Code: Testosterone

By Beth

ATF AU (Seven)

Notes: Answer to March Community Zero challenge fic, offered by Katherine. Give any one of the seven a hobby the other six do not know about, until events conspire to bring it to their attention. Hobby must not be anything previously mentioned in other stories...i.e. no working at a shelter for Josiah, no piano playing for Ezra, no working with neighborhood kids for Vin. You get the idea. In essence I want to know what one of the boys does with his down time, and the reaction of the others when they find out. They aren't always working.

Okay, I wrote this on my lunch break and frankly…this is a perfect example of where my mind goes without having the story sketched out in an outline form.

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Chapter 1

JD entered the offices with a handful of papers in on hand, and a large coke in the other. He didn’t look pleased. Pausing, he took a long look around at his friends. He could see Buck with his feet up on the edge of his desk, drinking what the kid could only guess was, Jolt. Didn’t the stop making that? Obviously, the ladies man wasn’t working, but rather searching the web, looking for who knows what. Vin was in the break room kitchen making, god forbid, another pot of coffee. Ezra was in his office typing away at his computer. Was he working, or just pretending to work? Nobody knew. Nathan and Josiah were both in their office talking about the mistreatment of prisoners in foreign lands. Who cares? JD thought, he had bigger things to deal with…


“What’s the matter, JD?” Vin asked, stepping out of the kitchenette trying to dissolve the four cups of sugar he put in his one cup of coffee. “You’re lookin’ kinda peeked.”

Lacking any kind of a graceful movement, JD handed the sharpshooter one of the pieces of paper he held in his hand. “Fill that out,” he ordered, not bothering to explain.

Vin took the paper and looked it over, rather surprised by the kid’s behavior.


Josiah looked up when JD entered the office and he looked over the piece of paper that was shoved in his face. “What’s this, Brother?” he asked, pulling out a pen from his ‘cup o’ pen’ dispenser.

“Casey’s havin’ to take a survey for one of her sociology classes at school,” JD huffed. “If you guys would fill those out and get it back to me, I’d appreciate it.”

“Ain’t nothin’ wrong with that, JD,” Nathan said, already filling out his sheet.

“Until you answer the questions wrong,” the kid mumbled.

Josiah laughed: “How can you fill these out wrong?” He held up the piece of paper that asked simple questions like: how old are you, are you single, what are your hobbies, and so on.

“Did you lie ‘bout your age, JD?” Buck asked, walking up behind the kid.

JD turned around and gave the ladies man a look that Chris Larabee would be proud to call his own. “Not today, Buck,” he replied, handing over one of the papers. “I need that back ASAP.” He stepped out of the office and headed for Ezra.

“What are y’all goin’ to put down as your hobbies?” Vin asked, taking a sip of his coffee.

Buck grinned wickedly, and then stole one of Josiah’s pens.


Ezra looked up from his computer when JD entered the office. The kid was obviously stressed about something. “You all right, Mr. Dunne?”

“Fine,” JD responded, slipping into the seat Vin usually claimed as his own. “Can you fill one of these out?” He handed over a slip of paper.

“Don’t see why I couldn’t,” Ezra responded with a gin. He grabbed a pen out of his desk and started filling out the information. “Why does this seem to bother you so?”

“Casey asked me this mornin’ if I could get you guys to fill these surveys out…now, remember this is Casey I’m talking about.” JD leaned over the desk so he wouldn’t have to repeat himself. “She’s all, ‘make sure they fill ‘em out an’ they answer the question’s honestly’,” he mimicked her voice, or at least tried to. “Now, I tried to tell her who she was gettin’ to fill out this survey, an’ I thought she’d have better luck with some guys at school…”

“Mistake number one, JD. Never tell a woman how to do her work…particularly when you’re romantically involved.”

“Hell, Ezra,” JD sighed, leaning back in his seat. “Buck’s gonna have some kinda gross hobby that everyone’s gonna laugh at an’ Josiah’s gonna have some kinda foreign religious hobby that nobody ‘ill understand. It’s all gonna be harder for her to complete her assignment and I’m the one that’s gonna get pounded into the ground when she can’t get it done on time.”

“So why didn’t she ask some of her male college friends?”

“She says she wants ‘diversity’, she said that beer drinkin’ and sex parties don’t qualify as ‘real hobbies’.”

Ezra chuckled remembering his college days. “Perhaps you’re reading too much into this,” he said, finishing the questions.

JD through him a ‘yeah right’ look and then got to his feet. He needed to ask Chris to fill out a survey…maybe the team leader will answer everything honestly.

Chapter 2

JD tapped the papers down squaring all the edges and then he placed a paper clip in the corner. He hadn’t bothered to read them…too afraid to. When Buck stepped up behind him and grabbed the papers, JD jumped in surprise, he hadn’t been expecting that.

“Damn it, Buck! Give those back,” the kid snapped, reaching for the papers.

“Chris!” Buck yelled, “I know damn good an’ well you don’t collect stamps!”

