Mistakes

by Stan Lee *

Alternate Universe: Family Matters

It had been an absolute bitch of a week.

A case that had taken the team months of careful leg work and preparation had begun to unravel abruptly when the gang they had been laying a trap for had been tipped off. The take down, planned for weeks from now, had to be moved up to try and head off the dismantling of the operation before all the evidence was destroyed and the leaders went to ground. Long hours, incredible tensions, real danger had made this a difficult, arduous week and Chris and Buck were wrung out, edgy and exhausted.

They had barely seen the boys, had scarcely been home before midnight the whole week and were looking forward to re-establishing contact with the kids with their traditional lazy Friday night of take out food and a rented movie.

Buck pulled the car up outside the school and parked across the street, immediately catching sight of the boys in the school yard. When he didn't make a move Chris glanced over at him quizically and said, "Lean on the horn."

Buck shook his head. "You've forgotten the rules of surveillance?"

Chris quirked an eyebrow. "These are our kids, Buck. Not a couple of perps."

Buck waved him off. "You wanna know kids, you have to watch them when they think you're not around. View them in their natural habitat."

Chris snorted. "You've been watching too much Animal Planet." But he turned his head and started watching the kids more intently.

Vin was chatting to a pretty girl, his body language betraying both that he liked this one, and that he was nervous. JD was standing near by in the middle of a crowd of boys, laughing at his brother's obvious discomfort.

"Gonna have to give that boy a few pointers," Buck said, watching as Vin tugged at the ends of his shoulder-length hair, a sure sign he was tense and tongue-tied.

Chris glanced over at him. "When did you last make time with a woman?" he asked, and Buck thought he detected the faintest hint of jealousy.

"You never lose those skills, stud," he teased gently.

"You'll lose a hell of a lot more than your 'skills' if I ever catch you at it," Chris muttered under his breath.

Buck hid his smile. In fact, those skills were highly polished and honed to perfection. He liked to keep up flirtations with the female office staff, even though they all knew he and Chris were partners. There was just something so delightful about the way women responded when they were being flattered, even when they knew it was 99% bullshit. Besides, for Buck flirting with women was like breathing. Necessary to sustain life.

He reached out and gently stroked his fingers across the back of Chris' hand, more relieved than he cared to admit when Chris turned his hand and gripped hard. They didn't just need to reconnect with the kids, they also desperately needed to mend a few fences between themselves. They had fought ferociously and bitterly during the week, the stress of this case weighing heavily on them both. They had said some ugly things to each other in the heat of battle and they needed a little peace, some quiet time to ask forgiveness of each other in their own way.

As Buck and Chris watched, the pretty girl nodded, picked up her bag and turned to walk away, tossing her head when the group of boys JD was standing with obviously made some kind of comment. Vin waited until his brother turned towards him, then gave him the one-finger salute before picking up his own bag and starting to walk out of the school gate.

"Damn kids," Chris said irritably. "They must think we don't know what they get up to when we're not around."

Buck just shrugged. "I'll bet we don't know the half of it," he said. He leaned on the horn and waved when Vin looked up and changed direction to walk towards them, a wide grin splitting his face.

"Hi guys," Vin said. "Didn't expect you this early."

"I can see that," Chris groused. "That's a nice example for your brother, Vin."

Vin leaned up against the car. "Aww, Chris," he said. "I think he's seen that a time or two before."

"Don't 'aww Chris' me. He doesn't have to see it from you, does he?" Chris said.

Buck saw Vin roll his eyes, luckily Chris didn't. He quirked his eyebrow at Vin, who at least had the grace to look a little chastened.

"So, who was the pretty little gal you were talking to?" Buck asked.

Vin frowned and looked away. "Just a friend," he said evasively.

"What kind of friend?" Buck pressed.

"The kind I don't talk about in front of little brothers and fathers," Vin said.

"Ahhh, that kind of friend," Buck said knowingly.

They waited another few minutes while JD continued to talk animatedly to his friends. Chris shook his head in amazement. "Doesn't that kid ever stop to draw breath?" he asked.

Vin grinned. "Ask him about his schoolwork. That'll shut him up quick enough."

Chris began drumming his fingers on the side of the car, a sure sign he was getting testy. Buck tried to hide his smile and saw that Vin was doing the same. After another few moments Chris' patience failed him.

"Vin, go tell JD that we're getting gray hairs waiting on him," he said.

Vin threw his bag through the car window into the back seat, barely missing Chris' head, and strolled back across the street to herd his brother away from the crowd. Buck watched in amusement as Vin pushed and pulled the younger boy, who seemed to keep remembering things that had to be said, that couldn't possibly wait until Monday, and kept turning back to yell across the school yard.

When Vin finally shepherded the boy to the car, JD had a huge grin on his face, as though he had no idea that he had just kept them waiting for 15 minutes.

"Hi guys," he said, flinging his own bag into the back seat. His aim was not as good and the strap of his bag slapped against Chris' head.

"JD Dunne, getting into the car is not an Olympic event." Chris growled, rubbing the back of his head.

"Sorry, Chris," JD muttered, although he didn't look too bothered by the black look the man shot him.

"Boys," Buck sighed, "get into the car. Slowly!"

Vin and JD climbed into the back seat, more or less normally and without further incident. Buck glanced around and frowned at JD.

"What?" the young boy asked defensively. "What'd I do?"

"JD, weren't you wearing a sweatshirt and a jacket when you left the house this morning?" he asked.

JD considered for a moment. "Shi . . .Shoot," he said, ducking his head when Chris swivelled around to stare at him. "Must've left 'em in my locker."

