It's over, we're through, you're sorry.'
Vin turned to face him, stood square and put his hands in his pockets thoughtfully.
'Wasn't what I had in mind. That what you want?'
No one had ever called the bluff so squarely and it took Ezra a moment to regain his equanimity.
'I'm not sure. Perhaps I need to hear your proposal first.'
'Good of you to let me get a word in. The way I see it, you've been in a snit since winter come. Winter means Christmas, so I'm thinkin' there's a connection.'
Ezra pursed his lips, unsure whether he wanted to continue the conversation.
'I figure it one of two ways: either you wanna spend Christmas with me an' there's a problem, or you don't wanna spend Christmas with me an' there's a problem. Am I gettin' warm?'
'Possibly.'
'All righty. What I come t'say is, it ain't a problem either way. Whatever you want, I can fit in with it.'
If he'd thought he was getting used to Vin's directness, Ezra knew he'd been mistaken. No one in his family spoke that way, expressing genuine feelings about genuine problems. Instead, it was always a game to work out who wanted what, and why, and then play one's cards carefully to achieve the best possible outcome.
'Really?'
'Yeah, s'long as it means we're back on track the rest of the time. Some random date on the calendar don't make no difference t'me. If y'need t'be away for a few days, I got other places t'be.'
Ezra had known it was too good to be true. Now came the part he'd feared.
'I really am tired. It might be better if you left now.'
Vin's eyes narrowed. 'For fuck's sake, Ezra, what is it now? I thought we was sortin' this out.'
'There's nothing to sort out. Please leave.'
Vin remained firmly planted, clearly with no plan to move any time soon. Ezra knew what he was doing: rerunning the conversation in his mind and second-guessing each exchange. He stepped back into the lobby, intending to open the front door and repeat the invitation to leave more forcibly. Before he could do so, Vin's expression cleared.
'Not fuckin' anybody. I got friends, y'know.'
Ezra turned back tentatively. He'd wanted so much to ask for that undertaking and yet, now it was offered, he doubted it.
'You got my word. Ain't that good enough?'
'Yes... but it seems an unsatisfactory arrangement for you.'
'These past few weeks, since Halloween, they're what I'd call unsatisfactory. Waitin' a few days for you t'get back t'me ain't a big deal.'
'You mean that?'
'I don't say things I don't mean.'
Ezra stepped closer.
His relationship with Vin had moved into uncharted territory in the summer, when it lasted for more than the few intense fucks he'd experienced with other men. By autumn, it had outlasted his most enduring - and correspondingly least passionate - dalliances with women. Those were the ones that Maude left alone, letting them die of their own accord instead of killing them. He'd thought she'd accepted Vin's presence in his life with surprisingly good grace, until she notified him of her plans for Christmas, plans that involved him but not his lover. He'd wanted to talk them over with her, but dread of a demand to choose between her and Vin stopped him every time.
'My mother requires my presence in a social context in which our relationship would be an issue.'
Vin nodded. 'I figured as much.'
Ezra frowned. It was he, not Vin, who felt that he ought to make a stand but a lifetime of Maude's manipulation made him nervous. Despite his deep-seated belief that she'd been a negligent mother, any criticism from him always provoked such wounded innocence that he'd given up trying to reason with her on the subject. Failing to fit in with her plans would end up with him feeling guilty and, eventually, trying to make amends with an apology or gift. That much was old and familiar, but Vin's place in the dance was not yet clear. The conflict between what he wanted, what she wanted and what Vin might want had been gnawing at him since her imperious email message early in November. Now, in the face of Vin's assurances, he felt foolish to have been so worried and yet still, perversely, worried as well.
'Y'need t'ease up. It ain't like any of this matters. Come January, we'll be back at work and the holiday'll jus' be a memory.'
'Don't memories matter?'
'Not as much as the here and now.' The corners of Vin's eyes crinkled with the humor that could make everything seem so much better in an instant. 'Course, you've wasted six weeks on this crap and that don't leave you much time t'give me some memories t'be goin' on with while you're away.'
It was an invitation that Ezra could not pass up. He reached again for Vin's hair, and this time Vin let him. He loved its unstyled length, and the manliness such casual grooming exuded, and disagreed with Vin's judgment that his own surpassed it in both color and texture.
'Oh, I think I can give you the raw material for some very stimulating reminiscences.'
