Where the Heart Is

by Stan Lee *

ATF Universe

Chris checked his watch and realized that only five minutes had elapsed since he'd last looked at it. He stifled a curse and returned to drumming his fingers on the armrest of his seat, despite the fact that it was obviously irritating the man sitting next to him. He was still half an hour away from landing at Denver airport, and the journey had already taken three hours longer than it should have.

Chris was returning home from an excruciatingly boring five day seminar on 'Relationships in the Workplace' that Judge Travis had insisted he attend. As far as he was concerned, there was nothing wrong with his relationships in the workplace. He barked orders, and his men did what they were told (unless they had a damned good reason, in which case he let them go their own way, and kicked ass afterwards). The seminar had consisted of lectures on things Chris had thought were plain common sense, and endless role-playing games that he detested and all but refused to participate in. On his way back he'd run into a series of delays and now he was irritated, hungry because he refused to eat the swill these airlines called food, and grubby from too much time spent in airport terminals. All he wanted was a decent meal, a hot shower - then maybe a mind blowing fuck to help relieve his tension.

Unfortunately, none of these seemed likely anytime soon.

Stupidly he had told Buck not to bother picking him up at the airport, unable to say for sure when he would arrive home. So all he had to look forward to was a long taxi drive out to the ranch and a meal of whatever he could find in his refrigerator - which probably wouldn't amount to much. For a minute he thought about calling Buck and asking whether he could change his mind about the ride. But it was Friday night and already 8 o'clock. Buck was bound to be out with JD or Vin, or any number of adoring women always available to him. Chris sighed. He'd doomed himself to a night of loneliness and frustration and he only had himself to blame.

The airplane finally touched down and Chris grabbed his bag from the overhead compartment and trudged off towards the taxi stand. Suddenly he heard an ear-piercing whistle and looked up to see a familiar face, split by a huge grin. Buck Wilmington raised a hand in salute and the cloud that had settled in on Chris hours earlier suddenly lifted. He returned the grin, and suppressing the urge to throw himself into the other man's arms, he contented himself with a heartfelt, "Thanks, Buck. You're a real life saver."

Buck's grin grew wider. "Couldn't let you come back home without a welcome," he said. Grabbing Chris' bag, he put a friendly arm around his shoulder and began to steer him towards the parking lot. Chris sank into the passenger seat of the truck and sighed in contentment. "Thank God you always ignore what I tell you to do," he said.

Buck smiled, "Not when it's important, pard. Just when I know what you really need."

Chris returned the smile, "And what do I really need?" he asked.

Buck looked him up and down for a minute. "I reckon a decent meal 'cos you never eat at airports, then a hot shower to wash away that traveling grime," he paused for a second, "Then I reckon a long, hard fuck should get you where you need to go."

Chris laughed out loud. "Nailed it, pal. Any ideas?"

Buck slapped him on the back. "I've booked us a table at Charlie's place so that should take care of the food."

"And the rest?" Chris asked.

"We'll get to that a little later," Buck winked. "Let's get you fed first."

Two hours later, a steak dinner and a bottle of good red wine had gone a long way to restoring Chris' spirits. Buck had regaled him almost non-stop with stories of what the team had gotten up to in his absence and he had alternated between wincing at the trouble they had managed to find and laughing out loud at the antics Buck described. Chris felt more relaxed than he had in weeks. What with the mind-numbingly stupid week he had just endured, and the tense drug bust they had worked on for almost a month prior to that, this was the first opportunity he had found to spend any real time with his oldest friend, his Team Seven partner, his lover.

Buck's faced glowed with life and warmth, his good humor was infectious and, as ever, Chris found himself marveling at how fortunate he was in having this man as a friend and colleague. The joy he felt at once again having Buck as a lover was as deep now as it had been years ago when they'd first hooked up - before Team Seven, before Sarah, before fire, pain and sorrow dragged them apart. Chris shivered, remembering the awful months when he had tried to shut Buck out of his life, consumed with grief and sadness, unable to accept the lifeline his oldest friend offered. He remembered the cruelties all too well, but Buck had never left his side and had pulled him through his darkest days. And when he had judged that the time was right, Buck had taken Chris back into his bed and reminded him of life and love and passion.

