Reasons
Disclaimer: Not mine. Never will be - I couldn't afford to feed them. Buck and Josiah alone would eat me out of house and home.
Part 1
It had been two months since the incident with Charlotte and Vin was finally getting back on good footing with everyone; except Chris and Ezra. Chris he understood. He'd let the man down and it would take a little while for them to get back to the way things were.
And Ezra's reluctance was his own fault. You really couldn't expect someone to forgive you if you avoided them. And he had been avoiding the gambler since his return. Vin didn't want to approach him in any way until he was a little more sure of himself. But what scared him was the fact that it didn't seem to be bothering Ezra at all.
Even now while the seven of them were on the trail returning from testifying at a trial over in Sweetwater Vin avoided him, but it was much harder to do out here. And much more noticeable. Looking up he found himself mesmerized by the sight of the real reason he hadn't been able to run off with Charlotte silhouetted against the dying sun.
Ezra sat staring at the fire and suddenly got the feeling that he was being watched. Looking up he found himself caught in the gaze of Vin's blue eyes. "Mr. Tanner is there something you wanted?" he felt obliged to ask.
Vin was glad of the waning light because he felt his face flame at being caught staring and wearily shook his head. Then without a word got up and walked in the direction of the stream.
"Happy now?" Nathan snapped. Damned southerner just couldn't ever keep his mouth shut.
"What?" asked Ezra. "He was staring at me. Not the other way around gentlemen."
"Ever ask yourself why?" Buck questioned.
"I just asked him why," he replied deliberately misunderstanding Buck.
"What's your problem with him lately any how?" Nathan asked.
"Problem? I haven't got a problem with Mr. Tanner. He's been avoiding me Mr. Jackson. Why don't you ask him?" Ezra replied and got to his feet and walked off into the sparse woods behind him.
Josiah shook his head as he watched the younger man walk away. Something was going on between those two he was sure of it and tried to think of a way to help his friends out.
Vin kicked a pine cone and cursed under his breath. Dammit, he mumbled and leaned against a near by tree and hide his face in the crock of his arm. Taking a deep shuddering breath he pushed away from the tree and went to the stream to wipe his face off. Feeling hot and dusty Vin took off his jacket and shirt and threw them aside and knelt down and splashed some water on his face and used his bandanna to wipe off his chest. And stilled as he heard something. Vin waited a moment and then reached for his mares leg and circled around and went to investigate.
Problem? He didn't have a problem, Ezra mumbled under his breath as he walked aimlessly around, but didn't go to far for fear of getting lost. He didn't have a problem with Vin avoiding him. Why would he? I mean just because he'd come to ca...... like the man didn't mean he had a problem, he argued with himself. Hearing noise to his left he turned and walked toward the stream knelling down he peered through the bushes and felt his mouth go dry at the sight before him.
There not more than ten feet away was Vin striped to the waist wearing nothing but his trousers. By the heavens he was gorgeous, Ezra thought to himself as he watched the Texan wash himself off. Even as the loved starved gambler let his eyes feast on what he could see of Vin's body his conscience made him question the rightness of spying on the man. With a heart felt groan he finally turned away and sat down and froze as he heard a twig snap. Peering through the leaves of the bushes he breathed a sigh of relief because Vin didn't seem to have heard anything. After allowing himself one last look he turned away again, but didn't leave.
A change in the air had Ezra looking up and a glance at the stream had him quickly getting to his feet because Vin was gone. A panicky feeling settled into his stomach as he spotted his shirt and jacket still lying to the side. Hearing a noise behind him Ezra stepped back into the shadows and gasped as he felt himself enclosed in a tight grip and some how knew it was Vin.
Vin silently cursed at the rustle of the dry leaves under his feet and waited for the dark form to back right into him and the tracker quickly grabbed him. Vin instantly recognized Ezra's scent and got distracted and lost his balance sending them both spiraling to the ground.
Only with a quick maneuver did Ezra manage to turn so that he landed on top of Vin. "It's me!" Ezra urgently whispered in a near by ear. "It's Ezra," he breathed out across Vin's neck and allowed himself to relax completely against the younger man. Just once he wanted to feel the other man beneath him and took full advantage of the situation.
"Ezra," Vin whispered and relaxed, but couldn't suppress the shiver of delight that Ezra's whispered breath caused as it traveled across his naked chest and leaned his head back and closed his eyes.
Ezra felt Vin shiver and could even feel his thundering heart beat. Feeling something else made him tense with anticipation. Leaning down Ezra nuzzled the exposed neck and kissed his way up to Vin's ear and gave it a little nip. Raising up on his elbows Ezra got lost in those blue eyes and pressed his leg between Vin's and let him feel just how much he wanted him and was rewarded with an low groan. Never breaking eye contact Ezra lowered his head until their breaths mingled and just as he was about to get his first taste of heaven he heard someone call out his name and tensed. Laying his forehead on Vin's he whispered, "Vin."