Buck sighed. "How can you possibly forget what you were wearing?" he asked, not exactly incredulous, this had happened way too many times before.

JD shrugged. "I had more important things to think about than my clothes," he said.

Vin snorted, "Like what, squirt? Your latest comic book?"

JD elbowed his brother sharply in the ribs. "Well at least I don't waste my time thinking about Christy Parker," he shot back. "You haven't got a hope in hell of getting her to go to the Spring Dance with you."

"What would you know, you little . . ."

"Enough!" Chris growled, half-turning in his seat. The boys subsided into silence. "JD, get yer ass back into that school and get your clothes. All of 'em," Chris instructed. "Vin, stop winding your brother up. I don't want to hear another word out of either of you until we get to the video store."

Vin slid back in his seat while JD scrambled out of the car and ran across the street, disappearing into the school building.

Buck threw a look over to Vin. "Christy Parker?" he teased. "That the little girl we saw you with just now?"

Vin raised an eyebrow. "Can't talk about it," he said. "Chris says I'm not allowed to speak." He sat back further and looked pointedly out of the window, and Buck heard a noise and saw that Chris was trying to stop himself from laughing.

They sat in silence until they spotted JD, wearing his jacket, his sweatshirt dragging on the ground behind him. He slammed his way back into the car, the noise level seeming to rise just with his presence.

Buck started the car and pulled away. "I'll stop by the video store first," he said. "What are we all in the mood for tonight?"

"Horror," JD crowed.

"Action," Vin said, simultaneously.

"We had an action film last time. It's my turn to choose this week." JD said

"No way, JD," Vin argued. "Last week was your turn to choose but we didn't have a movie night so we didn't see anything. But that was still your turn."

"No fair," JD whined. "That doesn't count. Buck is that fair? I don't miss a turn just because you guys had to work, do I?"

"Buck," Chris groaned. "Make it stop."

Buck was beginning to wonder if they'd be able to get through this evening without a major blow up. Both he and Chris were on the edge, too tired to summon up much patience, nerves still raw from the stress and danger of yesterday's take down, wary with each other, almost afraid to touch after two days of near estrangement, happier not to talk at all rather than risk more fighting. He sighed because he knew the boys were just being themselves, their usual boisterous, noisy behaviour magnified by the fact that it was the beginning of the weekend. The kids' high spirits and the adults' shredded self-control; it was a volatile combination.

He was about to speak when he felt a hand squeeze his shoulder gently and Vin said, "Why don't you guys choose this week? What do you want to see?"

"Comedy," Buck said.

"Western" Chris said, simultaneously and grinned over at him, the first genuine smile he'd seen on the man's face in days.

"So," Vin said dryly, "all we need to do is find a funny horror movie, set in the old west with a lot of action in it and we're all happy. Piece of cake."

They pulled into the plaza and hopped out of the car. Chris slung an arm around JD's shoulder. "We'll choose the movie, you guys order the pizza and pick up the snacks. We'll meet you back at the car in fifteen. Okay?"

"But don't buy tropical Skittles again, Vin," JD piped up, "they were disgusting."

"JD," Chris sighed, "you don't get to choose the movie and the snacks. Come on," he started to guide the boy towards the video store, turning to throw over his shoulder, "Buck, no root beer." Buck and Vin exchanged long suffering glances and went to place the pizza order, then to the 7-11 to pick up the snacks.

Ten minutes later Chris was this close to walking out without renting anything at all. The very first film they had seen upon entering the store was a comedy western that had almost everything they were looking for in a movie and carried a rating Chris considered acceptable for a 14 year old. But despite the fact that the film was perfect for them, JD had refused to commit until he had seen everything available and had dragged Chris up and down every aisle before returning to the film and finally agreeing to it.

Chris had just about reached his boiling point when JD walked up to him and pressed a video box into his hand saying, "This is for you and Buck." The film was entitled Camino del Diablo, a vampire movie with an obviously sexual relationship between several of the male characters. Chris looked at his son, and the boy had such a bright, cheeky smile on his face, was so obviously delighted by his find that Chris felt a rush of love for the kid and the tension literally drained out of him.

"You're quite the smart ass," Chris said, smiling at his son.

"What? I'm serious," JD laughed. He flung an arm around Chris' shoulders and began to walk him towards the cash desk. "Picture it, Chris. The kids in bed, candlelight, a glass of wine. Just you, Buck and the vampires. Eh?"

Chris quirked an eyebrow at him. From the sexual content warning on the box, it might be just what he and Buck needed to kick start their sex life, which had been on hold forever while this case had been coming to a head. They had scarcely touched each other for weeks, falling into bed exhausted at the end of long, stress-filled days, then arguing themselves into a tense stand off and Chris knew that sexual frustration was as high for Buck as it was for himself. But things were still so difficult between them. They weren't even back on proper speaking terms, let alone fucking terms. It certainly wouldn't hurt to distract themselves with a little erotic fun while they were finding their way back to each other.

JD laughed and slapped him on the back. "Atta boy," he said and Chris was amazed all over again at how accepting and unabashed this boy was by the relationship between Buck and himself.

Buck was feeling uncharacteristically churlish as he waited for Vin to make up his mind between Wild Berry Skittles and M & M's; Coke and 7 Up. He was thinking rather sourly that his son's prevarication was likely purposeful, it seemed to him that the kids had easily manipulated him in the past into buying them whatever they wanted. Then Vin turned to him and said, "I can't decide. Let's get something you and Chris like," and Buck's bad temper deflated completely.