He had something in mind, something that he had not tried with Vin and yet something he was confident that his lover would enjoy, if he was willing to submit to it. Over the months they'd been together, Vin had proved as open-minded in love as in life but submission didn't figure prominently in his vocabulary or indeed in his philosophy. That evening seemed a good time to try, given that he would want to cement their new understanding rather than pick a fight.
'Come upstairs.'
Vin followed him meekly, demonstrating a character trait that Ezra had observed early in their relationship. With the promise of sex in the air, he became far more compliant than anyone but a lover was ever likely to see or believe.
'Close your eyes.'
Only when he'd been obeyed did Ezra open one of the innumerable drawers in his exquisite burr maple bedroom suite. Taking a handful of silk scarves from it, he separated one from the bundle and dropped the others onto the bedside cabinet. They were long, of the type that a man wore with a tuxedo, some white and some black.
'Don't move.'
He blindfolded Vin, tying a black scarf gently over his eyes.
'Comfortable?'
Vin nodded. His crotch bulged, confirming that he intended to follow wherever he was to be led.
'Strip. Slowly.'
Ezra sat on the edge of the vast bed to watch as his lover disrobed, not just slowly as ordered but seductively too. Vin's body was always a joy to look at, lighter and less muscular than his own but almost feline in its supple grace, and seeing it afresh after too many nights apart was thrilling.
Once he was naked, Ezra went to his side and whispered without touching him.
'Go to the bed.'
There was no need for more detailed guidance because Vin always knew his precise position relative to things around him. The completeness and infallibility of that three-dimensional map had surprised Ezra more than once.
'Lie down on your back, with your head on the pillow. Make yourself comfortable.'
Vin arranged himself as instructed. A slight rosy flush in his lips and cheeks confirmed what was clear from his gently pulsating dick: he was as thrilled by the game as Ezra.
Moving carefully so as not to touch Vin's skin directly, Ezra bound him to the solid maple rails at the head and foot of the bed. He knotted the scarves securely around the wrists and ankles, knowing from experience that the silken restraints caressed rather than cut the flesh, and left enough length in the bonds to permit some movement. They would control Vin without hurting him, leaving him with nothing to think about except the pleasurable stimuli applied to him. That was the nature of the game they were playing, nothing to do with domination and everything to do with sensation.
He moved a chair from the corner of the room and sat beside the bed, positioned to admire Vin's spread-eagled form. The wait, in silent darkness, would enhance the experience to come. As his eyes roamed over the tanned stomach muscles and down to the purple dick, he savored the total trust that he saw. He'd long since got over his surprise at finding a team that trusted him and valued his contributions but Vin's confidence, both in him and in life as a whole, regularly struck him anew.
Rather than worry about what might happen, Vin assessed a risk and then trusted his judgment. Far from naïve, he would know there were a dozen ways for Ezra to abuse him, for amusement or for profit, but he didn't have the kind of mind that lingered on alternatives once he'd made a decision. Of course, there was no reason for Vin to worry. Ezra had only one agenda: to deliver a scorchingly intense thrill that would wring the semen from his testicles in a way that was as exciting to watch as to experience. He already had some ideas and he used the brief interlude to polish them.
Although Vin's dick had seemed fully erect from the moment he stripped, Ezra knew there was more to come and was content to let his lover's vivid imagination play its part. He waited while the blood slowly inflated the last half-inch, appreciating the shapely symmetry of the deep-flanged head and leaning forward when a tear began to form in its eye. The drop swelled larger until its weight overcame its viscosity and it fell slowly towards the flat stomach below, trailing spider-silk behind it.
Resting his forearms on his thighs, Ezra leaned over and touched his tongue to the drop. He loved Vin's taste, which reminded him of shellfish. More than once, usually at the most inopportune times, the arrival of a meal had aroused more than his taste buds with its associations. The touch of the tip of his tongue sent a shudder rippling across Vin's belly. He lapped at the spot until the flavor was gone and then blew across the damp skin, raising goose bumps in it.
Vin lifted fractionally from the bed, as if offering himself, and gave a breathy little sigh. Another drop of precum began to form. This time, Ezra's tongue reached it before it fell. He paused, barely in contact with Vin's dick to let him anticipate the contact, and then plunged the tip of his tongue into the slit. He liked the feeling of plugging the outlet for Vin's passion, imagining pressure building behind his dam until it crumbled.
Vin wriggled, as if begging for more, but Ezra wanted to extend the pleasure before letting it peak. Instead of taking Vin in his mouth, he ran his tongue lightly around his glans. On the rim, the taut skin was shiny. Below it, where it joined the shaft, tiny stipples combed Ezra's taste buds. There'd been a time when Ezra worried about such tiny imperfections in his own cock, worries that were not fully allayed until he eventually indulged his desire for male lovers in his early twenties, but in Vin he saw not imperfections but instead distinct facets of a highly desirable piece of equipment.