And it wasn't just their personal history that kept this man so deeply tangled in Chris' life. He was, after all, the heart and soul of Team Seven. Buck had immediately taken JD under his wing, providing a home and offering a world of experience to the young, wide-eyed rookie. He had been the only member of the team to wholeheartedly accept Ezra into their "family" when the others had been wary and suspicious. He was still one of the few people Ezra turned to on the rare occasions he asked for help. And Buck was intuitive enough to realize that the seemingly self-sufficient loner who had joined the team as a sharpshooter needed almost as much reassurance and encouragement as their youngest team member. Together with JD, Vin Tanner had a very special place in Buck's heart. He regarded both young men as kid brothers and treated them accordingly.

Chris listened fondly as Buck told yet another story, gesticulating wildly to make a point. The man had no idea how much Chris loved to watch him - especially around their Team Seven colleagues. He was the most openly affectionate man Chris had ever known. From his boisterous relationship with JD and Vin, treating the two as though they were a pair of mischievous puppies, to his careful handling of Ezra, who was still uncomfortable with too much contact but was coming around to Buck's particular brand of amiable enthusiasm. In fact, Chris mused, he was the only person Buck had practically no physical contact with at the office. Whether from respect for his position, or fear that he would betray their relationship, Buck was very circumspect around Chris in public. Which wasn't to say that they hadn't enjoyed some amazing fucks behind the closed doors of his office from time to time, or the occasional frantic grope when they were supposed to be discussing strategy. Then there was the mind-numbing blow job Buck had given him just last.... Chris suddenly became aware that Buck had stopped speaking and was smiling at him. He frowned, not having heard a word the man had said for the past ten minutes. Buck knew it all too well.

"When did I lose you?" he asked with a grin.

Chris had the grace to look abashed. "Sorry, pard. Long week."

"What were you thinking about, you looked miles away?"

Chris opted for the truth. "I was thinking how lucky I am to have you in my life, and I was thinking what a spectacular lay you are and how much I want to fuck you right about now," he answered and laughed softly to see that he was still able to make his lover blush.

"You in a hurry to get back to the ranch tonight?" Buck asked, almost shyly.

Chris shrugged, not the least bit interested in an empty house and a cold, lonely bed. "What d'ya have in mind?" he smiled.

"JD took Casey away for the weekend. I thought it might be nice to spend the night at my place for a change. I'll take you out to the ranch tomorrow. Unless you're anxious to get back to your own bed?"

"Nope. I'm more anxious to get into yours," Chris said. "But what about the horses? Everybody knows I'm coming back tonight, nobody will think to go out and feed them."

Buck grinned. "Just leave everything to me."

Twenty minutes later, Buck was opening the door to the town house he shared with the youngest member of Team Seven. Chris walked in behind him and shut the door. Before Buck could reach out to switch on the lights, Chris pulled him in for a long, heated kiss. His tongue languidly explored the other man's mouth and he groaned as he felt strong arms wind around his waist. They stayed pressed together for several minutes, hands skimming over each other's bodies, savoring their closeness after so long apart. Chris sucked gently on Buck's tongue, his kiss turning to a smile when he heard the other man moan.

"I've wanted to do that since I saw you at the airport," Chris whispered.

Buck smiled. "Me too. Missed you. Why don't you grab a shower while I make a couple of phone calls? I'll ask Vin to take a run out to your place later and look after the horses. You mind if he sleeps at the ranch tonight?"

"Tell him to be my guest," Chris said and planting another quick kiss on Buck's lips he headed for the bathroom.