Vin couldn't believe what was happening. Here he was laying on the ground with a very aroused Ezra on top of him. It was like a dream come true. And as Ezra kissed his neck Vin lifted his hands he ran them slowly up Ezra's legs and past his hips and up the side of rib cage and watched as if in a trance as those lips lowered to his and quickly wrapped his arms around him and clutched him to him as he heard someone call out Ezra's name. No!, he silently screamed, not when they were so close.
Feeling those strong arms wrap around him snapped him back to reality and he pushed away. "I'm sorry Vin. I shouldn't have.....," he mumbled shaking his head and got quickly to his feet and on shaky legs walked away.
"Ezra wait," Vin said in a harsh whisper, but it was to late because he was gone. Curling up on his side Vin silently cried and fought for control. Wiping the tears away he relived the last few minutes and grinned as he realized that Ezra wanted him. He felt his heavy heart lighten and he realized in that moment that he was ready to take that next step and knew that he would be taking Ezra with him. After a few more minutes of just laying there he finally got to his feet and slowly made his way back to the stream and picked up his clothes.
Josiah looked up as Ezra walked out of the bushes and could tell he was upset about something. "Ezra are you ok?" he asked.
Not trusting his voice Ezra just nodded and walked over toward the horses pretending to check his saddle bag for something.
"Ezra are you sure you're ok? Because I gotta tell you, son don't look it," Josiah said.
"I'm ok Josiah. Really," was the reply. How could he explain something that he didn't completely understand himself. Hell Vin had been avoiding him since his timely return with Cha..... that woman. And now all of a sudden he wanted him. No, no, no, Ezra shook his head. It was all a little to convenient for his tastes. But oh how he wanted it to be true. Just once he wanted convenient. He wanted the easy way.
Josiah wasn't sure what to do. It was oblivious something had upset Ezra, but as usual he wasn't talking. So he did the only thing he could and waited.
Vin was sitting on his bedroll as Ezra and Josiah walked back into camp and couldn't help but follow the man with his eyes. Look at me Ezra, he silently pleaded, give me something so I know that what happened wasn't a dream. If he knew for sure that the gambler wouldn't shoot him he'd grabbed him and drag him back in the woods and tell him exactly how he felt about him. Because as he walked back to camp he realized that he loved Ezra and would try anything to win the man's heart for his own.
Ezra felt Vin's eyes on him, but wasn't ready to face him yet and instead just got ready to turn in for the night.
Josiah watched Vin as he watched Ezra and saw the pain in his blue eyes and something else that made him gasp and drop the coffee cup he'd just picked up. Well now, looks like he was going to have to have a little talk the Texan and find out what his intentions were. He wouldn't allow anyone to hurt Ezra; not even Vin.
The tracker tore his eyes away from Ezra as he heard the gasp and looked up and saw the knowing look in Josiah's eyes. Great, he thought, if Ezra didn't kill him then Josiah would. Glancing once more at Ezra he looked back at Josiah and tipped his hat and bid everyone goodnight.
They got started early the next morning and try as he might Vin hadn't been able to catch Ezra alone. One of the others was always there; especially Josiah. Of course, it didn't help that Ezra was now avoiding him. But he was determine and he would get his chance even if he had to become the man's shadow.
Chris frowned as he watched Vin and Ezra and Josiah danced around each other and wondered just what in the hell was going on.
They arrived back in town late that afternoon and each went their separate ways. Vin stayed in the livery and had just put something in the tact room and reached for the door only to find Josiah behind it and jumped.
"Damn Josiah you scared me," Vin said none to pleased. To buy him some time he pretended to fumble with the latch on the door, but the older ma wasn't buying it.
"We need to talk son," Josiah stated
"I ani't Ezra and this son business ani't gonna work with me Josiah," he replied and turned to walk away only to find himself grabbed by the back of the neck and lifted bodily off the floor.
"I said we needed to talk. So let's step out back," he said releasing the younger man and pushed him toward the back of the livery.
"Ok what do ya wanna talk about?" Vin asked. He wasn't about to make it easy for him
"Ezra."
The tracker tensed and looked away and then took his hat off, "What about him?"
"Relax Vin I'm not going to hurt you; unless you hurt him," he reassured him. "All I want to know is what your intentions are?"
Shallowing hard Vin stammered, "M...My intentions?" Aww hell, he felt like he was talking to his sweetheart's father. Only Ezra wasn't his sweetheart; yet and Josiah wasn't Ezra's father. At least, not by blood. But you couldn't tell Josiah that. He was real protective of Ezra. Seeing that Josiah was still waiting he cleared his throat and answered honestly, "I don't know. I....I mean I care about him a......lot, but I'm not sure it's gonna go anywhere."
Josiah nodded his head and replied, "I can understand that. Where do you want this to go?"
"Everywhere," he answered. The took a deep breathe and spilled his guts, "I want to love him Josiah and I want him to love me back."
"What about Charlotte?"