As tempting as Vin's dick was, Ezra knew that paying it too much attention would end his game almost before it began. Reluctantly, he sat up and shifted his chair alongside Vin's chest, moving silently to maintain the sensory deprivation that would enhance the impact of his touch on the most sensitive parts of his lover's body. Vin waited, passively but far from patiently if his straining dick was any indicator, for the next contact. There was no way for him to know where it would come.
Ezra closed his thumb and forefinger on the near nipple, rolling the bead of brown flesh tenderly between the fleshy pads. His own nipples were highly sensitive, making him dislike any pinching or biting, and consequently making him careful with Vin's. The nipple hardened enticingly, lengthening until he just had to have it in his mouth. He took it between his lips, massaging it while he reached for its fellow. He brushed his hand lightly to and fro across the far nipple, feeling its pertness on his palm. His cock was bolt upright inside his slacks, throbbing delightfully at the prospect of ecstasy.
Lifting his face from Vin's chest, he studied the strong features below the blindfold. The lips, redder now, were too tempting to resist. He shifted again, still without a sound, and touched his own lips to them. He'd always liked to kiss and it had never occurred to him that his male lovers might have enjoyed it less than their female counterparts. Only when he and Vin took their first faltering steps towards a relationship did he notice the strangely surprised reaction to the inquisitive kisses that were for him part of a natural progression from mere friendship. His later question about it met with careful consideration and an equally careful answer. The progression, it seemed, had felt far from natural to Vin but, on reflection, he liked the idea of being romanced rather than propositioned.
Even after so long, Vin started slightly at the contact, perhaps because it was unexpected when he was focused on sex rather than love, but then he responded, tender at first but becoming more hungry. Ezra matched the changing mood, delving into his mouth with his tongue and thinking of other uses for that orifice. He lingered for a moment, barely touching, feeling Vin's warmth and then drew away. His hand drifted towards his zipper, as he contemplated placing his cock in Vin's mouth, but that wasn't a part of the plan he'd formulated. He wanted to tease and tantalize his lover to climax without taking anything in return, to come from the sheer pleasure of giving pleasure.
Instead, he went to another drawer and took out a tray. It held a variety of sex toys that he'd selected when he devised his plan. He set it down on the bed and sat by Vin's legs. Feeling his presence, Vin smiled. If kissing for its own sake had been an acquired taste, the next course on Ezra's menu was more familiar. Vin shuffled down the bed as far as the bonds on his wrists would allow and then drew up his legs to the limits of his ankle shackles.
If the game had been domination, Ezra would have needed to punish the presumption. As it was, the anticipation was a welcome indicator that his ministrations were achieving their objective.
Vin's new position, with knees parted, exposed him fully, from his dick right around to his ring. His balls hung just how Ezra liked balls to hang, naturally heavy without being bloated by a pump or stretched by weights, looser in the scrotum than his own. He caressed them casually as he considered which of his accessories to use first. In a moment of self-indulgence, he decided to augment the beauty of those balls. The separator that he selected had a large ring that slipped easily over Vin's dick and leather straps with press studs that fastened around his scrotum.
Without restricting or applying pressure to the genitals, the harness was little more than an ornament but Ezra had confided in the past how much it turned him on and he knew that the knowledge, more than the sensation, would also turn Vin on. On this occasion, it had another benefit. By lifting the testicles, it gave Ezra better access for the next stage in his love-making.
When registering their preferences online, Ezra had seen men who did not insist on top or bottom opt for 'versatile'. Both he and Vin could claim that description but such claims would be deceptive. While he loved Vin being on top, only two other lovers had been accorded that privilege. Equally, while Vin loved being on top, he was equally happy on the bottom - even for a fleeting fuck in a club. Although Ezra didn't consciously attach any deeper significance to the roles, he knew that he brought baggage to it from somewhere. Vin didn't - he liked the feeling and that was the end of it. Years of experience had given him far greater control over his ring than Ezra possessed and, perhaps growing impatient at the delay, he opened and closed it in a wink.
Ezra smiled and surveyed his accessories again. He'd intended to start with a small butt plug but Vin could probably take a well-hung man dry without foreplay if it suited him. Still, if he wanted to build the experience gradually... After a second's hesitation, he picked up the plug and lubed it sparingly. He touched the tip to Vin's ring, waited for him to respond and then slipped it inside. He sensed frustration and anticipation, exactly the combination for which he'd been aiming - one that he knew from experience could be intensely satisfying.