The shower was perfect - hot to the point of scalding and relaxing to his aching muscles. When he had finished, Chris wrapped a towel around his waist and stepped into Buck's bedroom. The other man was standing beside his bed, trying to undress while talking into the phone that was balanced on his shoulder. He had managed to remove his boots and socks, but was having a little difficulty with his shirt. Chris grinned and went to help his friend, pushing the shirt off his shoulders and taking a little time to caress his lover's strongly muscled back. After he dropped the shirt, Chris undid Buck's belt and slid a hand down to stroke the other man's rapidly swelling cock. He smirked when Buck frowned and tried to still his hand, but Chris easily swatted him away and continued to tease until Buck began to arch into the touch.

"Yeah, that'd be great, Vin," Buck managed to continue talking into the phone even though he was being stroked ruthlessly and his breath was coming in short, sharp bursts. "Yep. No he don't mind. Yeah.... hang on." He held the receiver out to Chris, an evil grin on his face, saying unnecessarily, "It's Vin."

Dropping to sit on the edge of the bed, Buck hooked an arm around Chris' waist and pulled him up tight, whipping the towel away. Chris gasped when Buck bent his head and almost swallowed his aching erection. He grabbed the phone and groaned into it as Buck began sucking hard. "Yeah, Vin," he breathed, trying his best to listen to the man on the other end of the line while Buck worked him mercilessly. He knew he was not going to last long and as Buck's hot mouth slid down his length once more, Chris gave up. "Um...Vin, oh God, can I call you back?" Dropping the receiver without waiting for a reply, Chris grabbed hold of Buck's head and thrust quickly and deeply moaning, "Buck, I'm gonna...." before exploding into the other man's mouth. Buck continued sucking softly while Chris' body spasmed and finally collapsed. He caught the man up as his trembling legs gave way, and guided him gently to the bed.

"That should take the edge off," Buck smiled "God, you were wound up tight." He nuzzled into the other man's neck.

"Yeah, well it's been a while," Chris muttered, a little defensively. He pulled Buck closer and reached down to grasp the other man's thick cock, stroking it back to full hardness in a matter of seconds.

"What's the matter?" Buck teased. "You couldn't find anyone to keep you warm at night while you were away?"

Chris snorted, "I'm a one-man guy, remember? I ain't the one sleeps with half the female population of Denver."

Buck, who had been trailing wet kisses across the other man's chest, raised his head. "I'm wounded! Only half? You're behind with the news, pal."

Chris stilled his busy hands for a moment. "You put another notch on your bedpost while I was away?" He hoped Buck didn't hear the note of irritation that crept into his voice.

"Hey, I had to keep myself occupied somehow." Buck laughed.

Carefully keeping his voice as neutral as possible Chris asked, "Anybody I know?"

Buck, who was busy re-awakening Chris with his hands and his mouth replied absently, "Christy in Accounts."

"The ice queen?" Despite himself, Chris was impressed.

Buck smiled slowly, "She thawed quickly enough, pard."

Before he could stop himself Chris blurted, "Did you bring her here?"

Buck stopped what he was doing and pulled back to look at his partner. Chris turned his head away, refusing to let Buck read what was in his eyes, but the other man was not easily dissuaded. Rolling Chris onto his side, he stroked a hand gently down the man's flank.

"I thought we talked about this, Chris?" he murmured. "I thought you were okay with it."

Chris moved restlessly against the stroking hand. Buck stilled him. "Chris?"

"I'm fine" Chris growled.

"You sure, pard?"

"Christ Almighty, Buck, you can screw every woman in Denver if you want, but I don't necessarily want to talk about it," Chris snapped. "Look, I came here for a fuck. If that's too complicated for ya..."

"Whoa, easy" Buck soothed. "We don't have to talk about anything you don't want to."

"Good. You always wanna make a federal case outta everything. Just get the hell on with it and fuck me."

Buck looked at him closely for a moment longer, then shrugged knowing the man couldn't be pushed. He bent to whisper into his ear, "Okay. You wanna get up on your knees for me?"