Vin tensed at that name. Damn weren't they ever gonna stop bringing her up. "She was a last attempt at denying what I felt," he explained with a small shake of his head. "She used me as much as I used her. When I was ......with her .......even before those men showed up I knew I wouldn't have been able to leave Ezra behind. At least, not without having have tried first."
Josiah nodded and said, "I wish I could tell you what to do, but you all ready know how stubborn Ezra is and that he's gonna fight you every step of the way."
"Yeah I know," Vin agreed, "but he's worth it." It had taken then almost a year just to get him to trust them. But to ask for someone's heart was a totally different matter.
The next morning Vin walked into the saloon and went straight to the table where the others sat and ordered him some breakfast. Hearing a door open and then shut he looked up and watched as Ezra walked down the stairs and felt the heart begin to race as he waited to see if the gambler would join them and sit in the only empty chair which was next to him or if he would just leave.
Ezra schooled his features as he noticed the only vacant chair was between Josiah and Vin so to buy him some time he walked over to the bar and poured himself some coffee. He decided that to simply leave would raise to many questions and pulled the chair out and sat down after nodding to the others.
Vin was real careful not to look at Ezra or the others for that matter. In stead, he just ate his breakfast. Stretching out his long legs Vin felt his leg brush against Ezra's and tensed.
Ezra nearly dropped his fork as he felt the buck skinned leg touch his. Jerking his leg away he kicked Josiah as he tried to crossed his legs and mumbled an apology as he put his leg back down.
The tracker felt a grin threatening and spread his legs so that his right leg touched Ezra's left one once again; causing him to jump. Then just because he wanted to see some kind of reaction Vin looked at his soon to be lover and asked, "Something wrong Ez?"
Clearing his throat he threw his napkin on the table and got to his feet, "No there's nothing wrong. I'll see you gentlemen later." And then as calmly as he could walked out.
Vin grinned out right as he watched Ezra leave. Ignoring the questioning looks on the other men's faces he turned his attention back to his food. And refused to even look at Josiah.
Chris hide his own grin as he watched the exchange, but would wait to question the tracker later. Then again, seeing the frown on JD's face he decided to just let him do it. He sometimes forgot that JD was more observant than he let on.
Watching Ezra leave JD reached over and took his forgotten biscuit and asked, "So what's going on between you and Ezra?"
Reaching for his coffee Vin took a quick sip to hide his nervousness and looked at a spot on the wall behind JD's shoulder and replied, "Nothing. Why?"
"Why? Well because when you're not avoiding him you're watching him with a funny look on your face," JD explained but was careful to keep his voice down.
The tracker froze and tried to think of something to say, but his mind had gone blank.
Josiah decided to show the young man a little mercy and distracted JD, "Are you gonna go see Casey this morning JD? Just to make sure she hasn't forgotten you since you've been gone."
JD wasn't as stupid as everyone thought he was. He knew what Josiah was doing and darted a quick glance at Vin and saw how uncomfortable he was; so he decided to play along and not press the issue. "Casey could never forget me," he boasted with a cocky grin. "But I am going to see her this morning anyway." Then pulled out his watch and said, "And if I hurry she'll just be finishing up with her chores and maybe we can go fishing. So I'll see you fellas later." Then grabbed his hat and left.
Vin's sigh of relief turned into a cough as he saw the others still looking at him. Feeling his uncertainty turn into anger and he pushed his chair back and got to his feet and said, "I don't owe you nothing." Then snatched up his hat and left.
"Well it's about damned time that boy woke up," Buck grinned. "Things are gonna get interesting around here."
"Always is with those two," Chris threw in with his own grin. Taking a shallow of coffee he wondered how in the hell he'd missed it. Looking at Josiah he wondered what his part in all of this was. "Josiah?"
The older man looked up and grinned. "Don't look at me. I know as much as you do. I just found out about it sooner is all."
Nathan looked from each of his friends' grinning faces and swore as comprehension finally dawned. "You mean? Vin and Ezra? But what about Charlotte?"
"Oh she didn't mean nothing. Just a last ditched effort at denial that failed," Josiah explained.
"I don't know what to say," Nathan mumbled. "I never would have guessed."
"There ani't nothing to say. It ani't got nothing to do with any of us," Chris pointed out.
"If Vin ever manages to lasso him he's certainly gonna have his hands full," Buck laughed.
"We'll have to keep an eye on them and see what we can do to help them along," Josiah suggested. "If need be."
Part 2
As Vin left the saloon he looked around for Ezra and decided to head for the livery only to see Ezra leaving and got a panicky feeling in his gut. Hurrying he quickly saddle his own horse and started to followed him but changed his mind. He knew that if he pushed or crowded Ezra he'd run and he'd never see him again and Vin didn't want to risk that. So he unsaddled his horse and walked over to the jail to wait for his return.