Leaving the plug in place, he selected a slender piece of rubber not unlike a cocktail stirrer in appearance but much softer. Holding Vin's glans carefully, he touched one rounded tip of the stirrer to the eye in warning. It was something that Vin adored but which made Ezra edgy every time he did it. He'd never pushed anything into a cock, his own or anyone else's, before Vin asked him to. He was so apprehensive that Vin had to demonstrate on himself first before he'd risk it. He'd let Vin do it to him since, and didn't much like the invasive sensation, but was happy to do it for Vin.
Inch by inch, the stirrer slipped inside. Vin's cock managed to grow a little more, making Ezra adjust his grip. There was really no danger at all, the material far too pliable to damage flesh, and it was perfect as part of the barrage of sensations assailing Vin. When only the rounded tip remained in view, Ezra returned to Vin's butt.
He lubed a textured jelly dildo of about the same size as his own cock and then expertly slipped out the plug and substituted the dildo before its loss was felt. Vin gasped, a deep and passionate rasp of pleasure, and then pushed further onto it. Sensing his need, Ezra could deny him no more and began to work the dildo, making sure to stimulate both the muscles at the entrance to Vin's body and the gland deep inside. With the other hand, he gently manipulated the stirrer. Drops of precum formed around it so fast that a steady trickle ran down the side of Vin's dick. They were both close to climax, although Ezra planned to shed his slacks and briefs before he permitted himself to come.
Then Vin clamped tight on the dildo, stopping its rhythmic movement. Ezra looked at him, wondering what else he wanted to make the experience perfect and wanting desperately to give it. Although he hadn't gagged Vin, or forbidden him to speak, he was reluctant to break the spell of silence that lay between them. He was sure that Vin understood his purpose, his wish to fulfill his lover's desires not his own. Vin liked to be penetrated but Ezra wanted to deny himself the thrill of being the one to penetrate him. Then he guessed what Vin was after.
He withdrew the dildo and replaced it with another butt plug, this time a fat one that stretched Vin's ring smooth and shiny. Then he stood and stripped, quickly and without ceremony. Picking up one more item from the tray, he positioned himself over Vin so that he was kneeling clear of his body without making contact. Vin's smile confirmed he'd guessed right.
He slipped the stirrer out of Vin's urethra and then smoothly rolled on a rubber with a single practiced stroke. No more preparation was needed because, with the intention of unobtrusively heightening his own pleasure rather than in anticipation of Vin's request, Ezra was already wearing a medium-sized butt plug. He needed only to take it out and then lower himself onto Vin's dick.
Although it was not part of his plan, the single link between them, and his acceptance of Vin inside his body, created an even more intense effect. He rose and fell slowly, keeping his thighs away from Vin to preserve the focal point of their contact, and watched him throughout. Although his cock usually softened when he was penetrated, nothing could dampen the passion that had built up now. Each time he took Vin's full length, it nudged his gland and sent a thrill throughout his body. That wasn't usually enough to make him come, as it quickly did with Vin, but this time it took all his self-control to hold himself back. Just a few seconds, he thought as Vin's groans deepened.
Vin's hips bucked when he came, sending a final shockwave through Ezra's prostate and forcing the jism out of him in an arc that ended in the hollow of Vin's neck. It formed a neat pool there, with only three trailing drops spilling along his sternum.
Ezra leaned forward and pushed up the blindfold until it slid over Vin's hair and onto the pillow. Vin looked up at him, eyes darkened by passion and softened by love. He lifted his head and pressed his lips to Ezra's in the most precious kind of kiss - one that, far from seeking sex, gave it meaning.
'I surely will remember that.'
Overcome, Ezra freed him from his bonds and then accepted his strong embrace. There was no room in his mind for anything but Vin at that moment, least of all Christmas with Maude.
- 3 -
Maude examined her reflection in the mirror. She couldn't cheat the passage of time entirely but was wearing well for her half century. Even so, it was getting harder to attract the kind of rich and successful man she needed to finance her lifestyle. Each time a scheme succeeded, be it con or marriage - much the same thing in her view - she resolved to be prudent with the dividends but each time another seductive venture appeared and she was back to square one.
Well, perhaps not quite square one since it was many years since she'd been penniless, as she often was while raising a son alone. Thinking of Ezra reminded her of his recent change in lifestyle.