Chris rolled over, glad to escape before he gave too much away. As Buck reached for the lube, he got up onto his knees and dropped his head to lie on his folded arms, keeping his ass high in the air, offering himself completely. Buck pushed slick fingers gently into Chris' body, scissoring him open while rubbing his back with soothing strokes. Coating his own cock, Buck positioned himself and pushed forward, slowly but steadily, not stopping until he was buried deeply in the other man's body. He stilled for a moment to allow Chris to adjust, then began to glide smoothly in and out until Chris moaned and pushed back, seeking his own rhythm. When Buck was sure that Chris was ready, he slipped out of the other man's body and pulled him upright. Raising his arms above his head, Buck guided Chris into the classic 'frisk' position, his hands splayed on the wall above the headboard, his head dropping forward slightly.

Buck tucked himself in behind Chris, pressing closely up against his back. He nuzzled into his lover's neck and whispered, "Open wider for me, love." Chris moved his knees further apart, straining with the effort to comply with Buck's wishes.

"Beautiful," Buck breathed into his ear, and Chris shuddered in his arms.

Buck sat back on his heels and stroked strong fingers over the rigid muscles in Chris' back and ass. Chris' natural dominance fought against the submission this position required, and Buck was amazed anew that he allowed himself to be taken in this way. He took some time to knead the corded muscles in his lover's back until he felt them relax, then he ran his hands down the man's trembling thighs, slipping his fingers deeply into Chris' body to keep him loose, planting soft kisses wherever his hands traveled. Chris moaned, his body undulating under Buck's skillful hands.

Kneeling back up again, covering Chris with his own body, Buck licked slowly up a vein that was throbbing in the man's tense neck. One hand wound around Chris' chest and rubbed softly over his nipples, raising them into hard nubs, the other hand slipped over Chris' hip to cup his rigid cock. Buck began stroking strongly up the shaft, all the time sucking gently on his lover's neck until Chris threw his head back onto his friend's shoulder and breathed, "Buck...", surrendering completely.

Only then did Buck repositioned himself. Applying a little more lube to his own raging erection, he grasped Chris by the hips and slowly pulled the man back, guiding him until the head of his cock just breached the other man's body. Taking one more moment to soothe with a gentle caress, Buck suddenly slammed upwards, making Chris arch his back and hiss 'yes'. Buck continued to slam up into him while Chris pushed against the wall to meet him halfway. Soon they were both sobbing for breath. When he felt his own orgasm about to explode, Buck groaned, "Chris...", and the other man dropped his head to the bed again and writhed as Buck angled in to hit his prostate. A few strokes later and Buck was pumping deeply into his lover's body. A touch of his hand on Chris' already pulsing cock, and he too tumbled into bliss.

The two collapsed onto the bed, tangled tightly around each other. Buck had the presence of mind to twitch up a cover, and they burrowed under it, Buck arranging their bodies so that he cradled Chris in his arms. Buck dozed for a minute while his breathing returned to its normal rate, but Chris couldn't rest, unsettled by their earlier conversation.

Rolling onto his front he began to absently trace patterns on Buck's stomach and chest. Not for the first time, he wondered how long Buck would accept their present relationship, whether he was happy with what they had between them, what place he had in the other man's life.

Feeling suddenly afraid he blurted, "Why don't think about coming to live at the ranch with me?"

Buck tensed in surprise, "What on earth brought that on?" he asked.

"It makes so much sense," Chris replied. "We could see a lot more of each other."

Buck snorted, "You mean you could keep a better eye on me?"

"That ain't it at all." Chris snapped. "Christ you always turn everything around."

Buck sighed and disentangled himself from Chris. Pulling the other man's head up he said mildly, "You know, Larabee, sometimes you are so full of horse shit."

Buck rolled out of bed and pulled on a pair of sweatpants. "I'm going to get a beer. Come find me when you wanna tell me the truth," he said and sauntered off.

Chris flung himself back onto the pillows, quietly cursing the other man. "Arrogant, know-it-all, son of a bitch." Deciding he didn't need to take this shit, Chris scrambled out of bed and began to collect his clothes. He pulled on his pants, then stopped. Who was he kidding? Certainly not Buck. And if not Buck then it was only himself he was trying to fool. Cursing out loud and dropping his clothes on the floor, Chris padded out on bare feet to find his friend.