Ezra rode to a small stand of trees and dismounted and walked around just thinking. He thought about his hard fought for place with the seven. He thought about his growing closeness with Josiah. Thinking about Josiah made Ezra smile. The man had to have the patience of a hundred saints. After everything Ezra had put him and the others threw Josiah still stood up for him and more importantly..... believed in him. Just like a father should.
Looking up at the cloudless blue sky made him think about the one man he didn't want to. Vin Tanner. But just the thought of him made his breath quicken and his palms sweaty. Closing his eyes he could still feel Vin's hot breath against his lips and felt another part of his body respond causing his eyes to fly open.
With a frustrated sigh he took his hat off and tossed it into the trees. Ezra was no prude. He'd been attracted to men before. Hell he'd been attracted to Vin the first time he saw him in the saloon. However, he had never acted on that attraction..... until the other night. Pushing thoughts of the other night out of his head Ezra thought about his friends.
But Vin and the others were more than his friends..... they were his family. Well to be honest he'd never been able to think of Vin as a brother. And since he was being honest with himself Ezra had to admit that he tried damn hard not to think of the tracker at all. He didn't want to risk losing what he had fought so hard to achieve. What if what he felt for Vin didn't last? Or vise versa? Would he be asked to leave?
Ezra stopped pacing as a thought occurred to him that Vin might not want anything more from him than a kiss. He might not want anything more than one night. Hell Vin might not want even want that much. However, Vin had pressed his leg against his this morning - twice. And he knew that the long legged Texan wasn't usually a toucher. So it had to mean something. Right?
Then there was his reaction the other night. Ezra felt how much the tracker wanted him and remembering the feeling of being wrapped in his arms made him shiver and gave him hope.
Hearing his stomach rumble Ezra realized that he was hungry and that it was time he returned to town. He hadn't even told anyone he was leaving and wondered it they'd even missed him. "Aww hell," he muttered as he suddenly remembered tossing his hat into the woods and went in search of it.
"You're gonna ware a hole in the wood if you keep pacing back and forth like that," Chris teased the tracker as he stepped in front of him. He'd been watching Vin pace back and forth for the past hour and had finally had enough and had come to find out why.
"Go ahead and laugh," Vin mumbled. "I don't care," he said and sat down and placed his elbows on his knees and looked down the rode. "Where the hell is he?" he asked in a harsh whisper once again and jumped to his feet.
"Where's who?" Chris asked. He had a pretty good idea who, but wanted to see what Vin would say.
"Ezra! That's who," Vin snapped and started pacing again. He knew he should have followed him. He's been gone way to long..... something must have happened. Spinning around Vin collided with Nettie and nearly sent her flying.
"Oh gosh Nettie I'm sorry. Are you ok?" Vin asked in a rush.
"Yeah son I'm alright," she replied, "but ya need to watch where ya going."
"Yes ma'am," he agreed then felt his heart speed up as he saw a familiar plum colored jacket and breathed a sigh of relief as he saw Ezra dismount and go into the livery. Vin jumped as he was suddenly slapped on the arm. Turning he saw that it was Nettie and realized that she'd been talking to him.
"Didn't ya hear a word I just said?" she asked him. And when he said no she slapped him again.
"Dammit Nettie stop hitting me," he snapped and turned his attention back to toward the livery. Hoping to see for himself that Ezra was ok.
Nettie sighed and reached up and grabbed his chin and turned him to face her. "I asked if you boys would like to join us for supper?"
Pulling his chin away Vin asked, "All of us? Including Ezra."
The older woman flinched at his tone and realized that they still believed that she didn't trust the fancy dressed man. Nettie wouldn't go so far as to say she trusted him completely, but since Vin and the others did she figured that Ezra wasn't so bad after all. "Yes of course, it wouldn't be the same without him."
He didn't believe her for one minute and he wouldn't go anywhere that Ezra wasn't welcomed too. Including Nettie's. "Thank you just the same, but I think I'm gonna just hang around here tonight."
"Fine," she stated throwing her hands in the air and walking away.
Turning his attention back across the street he caught Ezra as he walked into the restaurant. Looking over at Chris he asked, "You hungry?"
The black clad gunslinger grinned and said, "I don't know. Kinda."
"Well ya look hungry to me. How about we go get something to eat?"
Chris nearly laughed out loud at the pleading look in the younger man's eyes, but merely got to his feet.
Later that night Chris looked up just as Vin walked in and watched as he made his way to their table toward the back of the saloon. "You in a better mood?" he asked him as he sat down.
"Yeah," was the reply. Fat lot you care, he silently grumbled. Hell by the time him and Chris walked into the restaurant the others were already there and he hadn't been able to sit by Ezra. He'd tried to get Chris to change seats with him, but the blond wasn't taking any of the hints he threw out. And Buck was sitting up in his chair instead of being sprawled out like he usually was making it impossible for him to even see Ezra much less touch him. Every time he moved Buck moved and all he'd been able to do was catch glimpses of him. So in a fit of frustration he threw is napkin down and stormed out. It was either that or he was gonna end up shooting his friend.