"Why don't you just get it all," he offered, pulling out his wallet and handing it to Vin and the boy turned such a startled, grateful smile on him that Buck felt his own mouth quirk up into a grin. Damn, but Vin was a sweet kid. Sweet and utterly transparent and Buck felt like a shit for having doubted his son's sincerity. These kids were always so appreciative of anything he and Chris bought for them. Vin, who so clearly remembered the life of privation before they'd come to live at the ranch, and JD, who had been too young to remember specifics of that life, both ridiculously thankful for even the smallest things they received. Buck remembered now why he so often bought the kids what they wanted. Not because they manipulated him into it, but because he loved to see this radiant, joyful look on their faces as often as he could.

Armed with movies, pizzas, snacks and in a whole lot better mood, they climbed into the car and headed for home.

The Friday night routine was well established and they swung quickly into action when they got home. The boys changed into work clothes and all but ran out of the house to take care of their chores. Chris and Buck went to their bedroom to change into sweats, and encouraged by Buck's earlier hand holding, Chris reached out tentatively to his lover. Buck stepped into his embrace, allowing himself to be gathered up tightly, and they clung together for a few minutes in mute apology, a prelude to the words that would be spoken between them later. Or maybe they would skip the make-up words and go straight to the make-up sex. Chris would have been happy to tumble into bed and catch up on weeks worth of lovemaking and sleep, and he suspected that Buck felt the same way. But they had just as strong a need to spend time with the boys so they pulled apart, with only a little reluctance, and went into the kitchen to warm up the pizza.

When the boys returned from their chores, laughing together, flushed and happy, they all sat down to eat and to catch up in their usual way.

"Okay," Chris said. "Buck, you first. Best or worst?"

"Best," Buck said, smiling at his partner and Chris smiled back, knowing what was coming. "Wrapping up the Portsmouth case," he said.

"That was the best thing that happened to you this week?" JD asked. "Doesn't sound too exciting to me."

Buck shuffled a little on his chair and glanced over at his youngest son. "We've been working the case for months, JD. Couple of things went wrong for us," he said carefully. "I'm just glad it's over, nobody got hurt and I've even finished all my paperwork thanks to the slave driver over there," he inclined his head towards Chris.

"How about you, Chris? You gonna choose the same thing?" JD asked.

Chris grimaced. "Nope. Gonna have to go with the worst." There had been so many bad moments in the past week he would have been hard pressed to choose just one. Learning that they only had two days to re-plan the takedown, arguing viciously with Buck about who would be on the inside team, having to sit back while his lover went into the most dangerous situation they had encountered in ages, listening in agony to gunfire without knowing who was firing the shots. And through all that tension and fear, being unable to find comfort with Buck because they had practically stopped speaking to each other. He glanced at his lover now and noted how anxiety and exhaustion had etched deep lines into his face. He looked wary, haunted and Chris knew that he was reliving some of those awful moments himself. Without thinking, Chris slid his hand across the table and covered Buck's clenched fist. Buck looked up, startled, then took in a deep breath and relaxed. Chris gave his hand a final reassuring squeeze and withdrew.

Obviously he couldn't tell the boys his real worst moments, so he opted for something they would understand. "Sorry guys, I have to go into work tomorrow afternoon."

"Chriiiis," two young voices cried in unison, and Buck shook his head and tried to hide his frown.

"I know. I promised no more weekends," Chris said, throwing up his hands. "But it's just a couple of hours, guys. Travis wants everybody's notes on this damned Portsmouth case first thing Monday and unlike Saint Buck here I haven't done mine. I swear this will be the last time . . ."

"You said that last time, Chris," JD said reasonably, saving the other two from voicing the same thought.

"I know, JD. Sorry. I'll make it up to you." He'd said that plenty of times too, he realized, but it couldn't really be helped. "How about you guys?" he asked, to get the focus of attention off himself. "Vin, best or worst?"

"Best," Vin said. "Christy Parker said she'd come to the Spring Dance with me. In your face, JD!"

JD grinned at him. "That's cool, man," he said, clearly impressed. "She's blown off half the guys at school, and the other half are too scared to ask her. Way to go."

Buck slapped him on the back. "Good for you, son," he smiled. "You and I can have a little talk later. I'll give you a few pointers."

Chris rolled his eyes and Vin laughed out loud. "In case you haven't noticed, Buck, you sleep with a guy. Don't know how useful your advice is gonna be."

Buck dismissed the argument with a wave. "Man, woman, the basics of romance are the same," Buck said. "I'll share the Wilmington family secrets with you. Guaranteed success."

Chris snorted. "You're better off on your own, kid," he said. "Unless your idea of the perfect date is a slapped face and the promise never to speak to you again."

"He's just jealous," Buck declared. "Take no notice of the bitter old man, Vin. Put your faith in ole Buck. How about you, JD? Best or worst?"

JD glanced at Vin and from the look they shared Chris knew he wasn't going to like what the kid had to say. JD turned a wary face towards him.

"Worst. I had to stay behind in class on Wednesday," he confessed.

"Damn it, JD," Chris admonished, and the tension and bad humor he thought he'd beaten back caught up with him again. "What for this time?"

"Talking in class," JD answered, ducking his head to avoid the black looks both Chris and Buck sent his way.

"And why didn't you tell us this on Wednesday?" Chris asked, trying to keep his temper under control until all the facts were in.

JD turned a stricken look on his brother. "I told him not to," Vin said.

Both adults turned their increasingly thunderous looks on him. "Do you care to explain that," Buck said, his voice tight with suppressed anger.

Vin swallowed hard. "JD was going to tell you but when you got home you were both really stressed and I didn't think you needed to be pissed off any more so I told him to wait until tonight."