For the first time in his life, he'd surprised her. She'd always been several steps ahead of him and it came as a shock to find that he'd had a secret life of which she'd known nothing. He hadn't spelled out the details for her but everything about his announcement of his gay lover to the way they interacted told her that this Vin Tanner was by no means the first man with whom he'd had carnal relations. The nature of what they did together bothered her far less than the fact that she'd been unprepared for the revelation. Once she adjusted to the situation, she saw a certain inevitability in the sequence of passionless affairs she'd witnessed before it. Vin was a hard man to dislike, and he was attractive in an unsophisticated kind of way, so it was easy to understand why her son had picked him. However, as far as she knew, he had no means and so the association was unprofitable. In that sense, he was no different from the women who'd preceded him.
Ezra was a romantic, a fault from which she was entirely free, and he'd never accepted the potential for profit in marriage. Given society's hypocritical attitude to men who lived off their women, she'd felt some sympathy with his scruples. Appearances were everything, after all. However, deciding he was a homosexual - or bisexual, as he called it - should have liberated him from such constraints. Why shouldn't a man live off a man? Weren't there plenty of fabulously rich queers in the arts who kept husbands, even back in the days when they were more likely to be called managers?
But, no, her son had to take up with some Texan who had nothing but a rented apartment in a notorious part of town and a beat-up Jeep that she'd rather walk than accept a ride in.
A slight frown creased her forehead as she applied her lipstick. Ezra spoke highly of his lover's professional capabilities and, for all his faults, he rarely lost his objectivity on matters of fact. If he claimed that Vin was the ATF's best shot in the state, one of the best in the country, it was probably true and presumably such a talent would be reasonably well remunerated. Even if not the kind of money that interested her, it still seemed to suggest that, contrary to appearances, he must make a good living and be able to afford better than the disheveled denims that he favored.
She smiled at her reflection. Perhaps he was an eccentric millionaire: who knew?
That evening, her priority was another man who was unquestionably a millionaire - Alan Roseburn. She'd been grooming him for months, hoping to become his fourth wife but willing to accept second best as his mistress if required. It was the developments in Ezra's private life that first alerted her to a possible explanation for the fact that she remained a frequent but innocent escort after so long.
Suspecting that the appeal of his chivalry - initially so enchanting - might have waned when it replaced passion in a marriage, she began to investigate. Soon she knew the truth. Wasting no time on feelings of rejection, she couldn't believe her luck when she uncovered photographs of three of Mr. Roseburn's more private companions. Not only were they male but they had the same green eyes and chestnut hair as her son.
The possibilities were endless, she'd realized. All she need do was engineer a meeting and see where it led. Roseburn might decide to keep her around merely to see Ezra from time to time, or he might take a more active interest and win him from Tanner in a fair fight. Failing that, there might be scope for some kind of sting, with or without Ezra's knowledge. Blackmail was a dirty word but it wouldn't be the first time that she'd profited from someone's desire to protect their secrets.
Roseburn's Christmas Eve party presented the opportunity she needed and it had been easier than she expected to persuade Ezra to come alone. He was so prepared for his personal affairs to be an issue, either with her or her host, that she'd barely needed even to imply it. As always, he'd responded to the summons and was, at that moment, dressing in the guest bathroom. With luck, this 'gaydar' she'd heard about would tell the two men all they needed to know and everything would fall into place. Being mother-in-law, of a sort, to Roseburn wouldn't be as profitable as wife or mistress but he was a generous man and she wasn't greedy - well, not that greedy, anyway.
- 4 -
Ezra sat slumped in his seat on the flight back to Denver, ignoring all attempts from the cabin crew to lift his spirits on Christmas morning. They ought to be as miserable as he was, he reflected, given that they were stuck on a routine domestic flight instead of being at home with their families or enjoying a stop-over on some sandy-beached island. The thought brought a bitter smile to his lips: perhaps they were well out of it, given what a fiasco his family Christmas had been.
He was angry with Maude at so many levels that it would probably be Easter before he forgave her. It'd taken him about an hour to figure out why his host kept looking at him. He would have been quicker but he was hardly going to expect a man dating a mother to be eyeing her son. It was only a matter of minutes later that he fathomed the range of possibilities that had intrigued Maude.