A couple of hours later Ezra got to his feet and with a sigh noticed that the saloon was empty. Picking up his shot glass and the bottle he'd been drinking from all night he walked around the bar to put them away. Hearing a noise made him look up and saw Vin standing in front of him.
Licking his suddenly dry lips Ezra asked, "Is there s..something I can do for you Mr. Tanner?"
Vin's eyes followed that tongue and merely shook his head and took a step closer only to stop as Ezra took a step back. Out of the corner of his eye he could see Ezra's hand laying on the bar and placed his on the bar as well and slid it forward until he was in touching distance and reached out and covered Ezra's hand with his own and linked their fingers together in a tight reassuring grip. Seeing those green eyes close Vin closed the distance between them and watched as Ezra's eyes popped open and widened as he saw how close he was.
"If this is about the other night......." Ezra trailed off and shallowing hard took a step back.
"I'm here to finish what you started," Vin told him and matched him step for step until Ezra ran out of steps and found himself against the wall.
"I... ," the southerner stammered.
The tracker tightened his hold on their linked hands and pressed a finger from his other hand against his lips and whispered, "Shhh. Don't talk."
The southerner felt his pulse racing and suppressed the groan that threatened to be heard as Vin traced his lips with his finger. "Mr. Tanner....... Vin I don't think this is such a good idea."
"Why? We're in the shadows and no one can see us," he said in a sexy husky voice placing his free hand on the wall behind them closing the distance between their bodies.
"I don't think......" Ezra didn't know where to put his hand and discovered that his hands had a mind of their own and rested on the curve of Vin's hips.
"Good. Don't think," Vin said pressing his body up against him, "just feel Ezra. Just feel." And watched as those green eyes fluttered closed and lowered his head and just as their lips touched the saloon doors flew open and Buck stormed in hollering for one of the saloon girls and causing them both to jump.
Ezra knew an opportunity when he saw one and ducked under Vin's arm and ran out the back of the saloon and made his way to his room using the rear entrance. Closing and locking the door behind him Ezra touched his still tingling lips and felt like screaming. Leaning against the door he slid to the floor and banged his head a couple of times in frustration. Stupid, stupid man, he told himself. He never should have touched him.
Vin closed his eyes and leaned his head against the wall where Ezra had been just two seconds before and tightly clinched his fist. Stepping out of the shadows he walked up to Buck and shoved two pressed together fingers in his face and growled, "I was this close to heaven and you ruined it." Stepping away from him he looked up at Ezra's door and swore before storming out of the saloon and leaving a grinning Buck to close up the saloon.
It was three days before Vin managed to catch Ezra alone again. Of course, that hadn't stopped him from touching him. Now all of a sudden the chair next to Ezra's was always empty and Vin took full advantage of it and pressed his leg against Ezra's every chance he got. Vin suddenly grinned as he remember this morning. He'd been sitting to Ezra's right and reached under the table with his left hand and squeezed the gambler's thigh causing him to drop his fork and send food scattering.
Rubbing his sore hand he thought back to what Ezra had done next. Ezra reached under the table and shoved his hand away, but he wasn't so easily swayed and after a moment he put it right back where it belonged. Then with a yelp pulled his hand back and glared at him.
The others exchanged a look and tried to hide their grins as they watched the exchange between their two friends.
"What the hell did ya poke me with?" Vin wanted to know.
"Merely a fork Mr. Tanner, " Ezra stated and threw it on the table and reached over and took Josiah's and after wiping it off he continued eating.
"Why?"
'Why?" he repeated with a pointed glare.
"That was no reason to poke me," he continued, "look it's bleeding."
"Tisk, tisk. I've bleed more shaving," Ezra replied. "And if you'd have behaved yourself than it would not have happened."
"I don't wanna behave. I've behaved all my life," Vin told him. Then leaned in close and stated, "I'm tired of behaving. And I think you are too."
The gambler just looked at him and stuttered, "I... I just w..want to eat my breakfast."
Leaning even closer he whispered just loud enough for the others to hear him, "I want to live Ezra. And I want you." And then blew in his ear just so he knew how serious he was.
Vin grinned as he remembered how Ezra had shuttered and how his green eyes widened in shock and wondered what he would have said if Mary hadn't walked in at the moment. Looking up he saw the object of his affection walking toward the livery and ran across the street and went in through the back and waited for Ezra to walk by and grabbed him and so he wouldn't shoot him Vin whispered in his ear that it was him. Then before Ezra could react Vin pulled him toward a dark corner and pushed him up against the wall and captured the prize that he had been denied for way to long.