Buck slammed a hand on the table, making both boys jump. "Vin that was completely irresponsible. We weren't so stressed that you couldn't even talk to us . . ."

"Yeah, Buck, you were," Vin interrupted, quiet but resolute. "You'd hardly got in the door before Chris shouted at us for leaving our baseball stuff in the yard. Then you guys didn't say a word all the way through dinner except to argue and Buck you almost snapped our heads off because you said we were being too noisy. You guys were in a mean mood. I didn't want JD to get in the middle of that."

Chris and Buck exchanged dismayed looks. Vin was fiercely protective of JD, saw it as his place to safeguard his brother from anybody who might hurt him. The fact that he had thought it necessary to run interference between the young boy and his guardians was a sickening blow to Chris and Buck.

"Guess you think I made a bad decision," Vin said, his voice wavering a little, "but I thought it was the right thing to do at the time."

For a moment there was absolute silence in the room while for the first time that week Chris and Buck stopped thinking of events in terms of themselves and realized just how little they'd actually seen of the boys, and just how blind they had been even when they had been home.

"Boys, give us a minute here, would you?" Chris asked quietly.

The boys exchanged an anxious look. "We'll go check on the horses," Vin said, nudging JD and they both rose and left the house quickly.

Chris turned to his partner. "You feel as much of an asshole as I do?" he said.

Buck actually looked ill. "What the hell have we done?" he whispered.

Chris wasn't exactly sure, but he knew he was going to damned well find out. He started replaying the events of the past days, only this time he tried to see things for the kid's perspective.

He remembered coming home on Wednesday night. The bitter argument he and Buck had been having all the way home had reached a noisy crescendo by the time they pulled up to the house and slammed out of the truck.

"You're just being stubborn. You know it makes most sense my way. You've been out of the field too long," Buck growled.

Chris stopped dead in his tracks and turned to face his partner. "What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" he spluttered.

Buck came to a halt in front of him, eyes flashing with anger. "We can't both be on the inside. You're out of practice and you know it. You're on back-up and I'm going in. End of story."

"You're forgetting who calls the shots in this team," Chris yelled.

"And you're forgetting that you do not make decisions for this family without me," Buck yelled back. "One of us has to stay outside. One of us has to be safe . . ." He stopped when Chris flinched violently. There it was, out in the open. The take down was going to be dangerous. They both knew it, had both avoided speaking about it while they tried desperately to manoeuvre the other into the position of safety. They'd been going at it like this since Monday morning.

"I'll be fine," Buck hastened to add. "It's planned down to the last detail. Nothing can go wrong."

Chris felt his gut tighten even further, the knot of fear in his stomach making him feel physically sick. Buck was right. They had kids. One of them had to stay out of harm's way and Buck had far more recent field experience, was much more proficient at the things that would be needed in this case. He honestly knew that his lover was right. But he didn't have to like it and he didn't have to give in without a fight.

"Nothing can go wrong?" he sneered, even though he knew Buck had only said the words to placate him. "That's a goddamned rookie's attitude. You're gonna have to do a whole lot better than that if you expect me to include you in the team tomorrow."

He registered the look of fury that tore across his lover's face, but turned his back before Buck had a chance to respond. Walking quickly across the yard, he was too wrapped up in his thoughts to take much notice of where he was going and he tripped over a baseball glove the kids had left on the grass. Cursing out loud, his anger found a focus. He banged into the house, catching sight of Vin and JD at the kitchen table, school books spread out in front of them.

"Haven't I told you a hundred times to pick up after yourselves?' he shouted. "Get out there and clean up your damned baseball equipment." JD paled and shot to his feet, edging out of the house. Vin stood more slowly and looked intently at his guardian. Chris read the look as defiance and he'd had just about enough of that from Buck.

"Wipe that look off your face if you know what's good for you," he growled. Surprise flared and died in Vin's eyes and he mumbled an apology and walked out of the house without another word.

Looking back now, Chris realized that the expression had not been defiance at all. Vin had simply been weighing up his guardian, judging that he was in too volatile a mood to be trusted with hearing about JD's trouble at school. That had probably been the point at which he had persuaded JD not to mention his detention. And Chris couldn't blame him for his decision. He and Buck had both been out of control. With a horrible sinking feeling Chris recreated the rest of the night.

They had walked into their bedroom, still sniping at each other. He remembered now that there had been a pile of clothes on the end of the bed, freshly laundered and neatly folded. He hadn't even registered that the boys had done the laundry for them, he had just pulled clean sweats out of the pile, had thrown some to Buck while continuing to argue loudly with him, and had swept the rest of the neat pile onto the chair beside the bed without a second thought.

He sat on the bed while he changed, turning to hiss sharply at his lover, "I'm not putting this case into jeopardy just because you want to play at being a hero."

Buck stiffened and stared at him, open-mouthed with shock. "You can't question my abilities," he said flatly. "You've signed me off on every training course offered over the past year, and you know the scores. What were you doing all that time? Oh yeah, riding your desk and managing paperwork."

"Managing paperwork?" Chris snarled, leaping to his feet. "More like covering your sorry ass when you couldn't be bothered to write up your reports. Do you know how many times I've had to make excuses for you? How many times I've had to tidy up your paperwork because you won't take the time to do it right in the first place?"

"When did you become such a fucking yes-man?" Buck snapped. "Putting the bullshit ahead of the job itself. I'm beginning to think that making you team leader was one of the worst damned decisions Travis ever made. It turned you into a fucking desk-jockey instead of an agent."

Chris absolutely knew that he'd pushed Buck too far. But Buck had pushed him too, and damned if he could pull back from the argument. It was as if a scab that they'd been picking at for months suddenly broke open and everything festering underneath had risen to the surface.