It took some believing that even she would pimp for her son but he knew that she wouldn't see it that way. She'd convince herself that she was acting in their best interests, just as she had when she farmed him out to relatives as a child and just as she had when she drove him out of business as an adult. He'd always understood her better than she understood him. Yes, he was greedy - he'd learned that lesson so young that he knew he would never shake off its taint - but money wasn't everything to him, as it was to Maude. He needed other things, like friendship and, yes, love too. She was a fool if she imagined that a fat wallet could make him love a man as he loved Vin.
It was the first time that he'd seen Maude in that light, and it made him wonder how much he'd been changed by joining Team 7. Wealth no longer seemed quite as special as it once had. He wanted money, but not if he had to lose his friends or his self-respect to get it. The realization meant that, when Maude was found searching Roseburn's den while he was distracted by her son's company, Ezra refused to help her. Instead, he played the wounded innocent for all he was worth, assisted by Roseburn's obvious interest in him, and encouraged their host to have her arrested. Needless to say, he would make sure that she was bailed and acquitted in due course but intended to give her time to regret involving him before he did so.
Meanwhile, his annoyance at being lied to and implicated in her illicit schemes paled into insignificance when compared with his fury at being parted from Vin by filial duty when Maude still had no idea of how to be a halfway decent mother. He hated it that he'd backed a loser just when he had the chance of cleaning up with an outsider, a thoroughbred in mule's clothing.
Still, the experience had clarified two things in his mind. Firstly, never again would he put Maude before Vin. He would continue to be the loving and dutiful son as far as he could but never going beyond that boundary. Secondly, he would not deny his relationship with Vin, or at least not without discussion and agreement. There would probably be times when discretion had its advantages but that was for them to decide, not for others to impose.
Perhaps that led to a third clarification. He wanted to be with Vin, all year round but especially during the festive season. Better sometimes to lie or to sleep in separate beds than be parted. He might need to talk that one through with Vin, given he was such a plain-speaking fellow.
It wasn't until the plane came in to land, and the reunion drew closer, that he moved from agonizing about Maude to agonizing about Vin. The stupid thing was that he was a man who usually listened to his head and his head told him that he could trust this lover through hell and back. The distrust that troubled him had to be Maude's fault, given that he'd been lucky with his lovers and it was usually he who, as kindly as he could, extricated himself from the entanglements.
Vin was the first person who'd meant as much to him as Maude and that, not anything that Vin had said or done, made him fear that it was only a matter of time before he was let down - and badly. His fears concentrated on infidelity, again more because of other gay men than because of Vin.
He couldn't bear the thought of another man touching Vin and yet it felt wrong to try to extract promises from him - to shackle the most free-minded person he'd ever known. Over the time they'd been dating, he'd gleaned a fair impression of Vin's past without asking directly. That much was easy because Vin made no secret of his attitudes or experience, except to garnish them with tact. His lovers probably ran into the upper tens rather than hundreds, many of them anonymous club contacts rather than lovers in the true sense, and, perversely, it was those that worried Ezra.
In one way, he had confidence in their relationship. He did not expect Vin to replace him, in the near future at least, but, because he had little interest in casual sex, he struggled to understand its appeal or to believe that what they shared would be enough to prevent Vin from seeking it. He'd done everything he could think of to make himself exciting but there was only so much two men could do together. He worried that he could not compete with the orgies that were readily available less than a mile from the ATF's Denver building, if you knew where to look. Arriving unexpectedly, he was afraid of what he would find and yet driven on by a morbid need to know.
- 5 -
Vin caught a movement in his peripheral vision a split second too late to dodge the missile. A small potato caught him on the butt, moving fast enough to sting. The beans he was shelling were not well suited for use as ammo so he settled for telling Buck to fuck off.
'Where's your Christmas spirit, Vin?'
'Leave him be, Buck.'
Hearing the note of warning in Chris's voice, Vin realized that Buck thought he needed cheering up and Chris thought the last thing he needed was Buck cheering him up. For once, and it didn't often happen, they were both wrong. If he was quiet, it was only because he was still suffering from their Christmas Eve well into Christmas Day. When he considered whether to accept Chris's invitation, the one thing he hadn't taken into account was how much better they held their drink than he did.
'I'm okay, but there ain't no need t'keep shoutin' at me.'
Buck laughed, far louder than necessary it seemed. 'Our boy's got a hangover, Chris. They sure don't make 'em like they used to. I thought you guys knew how to party.'
'Can't party if y'can't get it up.'
A night out with the boys meant something different for him than it did for them. He wasn't averse to a little chemical stimulation at times, but preferred drugs that heightened his sexual response rather than drowning it. He'd never had the kind of straight friends with whom he could joke about such things until Team 7. Even so, and knowing them as he did, he'd been surprised at where they'd ended their Christmas Eve. He looked over at Buck, whose suggestion it had been.