He sighed as he felt Ezra open his mouth and pressed his body as close as he could. With his heart thundering in his chest Vin tentatively eased his tongue into Ezra's mouth and got his first taste of heaven and groaned as he pulled Ezra's tongue into his mouth. All to soon the need for air had them pulling apart. So Vin trailed kisses along Ezra's jaw and nibbled his ear before kissing his way back to Ezra's mouth and clutched him to him and growled deep in his throat as he felt the heat of Ezra's hands against his back pressing him closer. Vin reached for the buttons on his shirt wanting ..... no needing.... to feel him. To taste him. To smell him. Go slow, go slow, he pleaded with himself. "Ezzzrraa!" he moaned as reached inside the shirt and touched his firm chest just like he'd dreamed of. Screw slow, his body scream he wanted him now.
This is your friend. One of your very best friends in the world. You have to stop this before it gets out of hand, Ezra told himself. But his body wasn't listening to him. "Vinnn!" he moaned as he felt him pinch his nipples and reached up to run his hands through his hair and tugged his mouth away from his ear and back mouth and kissed him with all the pent up frustrations he'd been feeling. Ezra bucked his hips as he felt Vin touch him and allowed the touch for a moment before pushing him a little away. Swallowing hard he grabbed Vin face and looked him in the eye and said, "We can't Vin. We can't."
Vin blinked several times and squeaked out a, "Why?"
"Because," was all he could think of.
"Because? That's it. Just because," Vin snapped as he watched Ezra step away from him. "You can't stand there and tell me you don't want me because I can see that for myself. So why?"
"Because we're friends...."
"That's all the more reason we should. We all ready know each other," Vin pointed out as he watched Ezra straighten his clothes. "Dammit Ezra talk to me!!!"
"What the hell do you want from me?!!" he shouted.
"Everything," he whispered.
Ezra just shook his head and started to back away. "I'm..... I'm .... not ready for th.... that."
Do something, he silently shouted at himself, you can't just let him leave. "Not ready? So you're just gonna run again." Vin cursed himself as he saw the blood drain from Ezra's face and tried to close the distance between them, but Ezra wouldn't let him touch him. "I didn't mean it," he swore and felt tears form in his eyes at the pain he saw in those green eyes. "Ezra? Ezra please," Vin pleaded and reached for him only to have Ezra turn and run from the livery. "Shit, shit, shit," he muttered and damned himself a fool. He had to find him and apologize even on his knees if need be. Oh God, please don't let him do anything stupid, Vin prayed.
Part 3
Ezra ran into the alley behind the livery and thought he was going to be sick, but refused to cry. I told you so, he repeated over and over in his head. Just once he wanted to be given the benefit of the doubt, he thought and ran both hands through his hair. Hearing a noise he turned and watched Vin raced from the livery and peered around the corner and as soon as he walked into the saloon he walked back into the livery and quickly saddled his horse. Ezra froze as he heard the door open. Turning he breathed a sigh of relief at seeing Josiah.
Josiah looked at Ezra and could tell something was wrong. His hair was standing on end and he was pale as death. And saddling his horse. "Ezra you ok?" he asked.
"No, but I will be," was the reply. "I'm just going for a ride. I'm not running away," he told him.
"I never thought for a moment that you would," he reassured him. "Just promise me you'll be careful. Ok?"
Ezra just nodded and walked out of the livery and quickly mounted and rode away.
Josiah saw red as he watched Ezra leave and with one thought in his mind he went to the saloon.
Vin burst through the bat wing doors and cursed at not seeing Ezra. "Where is he?"
"Who?"
"Ezra!"
"Don't know. He hasn't been in here," Chris replied. This can't be good, he thought as he watched the pale tracker walked up to the bar.
With a heavy heart Vin grabbed a bottle of whiskey and quickly drank half of it. Then glanced at the mirror as someone walked in and let the bottle fall lifelessly from his hand as he saw it was Josiah. Swallowing hard he turned around started to back away. "I..... I didn't mean to do it Josiah. I promise. I....." Vin didn't get to finish as Josiah closed the distance between them and grabbed him by the throat and chocked off his words.
"I warned you didn't I? Didn't I?" he snarled. Josiah saw the tears welling up in those blue eyes and quickly released him and watched as Vin fell to the floor in a heap. "He's gone."
Vin snapped his head up and stared up at the older man then jumped to his feet only to be caught in a vise like grip again.
"Try the stand of trees about a quarter of a mile outside of town. That's where he usually goes when he needs to think," Josiah said. Then pulled him real close and snapped, "I don't know what you did, but don't do it again."
The tracker nodded and ran from the saloon and grabbed JD's horse and raced after Ezra and prayed it wasn't to late.
Ezra sat staring at the slow moving stream and hearing a rider approach he turned and saw Vin hop down and walk toward him. "What are you doing out here?" he asked and moved a little away.
"I was looking for you," Vin replied as he stepped closer to the older man. "Don't Ezra. Don't back away from me. I'm so sorry," he pleaded. Then took a deep breath, "I promise not to touch you, but Ezra we need to talk. May I join you?"
Ezra nodded, but kept his distance.