"God damn it, you've been busting my balls over that forever. I knew you didn't want me to accept the position. I asked you a hundred times whether I should and you wouldn't give me a straight answer. Well I'm in the job now, and I am your fucking superior and you will do what I tell you otherwise you can find yourself somebody else to work for because I will not have an insubordinate hot head working my team."

Buck looked at him, blue eyes usually so easy and jovial now hard and sharp as broken glass. "Be careful what you wish for, you self-righteous prick."

Chris walked out of the bedroom and thundered down the stairs into the kitchen. The boys had laid the table and were dishing out dinner. One of Buck's "everything" casseroles, fresh green beans, an opened bottle of beer beside Chris and Buck's places. Chris sat down, barely grunting an acknowledgement when JD crept up behind him and put a plate down on the table. He didn't look up when Buck came downstairs and sat in his place. They ate in silence, avoiding eye contact.

JD cleared his throat. "Is it all right if I go to Steve's house tomorrow after basketball practice?" he asked, his voice sounding loud in the unusual quiet.

"No," Chris said, more sharply than he'd intended. "I want you home tomorrow."

"But . . ."

"I said no," Chris snapped and saw the young boy recoil. Damn it. He could not take out his bad temper on the kids. "We're gonna be late again tomorrow, JD," he said, reining himself in tightly and speaking more gently. "We need to know that you're home safe. Another time, okay?"

"'Kay," JD mumbled, looking down at his plate. Vin reached out and squeezed his brother's arm and JD raised his face and gave him a weak smile.

Chris thought, looking back now with the clarity of hindsight. JD had lapsed into silence. Normally he talked a mile a minute, normally you could barely get a word in around his happy chatter, but on Wednesday night he hadn't opened his mouth again during dinner, not once. Chris should have known there and then that his behaviour was affecting the kids. How the hell had he been so blind and so damned stupid? He had been so caught up in his futile fight with Buck, in his visions that by this time tomorrow, Buck could be wounded in a hospital or decorating a coroner's slab, that he hadn't stopped to consider the boys.

Chris glanced over at Buck, who had wandered to the window and was looking out at the darkening sky, lost in thought. He wondered if his lover felt as badly as he did about how they had treated their kids.

Buck was feeling overwhelmed with guilt. God he had been an absolute bastard. To Chris, to the boys. Well, Chris was used to taking the good with the bad, even though the bad hadn't been that volatile between them for years. But the boys shouldn't have had to put up with any of his shit.

Wednesday night had been awful. After dinner the boys had begun to clean the kitchen. They had both been so quiet during the meal. Had he even stopped to wonder why? He and Chris hadn't seen JD for the past two days because they'd come home after the kid had gone to bed. Had either of them bothered to ask how he was, if he needed anything?

They hadn't helped the kids clean up, even though Vin and JD had cooked dinner for them. They'd sat back and glared at each other while the boys cleared off the table and began to wash the dishes. The kids started off quietly, but even in the shitty atmosphere he and Chris had managed to create JD's good humor was irrepressible and soon he and Vin were horsing around noisily. Buck looked at Chris and decided he had to make one last attempt to talk some sense into him. He opened his mouth only to hear JD shout in laughter at something Vin said to him.

"Damn it, you two," Buck snapped. "Keep it down."

JD's head turned sharply, his mouth falling open in surprise. Vin reached out and shook his arm and he turned back towards the sink. Vin leaned and whispered something into his brother's ear and JD shrugged and nodded.

Buck was irritated - by Chris' glowering presence, by the quiet, by the noise, even the kids' happiness was rubbing his nerves the wrong way. This whole damned week was grating on him and he just didn't have the patience tonight to deal with any of it.

"JD, go on up to bed," he ordered.

JD turned around again. "But it's only 9 o'clock, Buck," he said timidly.

"Then go and do your homework first, but get upstairs."

JD glanced at Vin, who nodded his head and sent his young brother on his way. It had been that way since the boys first came to live with them. In the beginning JD wouldn't do anything without Vin's say so. He wouldn't eat, even when he was obviously hungry, he wouldn't sleep, even when he was dead on his feet, not unless Vin told him he could. It had taken them literally years to ease him off his dependence on the older boy and they had made a lot of progress. But today, if JD was confused or felt conflicted, he still looked to Vin for an explanation or for permission. Buck knew it, he understood and accepted it, but tonight he couldn't get Chris to do what he wanted and JD checking with Vin before obeying ratcheted up his bad temper even further.

"Vin, you can go too," he said, knowing how sullen he sounded.

Vin glanced at him. "Sure, Buck. You want me to finish this first?" he asked so carefully, so tentatively that it set Buck's teeth on edge. He felt like a complete bastard, bullying a couple of kids, taking his frustrations out on them because tomorrow either he or Chris would be under fire, and Chris was refusing the safer choice out of self-centered, bull-headed stubbornness. There was no chance that he was going to snap out of his bad mood.

"No, just go on up, boys," he said tiredly, rubbing the bridge of his nose, a headache building quickly behind his eyes. He said goodnight half-heartedly when the boys left the room. Chris didn't even rouse himself to do that.

He took a deep breath. "We have to get this settled, Chris," he said. Chris ignored him. "Ezra's already on the inside, Josiah hasn't worked undercover in years. You know those red-necked fuckers wouldn't even let Nathan through the door, let alone trust him with any information. That just leaves you or me and you're the boss, you can't put yourself on the front line."

"Yes, I'm the boss. So I make that decision, not you," Chris said, surly.

Buck swallowed down his pride. If Chris needed to throw his weight around in order to save face, that was fine with him. As long as his lover agreed to let him take lead.