'Appreciated the venue though.'
Buck grinned. 'Told you they did a good floorshow.'
That was true, but Vin hadn't been able to see how it was going to work until they got there. When minds were broad enough, there was no need for separate shows. Gyrating on stage and off was every conceivable combination of male, female and intermediate - alone, in couples and in groups. Like pick and mix with sex instead of candy, it was the first time that he'd ever watched a sex show with straight men and felt part of the crowd. Unsurprised that Buck was at ease around any kind of sex - even if he seemed content to stick with the straight, if not exactly narrow, himself - Vin hadn't expected Chris to be so relaxed. Even a kid's offer to suck his dick in the john elicited only a polite, if firm, refusal. The kid had looked at Vin, presumably with the same offer in mind, then glanced back at Chris and decided against it, much to Vin's unspoken amusement.
Having indulged the sexual side of their natures, they were now ready to spend what remained of the holiday in mawkish sentimentality. Along with half the nation, they were preparing more food than they could eat and keeping one eye on a stream of Christmas specials on the TV in the corner of the kitchen. Of course, Vin thought of Ezra while he waited for sleep, images of naked dancers in Santa hats blurring with memories of his lover while his cock remained stubbornly out for the count, just as Chris probably was probably thinking of Sarah and Buck of his latest, or next, conquest.
By morning - a perfect Christmas morning blanketed in snow that really was deep and crisp and even, except where the cab's chained tyres had chewed it up the night before - they were in festive mood, with all the bittersweet memories that brought. For Buck that probably meant the same as it did for him: thoughts of a much-missed mother. For Chris, surely Sarah again and perhaps Adam even more. But, for every regret, there was a happy memory and a sense of gratitude for what had been shared before it had been lost.
Finally, just as they jammed the last roasting tray into the oven and balanced it precariously on the edges of two others, the doorbell rang. Still wiping his hands, Chris went to answer it.
After surveying the debris, Buck said, 'Well, I reckon we can stretch to one more if we have to.'
'We could feed the five fuckin' thousand.'
Chris came back through. 'It's Ezra.'
Close behind Vin's shock came anxiety. What could have gone wrong?
'You leave him out on the porch?'
The familiar repressed amusement filled Chris's eyes. 'He's in the foyer. He wants to talk to you.'
Vin went to look, closing the door behind him as he left the kitchen. Ezra stood at the foot of the stairs, trim and handsome in a fur-collared suede coat, but tense. Vin immediately knew that a loving hug wasn't on the menu, or at least not among the starters. He waited for an explanation.
'I should have called. This is an imposition, when you've made other arrangements.'
It felt like they'd taken about fifty steps backwards, the formality a familiar part of Ezra's complex defense mechanisms.
'Hell, Ez, my head's still achin' from tryin' t'keep up with Chris and Buck last night. How about you make it nice and simple for once? Why aren't you with Maude?'
'She has been incarcerated.'
Even knowing Maude, that was pretty near the bottom of any list of reasons Vin might have come up with for Ezra unexpectedly showing up on Christmas Day. He raised his eyebrows.
'She need some help?'
'At some point. However, I see no reason to expedite her bail, given that it was her own carelessness that precipitated the arrest.'
'So that social invitation wasn't exactly legit?'
'The invitation was perfectly legitimate. It was my mother's motives in attending that were suspect, along with her reasons for involving me in, and excluding you from, the proceedings.'
Only someone who knew Ezra as well as Vin did could have sensed from his manner the anger and disappointment that surrounded the escapade and he knew the reason for it. Ezra had grown attached to his career in law enforcement and deeply resented Maude's frequent efforts to tempt him away from it. This time he'd been entrapped, and a trapped Ezra was never a pretty sight.
None of that explained why he was being so defensive, unless it was the humiliation of admitting that Maude had duped him again. As he considered what little Ezra had said, Vin began to get an inkling of what was going on.
'Why didn't y'call first?'
He knew he'd hit the nail on the head when Ezra didn't reply. No doubt he had a dozen carefully rehearsed answers up his sleeve but his decision not to voice them meant they were lies.
'You wanted to see if I was out here? By myself?'
Ezra still said nothing. He just stood, looking like a deer caught in the headlights and on the brink of flight. He'd been afraid that Vin, too, was making a fool out of him and he was ashamed of the fear, or at least of the distrust. It was going to be hard to stamp out those ingrained reactions, especially if Maude intended to undermine every inch of progress with another scheme.