"Aww hell Ezra I went about this all wrong. I shoulda told you my intentions from the start instead of just grabbing ya," Vin told him as he sat down. "But before I say anything let me apologize for earlier. I didn't mean it the way you took it," he ducked his head and rubbed a shaky hand across his eyes. "I knew you wouldn't run.... run. I only meant you were running from...... me..... from ...... us."
Reaching out Vin went to take Ezra's hand, but the gambler move it out of reach. With a weary grin he said, "Come on Ez holding hands ani't really touching."
"You promised," the southerner reminded him. "I... I can't think when you touch me," he whispered.
The tracker blushed and felt his chest swell at the words and smiled, "Thank you, that's the nicest thing you ever could have said to me Ezra."
Ezra couldn't help, but grin in response to that smile.
Looking into those sparkling mischievous green eyes Vin whispered, "I love you." Wiping the grin completely off the other's face. "Shit," he swore softly. "Don't look so afraid Ezra. I've loved you for so long. Almost from the beginning. I fought it for so long, but I can't anymore. I don't want to fight it anymore. I want to live my life with you in it. Forever."
"What about Charlotte?" he couldn't help but ask.
"What about that Chinese girl?" he countered.
"I didn't run off with her did I?" Ezra pointed out.
Vin jerked as if he'd been slapped and explained, "That was my last effort at trying to deny what I felt for you. Even as I rode off with her I felt like I was leaving a piece of me behind; especially after I all but bit your head off for teasing me."
"I'm sorry about that. I should never have opened my mouth," Ezra apologized.
"No! Ezra I should be the one apologizing." Getting to his feet Vin walked toward the stream and stared at it for a moment. Alright Tanner, this is it. It's all or nothing, he told himself. Turning back he dropped to his knees in front of Ezra and asked, "Give me a chance Ezra? Give us a chance?"
Ezra hung his head and said, "No. I'm sorry Vin, but I can't."
"Why?" he asked with a breaking heart.
Reaching out Ezra gently touched Vin's cheek and closed his eyes as the tracker leaned into the touch. "Vin..... I don't have many friends. In fact, I only have six. And I don't ..... can't lose you or them. I wouldn't survive it."
"Ezra there's no reason why we can't have both. I can be your friend and your lover," Vin told him. "You trust me with your life now I'm asking ya to trust me with your heart. Ezra," he moaned and leaned closer, "I'll love you the way you deserve to be loved if you give me the chance."
Sensing him weakening Vin closed the distance between them and gently pushed him back until he was lying on the ground. Gathering him close Vin gently kissed him and only allowed it to deepen when he felt Ezra melt beneath him. Pulling back slowly Vin rubbed his nose against Ezra's and said, "I don't want to push you or rush, but before you make any decision think about this," he said with a slow sensual kiss. Then in a husky voice told him, "Think about how we make each other feel. Then ask yourself if you can walk away from it." Settling his body completely over his Vin let him feel just how much he wanted him and whispered, "I love you Ezra so much that.... that I sometimes think I might burst from it. But I don't want to hurt you or cause you any pain. So if it's time you need then take however much you need." Having said that Vin got to his feet and without looking back mounted up and rode back to town.
Turning Ezra balled his fists and swallowed the lump in his throat as he watch Vin ride away and just did resist the urge to call him back. After few minutes of staring at nothing Ezra got to his feet and jumped on his horse and headed back to town and the only man he trusted to help him.
Nathan watched as the gambler exited the livery and head for the saloon, but as he got nearer he could tell there was something wrong and asked, "Ezra are you ok?"
"Have you seen Josiah?" was all he said.
"Yeah, he's over at the church."
Ezra nodded and mumbled a quick thanks and headed across the street and the closer he got the more urgent was his need to speak with the older man. And by the time he got half way there he was practically running.
Nathan frowned as he watched Ezra run into the church and felt someone walk up beside him. Turning he saw Vin staring at the church with tears in his eyes, but before he could say anything the younger man turned and started walking away.
Josiah looked up as the door of the church was thrown open and quickly got to his feet as he saw Ezra. He watched as the younger man approached him with tears in his eyes and merely held his arms open and held him close as he cried. "It's ok Ezra. It's ok," he repeated over and over. I'll kill him, he silently threatened. When I get my hands on that scrawny little Texan I'll wring his neck. But right now he had more important things to worry about. Easing Ezra back a little he pulled his bandanna out of his pocket and wiped his tears and asked, "What's wrong Ezra?"
Ezra pulled away from him and smirked, "Wrong? What could be wrong?" He wasn't sure what to tell Josiah. Wasn't sure of his response.
"Does it have anything to do with Vin and him having feelings for you?" Josiah ventured. "Don't looked so shocked Ezra. I don't care who makes you happy - so long as they do."
"This must be my week for surprises," he mumbled. "He says he loves me."
"Do you believe him?"
"You have to understand Josiah. I've fought damned...." he broke off as he remembered where he was. "Sorry. I fought really hard to get where I am within this group and if I were to lose any of you because things didn't work out; I don't know what I'd do."