JD sighed: here it goes.

“Shut up, Buck,” Chris warned, rinsing out his water glass.

“So, Cowboy,” Vin grinned, “what’s your hobby?”

“I collect stamps,” Chris lied.

“Ol’ Chris here,” Buck interjected, ignoring the team leader’s look, “collects nudie playin’ cards.”

“Mr. Larabee,” Ezra chuckled, “I’m fascinated.”

Chris sighed and leaned back against the counter. “What’d you put down, Buck?” he challenged.

Nathan grabbed the papers out of Buck’s suddenly still hands. The team medic started looking over the documents. “Says here that he ‘samples silicone breast implants after they’ve been installed’.”

“Buck!” JD yelled, “This is supposed to be serious.”

“You’d better scratch that out, Nathan, and put down that Agent Buck Wilmington enjoys watchin’ figure skating.” Chris chuckled when his long time friend’s face went red.

“I’ll have you know…” Buck sighed, “Peggy Fleming has great legs!”

“I’m…stunned,” Ezra said, placing his hand on his chest.

“Shut up, Ezra,” Buck warned, grabbing the papers back from Nathan. “What’d you put down?”

Ezra just grinned while watching the ladies man fish through the pile.

“You collect ‘Baseball cards’?” Buck asked surprised. “Didn’t know you knew anythin’ about that sport. I thought you’d be too busy ‘wine tasting’.”

Ezra rolled his eyes: “Contrary to popular belief, I happen to enjoy the game of baseball. Not only is it enjoyable to watch, but it’s strategically stimulating.”

“Whatever,” Buck muttered, moving to the next page. “Josiah…” he gasped, “you research facts?” he questioned.

“Yes, Brother,” Josiah responded. “For instance did you know; that when gentlemen in medieval Japan wished to seal an agreement, they urinated together, crisscrossing their urine streams?”

Everyone turned questioning eyes toward the older man.

“It’s true,” Josiah reassured, “Did you know that Thomas Crapper invented the toilet?”

 “Actually, Mr. Sanchez, it was a man by the name of Brondel,” Ezra said, with a smug smile. “I too, enjoy facts.”

“What’s your hobby, Nathan?” Vin asked, leaning against the wall.

“Knitting?!” Buck said in shock, raising his voice after looking on the sheet of paper.

“It’s soothin’,” Nathan replied defensively. He tried to ignore the chuckles from around the room. It is soothing, he thought reaching into the refrigerator for bottled water. “What’d Vin put down?” he asked the ladies man.

Buck paused a moment and chuckled lightly. “Say’s here he likes to make figures out of Play-Doh.”

“At least I don’t light my farts on fire,” Vin replied, motioning toward the ladies man.

“I believe, Mr. Wilmington is in training to be the first person to reach the moon without the aid of a spaceship.” Ezra chuckled.

Everyone suddenly turned their eyes in JD’s direction. They wanted to know what his hobby was. The kid took a step back, feeling like a cornered animal…a mouse perhaps, and everybody else was a cat.

“Out with it, JD,” Buck said, rolling the papers in his hands, forming it into a round tube.

“This is all supposed to be anonymous…I told Casey this was a bad idea,” he stammered, backing away.

“Come now, Brother,” Josiah’s voice boomed, “it ain’t that bad.”

“No doubt,” Chris said softly, “Nathan likes to knit for Pete’s sake!”

“I resent that,” the medic complained. He should have written something else down…but what?

“Okay,” JD snapped, standing up taller, “I like…to decorate cakes,” the words came out of his mouth slow and almost inaudible.

The room went quiet.

JD’s heart pounded in his chest and felt sweat gathering on his brow. This was hell. Now they knew, now, every time it was someone’s birthday he’d get stuck bringing the cake. He didn’t like to bake cakes, just decorate them…there was a difference. 

Buck cleared his throat, and then, speaking in a deeper voice asked, “Well, anyone feel like goin’ to the saloon and getting’ a drink…maybe watchin’ the game?”

“Hell, yeah,” Nathan responded with a grunt.

“Maybe could get into a fight, you know…kick some ass,” Vin said, adding to the ‘masculine’ theme that was taking place.

“So, Ezra, who’s your favorite team?” Josiah asked, forcefully grabbing onto the undercover agent’s shoulder, pushing him towards his office.

Chris leaned back and chuckled softly. The testosterone level in the room grew by leaps and bounds in a matter of minutes. He shook his head and started walking towards his office, making sure that his strides were strong and…manly.

JD watched everyone for a moment, slightly surprised that they hadn’t made a snide comment about his hobby. He ran his fingers through his hair and puffed out his chest. He needed to get down to the gym and work out. With that in mind he headed to his office to grab his jacket. The Rams were playing the Lions…should make for a good game.

“Go Rams!” Buck yelled, his voice strong and masculine. He stepped into the elevator and waited for the rest of his teammates to join him…all except JD and Nathan…they were going to walk.

The End