Vin wasn't big on vows or explanations and, in this case, he suspected they might easily backfire, making Ezra think that a defense implied there was something to defend. The stupid thing was that sex wasn't that big a deal for him. He liked it a lot but felt neither a compulsive urge to indulge nor a guilty urge to abstain. When he was single, or with a man who liked to play away, he took what was on offer. When he was with a man like Ezra, he looked but didn't touch. It was more about treating people right than about sex, but Ezra would have to come around to believing that in his own time.
'Well, here I am. Now what?'
'You're not angry?'
No, Vin wasn't angry. Sad, perhaps. Disappointed even. But what was the use in being angry? He shook his head.
'Look, we're havin' a guys' Christmas out here. We got wasted last night and went to some GLBT joint where we could all drool over the eye-candy. The only thing we stuffed is a turkey and you're more'an welcome t'help us get through the darned thing later. Take it or leave it but don't screw things up for Chris an' Buck. They deserve better than that.'
'I should like to stay.'
'Then stay.' Vin took a step closer, aware of how delicate the balance was. 'Stay with me.'
Ezra raised a tentative hand to his cheek. 'I wish I had chosen you at the outset.'
'Better this way. Now you won't be feelin' guilty about it.' He took Ezra's hand. 'C'mon, we got jus' about anythin' anybody ever wanted at Christmas.'
He led Ezra back into the kitchen, giving his hand a squeeze before dropping it as he crossed the threshold. Buck, dependable as always, went straight into his host routine.
'Merry Christmas, Ezra! Glad you could join us after all. Egg nog?'
'Thank you.'
Catching Chris's enquiring eye on him, Vin grinned his reassurance. One thing you couldn't fault about Ezra were his manners and, host or guest, he knew all about hospitality. Once committed to staying, Vin knew that he would do his utmost to make the day enjoyable for everyone. Certainly, no one would have guessed that he hated egg nog.
Hours later, they were all sprawled in front of the TV, half drunk and totally full. Vin was lying on one of the couches, his calves resting across Ezra's thighs, enjoying the closest contact that his lover had ever permitted in straight company. In truth, he wouldn't have felt right getting more intimate in front of Chris and Buck anyhow. When Ezra's hand caressed his knee for a moment, a gesture that he immediately recognized as a prelude to some kind of action, he raised his legs to let him get up and watched him head for the kitchen, not the bathroom as expected. A minute or two passed before he returned, brandishing a tray containing a bottle and four champagne flutes.
'Gentlemen,' he said, peeling the seal from the cork. 'I should like to propose a toast.'
The way that he opened the bottle, getting a satisfying pop and sending the cork into the fireplace while letting the bubbly flow into the first glass without spilling a drop, exemplified many of the things Vin liked about him. Elegance and sophistication could be powerfully attractive.
He handed a glass to each of them and then, after muting the TV, stood in front of the fire.
'To you, my friends, for making Christmas joyous - something often promised and rarely achieved, no matter how much is spent.'
Vin raised his glass in shared appreciation of the welcome they'd received. Buck acknowledged their thanks with a grin before taking a swig more suited to a cheap sparkling wine than the fine champagne that Ezra must have brought with him. Only Chris hesitated, looking first at Ezra and then Vin. His thoughts weren't hard to read: had Christmas past truly been so empty for his guests?
Precious memories from before his mother's death might put Vin ahead of Ezra, but it was certainly true that he'd never felt part of Christmas since he reached manhood. In a season when so many people were juggling competing demands from selfish families, Chris's gift had been special - an invitation to come as they were, when they could and if they wanted to. Yet the invitation alone had not made the occasion joyous - that was largely down to Buck's warm-hearted hospitality.
Not usually a one for toasts but wanting to add his thanks to Ezra's, Vin rose to his feet.
'An' for lettin' us be a part of it.'
Chris gave a slight shake of his head, but let Buck speak for them both.
'It's been a while since there was much joy at Christmas around here. You must have brought it with you. To us all.'
As they drank to that, Vin reflected that it might even be true. Love had its lows from time to time, but no drug he'd ever taken could match its highs. Having Ezra show up was just about the best gift he could imagine - and he had yet to unwrap it - and his delight had suffused the whole day. If it had brightened his friends' Christmas as well, so much the better.
The title comes from I believe in Father Christmas released by Greg Lake in 1975:
Hallelujah, Noel, be it heaven or hell, The Christmas we get we deserve.