"I'll do whatever you tell me to," he promised.

"You're damned right you will," Chris growled. "And you can start by briefing Josiah first thing in the morning. I've decided. He's in, you're out."

Buck slammed his hand down on the table for the second time that night, all thoughts of conciliation flying out of his head. "You're actually gonna risk the whole op, put Josiah and Ezra in more danger just because you can? You think Josiah's not gonna figure it out, Chris?" he snapped. "'Huh, who's the boss willing to risk, his boyfriend or the canon fodder?' I'm the only one qualified to do this, you stubborn, stupid bastard."

"How dare you . . ." Chris started.

"You got another reason to keep me out of the line of fire, you tell me now."

"Buck? Chris?"

Buck's head reared and he saw Vin standing at the top of the stairs. He opened his mouth to respond, seeing a look of fear in his son's eyes, realizing that he and Chris had begun to scream at each other again and that the kids could probably hear them. But before he could speak Chris had spun around and was shouting up at Vin. "Do as you are told for once and get back into your room."

Even from the bottom of the stairs Buck saw his son's shocked flinch, but the boy said nothing further, just turned on his heel and disappeared down the hallway towards his room.

He should have gone upstairs and talked to Vin. He saw that now. No telling how much the boy had heard or guessed at and what he must be thinking. Instead he reacted when Chris made another cutting comment and they continued to argue; stupid, senseless words that did nothing to resolve the conflict between them and only made Chris more angry and more intractable. In the end he stalked off to their bedroom and the two of them turned their backs on each other, crowding as far away from each other as they could in the King sized bed. This was their worst argument in . . . he couldn't even remember another time they had fought this badly. Not since they'd gotten together.

He woke next morning, legs and arms tangled around Chris, their bodies unconsciously seeking each other during the night. Buck breathed in deeply of Chris' familiar, arousing scent and burrowed closer to the warm body. As he swam towards full consciousness he felt his cock stirring into life. Chris stretched and yawned and for a moment they rubbed against each other and he felt Chris' erection heavy against his leg. But then Chris tensed and squirmed out from beneath him, rolling to sit on the edge of the bed. Buck cracked an eye open and reached out to stroke a hand down his lover's back but Chris shrugged him off and pulled on sweatpants, walking out of the bedroom without a backward glance. Fully awake now, he suddenly remembered what was going to happen today and that, combined with his lover's brusque rejection, was like a bucket of cold water, dashing his desire completely. Buck sighed and rolled onto his back. He heard the shower but knew better than to follow his lover into the bathroom. Chris would not welcome intimacy in his present mood.

He pulled on his own sweats and wandered down to the kitchen intending to start breakfast. He was a little surprised to see that Vin was already up and standing at the stove, eggs and bacon frying in the skillet. Usually it took several shouts and Chris' threat to come upstairs and turf them out of bed to get the kids up in the morning and here it was, only 6 o'clock and Vin was already up and about. Buck grunted in response to Vin's cheery greeting and sat at the table, slipping back into his black thoughts, while Vin put a cup of strong coffee in front of him followed by a plate of food.

"We're gonna be late again tonight, Vin," Buck said. "I want you to pick up JD after his basketball practice."

"'Kay," Vin said.

"Come straight home afterwards."

"Buck, can I just . . ."

"Don't argue with me, Vin," Buck snapped. "Pick your brother up after practice and come straight home. It's not that difficult."

"Yes, Buck," Vin murmured then lapsed into silence. Chris came downstairs, showered and dressed and sat down at the table opposite him and Vin served him with breakfast and a cup of coffee then stepped back from the table.

"We'll do it your way," Chris said, with total bad grace, but at least he was listening to reason. "You're on the inside, I'll back you up."

He remembered that he'd glanced over at Vin, oddly surprised to see him still standing by the sink, staring at him. But he'd been too distracted to wonder what the expression on his face meant. He'd gone upstairs to get ready and when he'd come downstairs twenty minutes later the poor kid had been getting a dressing down from Chris.

"Don't skip the chores tonight, Vin. You boys didn't do a very good job of it yesterday. The horses need to be put on the walker for thirty minutes. I don't want to come home and find it's been forgotten. Understand?"

"Yes sir," Vin said.

"Pick your brother up after practice and come straight home. We'll be late so don't wait dinner for us. Make sure you both do your homework and I want JD in bed at a decent time. Lock up if we're not home by eleven."

"Yes, Chris."

"Good. We'll see you tomorrow morning. Wake your brother up when we've gone. I don't want you late for school."

They had walked out without having said a kind word to their kids since they'd stepped into the house the evening before. Vin had come out onto the porch to see them off, and it was only when they were in the truck and Chris was turning the vehicle around in the driveway that Buck had looked over at his son and seen something that had finally jolted him out of his self-absorption. The kid looked so small and forlorn standing there, hands jammed into his pockets, looking like the youngster that he was. A sudden memory surfaced.

"Shit! Stop the truck," Buck said.

"Goddamn it, Buck. We don't have time for this," Chris growled.

"Stop the fucking truck, Chris," Buck demanded and Chris slammed on the breaks, cursing loudly.

Buck climbed out and walked towards his son. "You were supposed to be going bowling with your friends tonight, weren't you?" he asked. The boy nodded.

"I'm sorry, Vin. I really am."

"That's okay, Buck. I know this case is important," he said, and there was that look in his eyes again, the one Buck didn't have time to deal with right now.

"We'll make it up to you. I promise," he said, instead. "Do you need any money to buy something for supper for you and JD?"