Buck was in the kitchen putting together a triple decker sandwich. With scarcely a glance at his friend, he held out an open bottle of beer.

"Pretty sure of yourself, aren't you?" Chris growled.

Buck shook his head, "Nope. Pretty sure of you," he replied.

Chris took the bottle and perched on a stool at the kitchen counter. Taking a breath he admitted, "You're right. Part of the reason I want you at the ranch is because I thought I'd know more about what you were doing and where you were," he said.

Buck laughed out loud, "That wasn't so hard was it?" he asked.

"Oh, fuck off," Chris snarled.

Buck pushed half the sandwich across the counter towards him and the two ate in silence for a moment.

"What's the other reasons?" Buck asked. Chris looked up, confused. "For wanting me to come and live at the ranch with you?" Buck elaborated.

"Cos you're an irritating, arrogant, pain-in-the-ass who thinks he knows everything," Chris growled, still sore from the tumble he'd taken off his high horse. Buck quirked an eyebrow and waited him out. "Cos I miss you when you're not around," Chris mumbled, avoiding the other man's eyes. "Cos I like to hear your laughter in the house. 'Cos I wanna know you'll be in my bed at the end of every day."

Buck smiled and stepped around the counter to gather Chris up briefly into his arms. He tipped the other man's head back and combed fingers through his short hair. "You know we're not ready for that, Chris," he said, gently. "Half the team don't even know about us. What do you think they'd say if we moved in together? And what about JD? I can't just up and leave the boy by himself. You know that."

Chris fetched up a deep sigh and nodded. "I know," he said, quietly. "Lost my head for a little while there. Sometimes I just think it would be nice to have someone to share a cup of coffee with in the morning," he murmured.

Buck stroked a hand along the other man's cheek. "I'll give up the ladies, Chris, if you want me to," he said softly.

Chris sighed. It was just like the man to know what was really bothering him, despite how he danced around the subject. And there was no point in pretending otherwise because Buck would know he was lying.

Chris pulled his friend closer, burying his face in the other man's chest, inhaling deeply of his unique, warm scent and feeling the familiar tug at his heart and deep in his balls. He wanted to shout, "I never want you to date another woman. I never want to lie awake and think about you fucking somebody else and wonder if she'll be the one who'll win you away from me!"

But what Buck had said earlier was true. They had talked about it. At the beginning, when they were just starting back up with each other and Chris had said stupid things like "just casual" and "friendly fuck" and what he had really meant was that he was too scared to commit again to just one person. He'd thought that if Buck kept seeing his lady friends things wouldn't get too complicated between them. Instead he had rediscovered his passionate dependence on the man and had fallen deeply in love with him all over again. But he didn't know how to change things between them. He was too apprehensive to admit their relationship even to his closest friends, too afraid to declare himself in his profession, God, he couldn't even offer his home with any degree of sincerity. What, then, was he supposed to say? "I can't offer you more than the occasional fuck, but I want you to give up your life for me anyway?" His pride wouldn't allow that. So instead of screaming those things, he mumbled, "I wouldn't ask you to do that for me," and missed the fleeting look of pain that flashed across his lover's face.

Buck took a deep breath, pushing down the ache that was becoming a habit. He would gladly give up dating if Chris would give him any indication that he was ready for more out of their relationship. But obviously he wasn't, maybe never would be. Buck refused to push too hard, afraid that the man he had once more fallen so helplessly in love with might back away all together. And Buck knew that he couldn't live without this man in his life - even if all he had to offer was an occasional fuck. If that was all there could be between them, it would have to be enough. So he dragged up a smile and whispered, "Come back to bed."

Chris nodded and stood, turning to gather up his empty plate. He felt Buck wind arms around his waist, pressing up against his back. Buck dropped his head to the man's neck and feathered kisses up and down his shoulder.

"Anyway," he murmured into the other man's ear, "You make lousy coffee, no wonder you can't find anybody to share it with you."

Turning in Buck's arms Chris laughed, "Fuck you, Wilmington."

And with complete sincerity Buck replied, "Anytime, babe. Anytime."

The End