"Nah. Got it covered," Vin smiled. "Buck," he blurted, "will you call me, later. After . . . at the . . .when it's over?"

Buck frowned. "I always call if we're gonna be late, don't I?"

Vin shrugged. "Yeah. Just wanted to remind you 's all."

Chris leaned on the horn and yelled out of the truck window at him.

"Gotta go before he bursts a blood vessel," he said ruefully. "Look, this case will be over by tomorrow. We'll spend some time together this weekend, all of us. Okay?"

Vin gave him a small smile "Sure, Buck. Take it easy."

Buck smiled and reached out to pull the boy into a quick hug. Did he at least acknowledge then how grateful he and Chris were for their son's help? He didn't think so.

He was pulled out of his reverie when Chris made a small noise in his throat. He looked up. "Look at this place," Chris said. "It's neat, the whole house is tidy. The boys did everything. They cooked and did the laundry, they got themselves to school and back, they looked after the horses, did their own chores and everything we should have been doing around here."

Buck shook his head. "We expected Vin to act like an adult, and he did. But we treated him like a kid. We said we'd never bring our work home with us but we fought like fools in front of them, and I'm sure now that Vin knew I'd be at risk Thursday. Shit!" he cursed himself, the bad guys, and the whole situation.

The two men looked at each other, their behaviour to each other and to the kids suddenly coming into sharp focus. What the hell had they done, and how were they going to make it right?

Ten minutes later the two men stepped into the barn. The warm familiar fragrance of hay, horse and leather soothed Buck's nerves as it always did. It was a smell he associated with Chris and sex, a smell that spoke to him of happiness and of home. The boys loved this place as much as he and Chris did and all four of them came here whenever they needed a little peace, a little calm.

The boys were leaning over one of the stalls, heads close together, talking quietly. They turned when they heard Chris and Buck enter and their eyes betrayed a mixture of apprehension and wariness. Vin's arm slid across JD's shoulder in a gesture of protectiveness that tugged at Buck's heart and made him curse himself and Chris all over again for their stupid lack of thought, for being such self-centred idiots.

Chris cleared his throat. "JD, how long did you have to stay after school on Wednesday?" he asked.

"An hour," JD said softly.

"Okay. We want you to take an hour tomorrow and do a little extra school work. And next time we want you to tell us immediately if you run into trouble at school. Understand?"

"Yes, Chris," JD said, ducking his head.

"Vin. You made the call. I'll live with that this time, but don't do it again. All right?"

"Yes, Chris," Vin said.

Before Buck had the chance to speak Vin took a step forward and took the words out of his mouth. "We've been thinking about the last couple of days and trying to see things from your point of view. And we're sorry."

Buck shot Chris a confused look. That was supposed to be his line.

"I'm really sorry, guys," JD said. "You worked so hard this week and I tried to take care of things but I let you down. Geez," he said, going a little pale with memory, "they wanted to call you at work . . ."

"And the one night you were able to come home we just ended up getting on your nerves because we wouldn't shut up," Vin continued. "We kind of kept forgetting about how tired you were and that you needed to talk business."

JD sucked in a big breath. "And now you're finally home and instead of getting to relax you have to deal with our screw-ups."

"We know we don't deserve to watch the movie tonight . . ."

" . . .so we figure we'll go to our rooms now and let you have one night without us bugging you. I'll be quiet, I promise. But we were kinda hoping that if you're not still mad at us, maybe we can sorta start the weekend again tomorrow because we missed you and we were hoping to spend some time with you . . ." He ground to a halt when Chris made a small noise and turned away.

Buck caught the glisten of tears in his partner's eyes. At the best of times the kids had a way of getting past their defences and going straight for the heart. But with both of them so tired, so emotionally overwrought, he and Chris were feeling more than usually fragile and the kids' words had affected Chris deeply. Buck knew that the only thing stopping him bawling like a baby right now was the look of panic on JD's face.

"Did I say something wrong?" JD asked his brother, clearly stricken. Vin looked as confused as JD.

"No, JD," Buck said, because Chris was in no shape to handle this right now. "You didn't say anything wrong. Chris and I came out here to tell you both how amazing you were this past week. We couldn't have done our jobs properly if it weren't for the way you two behaved. We're both real proud of you."

Vin and JD exchanged surprised looks. "We didn't do anything special, Buck," JD said.

"Yes you did, JD," Buck said. "You looked after yourselves and the house, you got yourselves to school and kept up with your homework. You fed us and kept us in clean clothes..."

"That's just regular family stuff," Vin said dismissively.

"That's the most important stuff of all," Chris said, having gotten himself under control. He turned back to the boys. "And Buck and I forgot about that for a while. You guys put up with a load of crap from us, and we were just plain mean. We nagged the hell out of you and all the time you were holding this place together. We're so sorry about that."

JD cut a look over to his brother and frowned. "You two are kinda clueless sometimes, aren't you?" he said.

Chris and Buck looked at each other in surprise.

"I don't think he meant it like it came out," Vin hurried to explain.

"What do you suppose he meant?" Buck asked, a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.

"What I mean," JD said, "is that I was at Martin's house the other day and his dad called him a lazy, fucking good for nothing, and last week Kenny turned up at school with a black eye 'cos his father got drunk and hit him, and he hits Kenny's mom too. And the SUV suck ups, seems like they don't recognize their kids half the time, or care the other half. You two never fight, you're never falling down drunk, you've never cursed us or called us names or hit us or kicked us out of the house."

"And you love each other, and you love us. You two are the most stable parents we know," Vin said. "Doesn't mean you're not gonna yell sometimes."

Buck shook his head in amazement. He glanced over at Chris, who was still looking a little shaky. "You know, Chris and I love you very much. We don't always show it . . ."

"Aww hell, guys," JD interrupted. "You show it all the time." He grinned faintly, "sometimes too much, especially in front of my friends. But it's cool. We just wish we could show you sometimes what you mean to us instead of screwing up all the time and making your life miserable."

Chris made another strangled sound and this time he crossed the barn in three steps and grabbed his startled son up in his arms, hugging him tightly. JD's arms came up around his neck and hugged back and Buck saw the tension ease out of his lover as the tears that had never been far from the surface tonight spilled over and tracked down his cheeks.

He spoke for Chris when he said, "Boys, you've never, ever made our lives miserable. You're the best part of it. We want you to always remember that, no matter how we behave. Now tonight we're gonna have a nice quiet evening in, watching the movie together, then the rest of the weekend is yours. Whatever you want to do."

"Really?" JD said, excited. "I thought Chris had to work."

"Forget that," Chris said firmly, releasing his tight hold and scrubbing at his cheeks. "We've been away too much lately. Travis can wait for his report. This weekend is just for us. What do you want to do?"

The boys looked at each other and smiled. "The lake," they said in unison.

"The lake it is," Chris said, returning the smile. "First thing tomorrow we'll saddle up the horses, pack up the tents and take off for a couple of days."

"Thanks, guys," JD smiled. He looked between the two adults and said quietly. "You want we should go up to the house and get the popcorn started?"

Buck looked at him quizzically.

"Kiss and make up time," he said gently and Buck felt a jolt of horror that the kids knew that he and Chris were estranged.

Vin reached out and grabbed his brother's arm. "We'll see you back at the house. Whenever you're ready." And the two boys left them alone, to face each other.

Buck looked over at his lover and saw that he was just as stunned. He stepped up to Chris and reached out gently to wipe at the wet track marks on his cheeks. "I do wanna kiss and make up," he whispered. "I'm so sorry, Chris."

"What for? For trying to make me see reason?" Chris asked, nuzzling his face into Buck's chest. "I was scared as hell for you," he whispered, and Buck held tight while his lover shuddered in his arms.

"I said some awful things . . ."

"No worse than the things I said," Chris answered, still talking to his shirt.

They clung together for a moment, then Chris raised his face and their mouths met in a long, deep kiss that went on and on until they were light-headed and panting for breath.

Buck breathed in deeply, the warm soothing smell of the barn, the feel of Chris safe and loving in his arms, the boys up at the house, happy and carefree, and he couldn't remember the last time he'd felt this content.

They followed the smell of popcorn into the den and Buck noticed the brief flare of anxiety that quickly died when the boys saw them walk in hand-in-hand. JD smiled and slid off the couch and onto the floor, giving them room to take up their usual places. He sprawled out and tucked Chris firmly into his arms, Vin half-lying on the sofa with them, JD pressed up against his legs. The movie was stupid and fun and just what they all needed and he was soothed further by the boys' familiar teasing banter and the way Chris cuddled up against him.

When the film was over, he nudged Chris, who was dozing lightly, and they gathered up some of the debris of pop cans and candy wrappers and carried them out to the kitchen. He reached for his lover, and Chris stepped into his embrace and returned his passionate kisses until they heard JD's voice, light and amused as the kid came into the kitchen, "Get a room you two."

Chris turned in Buck's arms but didn't move out of his embrace. "Smart ass," he growled.

JD just grinned. "I'm sleeping in Vin's room tonight, 'kay. We're gonna watch some T.V."

"Okay," Chris said. "But don't stay up too late. We've got an early start tomorrow, remember?"

"And I don't want you watching South Park. You know you're too young for that show," Buck added.

"Aww Buck," JD whined.

"Don't 'aww Buck' me. We've had this conversation before. Vin, I'm trusting you on this."

Vin walked into the kitchen, balancing empty popcorn bowls. "Don't worry, guys. I'll keep him in line," he grinned.

"Traitor," JD mumbled, a brief frown marring his face. But it vanished quickly enough and he bounced across the room and threw an arm around each of the adult's necks. "Night guys. I'm really glad you're home. We missed you." He pressed a sloppy kiss onto Chris and Buck's cheeks.

"We're glad to be home, JD. Missed you too," Buck smiled. He turned to Vin. "Guess you're too old for a kiss?" he teased.

Vin quirked an eyebrow at him and walked deliberately across the room. He leaned in and kissed Chris, then turned his face towards Buck. "It's your generation that's hung up on showing emotion, not mine," he said, and placed a firm kiss on his guardian's cheek.

"Come on, Vin. The Simpsons are on in five minutes," JD called from half way up the stairs and Vin turned a sweet smile on Chris and Buck and said, "Have a good night, guys. See you bright and early."

"Don't forget the vampires, Chris," JD shouted as the two boys raced upstairs.

Buck and Chris heard the bedroom door slam and Chris turned and grinned at his partner. "So. You feel as old as I do?" he asked.

"Old, obsolete and repressed," Buck replied. "Vampires?"

Chris smiled. "Come with me," he said, grabbing up a bottle of wine and two glasses and leading the way to their bedroom.

He took JD's advice, not unaware of how ludicrous it was to take romantic tips from a 14 year old. But what the hell. JD had behaved a lot more wisely than he had these past few days.

While Buck was in the bathroom he lit a few candles, and poured the wine, then popped the tape into the VCR. In the end they only needed a few minutes of Camino del Diablo to re-ignite the passion between them. The blond vampire had no sooner knelt in front of his dark-haired lover, before Chris followed suit, not to suck blood from Buck, but to suck something just as vital to his well-being.

The End