"Do you believe that Vin loves you?" he repeated.
"Yes," Ezra said with a heartfelt sigh.
"Do you love him?"
"I don't know. I could if I let myself," he replied. "But what if things don't work out? What if what we feel for each other doesn't last? What....."
Josiah stepped up to Ezra and said, "I can't believe I'm gonna say this; especially to you, but life's a gamble and you can't live it on what if's. Sometimes you have to take a chance and fight for what you want. Like you did with us." Taking a couple of steps back Josiah continued, "But Ezra, no matter what you decide you will not lose us. Win, lose, or draw you're stuck with us. Even Vin, if for nothing more than a friend."
Ezra cocked his head and suddenly grinned, "Win, lose, or draw? Is that the best you could come up with?"
With a laugh the big man shrugged, "For now son, for now."
"What do I do Josiah?"
"I'm sorry son, but I can't tell you what to do. All I can tell you is to think about what you'll be giving up," he replied.
Sighing Ezra turned as if to walk away only to turn back to say, "Thanks Josiah for..... for..... being there."
Josiah walked up and lifted Ezra off the floor in a big bear hug. He felt like a real father at that moment because Ezra returned his hug. He was so proud of Ezra for all the progress he'd made.
"Alright, alright put me down!" Ezra snapped. Straightening his clothes he sent him a dirty look and said, "Really Mr. Sanchez must you behave in such a manner. I do have a reputation to up hold."
"Reputation?" Josiah said with a shake of his head. "Here I am giving you the benefit of all my years and all you're worried about is your reputation. I'll give you a reputation!"
Ezra raised one eye brow and with a grin began to back away and managed to take one step out the door before Josiah grabbed him and yanked him back in.
Vin walked into the saloon and flopped down at the table by the window so he could see the church and waited. After a few minutes Chris sat down across from him and pushed him a drink; which he quickly down. Then said, "Thanks, but would ya mind moving I can't see."
"Ezra giving you trouble," Chris guessed as he moved to another chair. "Don't look so surprised Vin. We aren't stupid ya know. Especially after this morning. So why aren't ya with Ezra instead of sitting in here looking like someone just shot your horse?"
"Different reasons," the tracker mumbled. "The main one is that he's afraid to take the chance of losing us all."
"So why aren't you with him changing his mind?" Chris pushed.
"Because it has to be his decision," Vin snapped and suddenly got to his feet and swore before running out of the saloon.
Chris and the others jumped to their feet and raced after him.
Vin could hear Ezra hollering and pushed open the door and stared in shock. Josiah had Ezra pinned to the floor and was tickling him.
Josiah couldn't stop laughing and the more Ezra pushed him the more he laughed. Until finally the younger man all but kicked him away and got to his feet.
Ezra stared in horror at the four faces looking at him with grins on their faces. The fifth and most important just looked at him with a blank expression on his face before turning and walking away. Ezra hung his head and turned and without saying a word walked out the back of the church.
Vin couldn't believe how much he wanted to punch Josiah's face in as he straddled his soon to be lover. Ezra was his dammit. He's the one that fought so hard to break through to him and he lets Josiah tickle him.
Either Ezra or Vin saw each other again until later that night at the saloon. Where they watched each other while the other wasn't looking. And so set the pattern for the next two days. The others didn't want to make matters worse, but wanted to help just the same. So they made sure that chair next to Ezra was always free. Which Vin took full advantage of, but didn't touch him. He wasn't gonna influence him in any way. But he wasn't going to go away either.
The others waited until the two of them left before saying anything. "I don't know about you guys, but it's damned depressing just being around those two lately," JD said causing them all to grin and think to themselves, out of the mouths of babes.
The next morning Ezra watched as each of the others left to do whatever it is they did to keep themselves busy through out the day. Getting to his feet he walked over to the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey then went up to his room and glanced at himself in the mirror and for the first time noticed the dark circles under his eyes and the pallor of his skin. Looking at his reflection he asked himself what he wanted. Do you want to keep living like this or take a chance on love.
Then without giving himself a chance to change his mind Ezra left his room and went in search of his confidant.
Josiah grinned as he watched as Ezra rode out of town and said a silent prayer of thanks. Now to find Vin. Just as he neared the mercantile someone went flying through the saloon window and landed in the middle of the street. Stepping over the unmoving cowboy Josiah went into the saloon and joined the fray.
It was over all to quick and as they were straightening up Buck asked, "Any one seen Ezra?"
"Ezra! Oh no, I forgot about him," Josiah groaned and was suddenly turned around.
"What about him?" Vin asked in a hard voice.
"He asked me to tell you to meet him outside town. Said he wanted to talk to ya," the ex-preacher explained.
Vin wasted no time and hurried from the saloon and jumped on his all ready saddled horse and headed out of town.
Josiah felt the others looking at him and grinned. "Don't worry boys things are gonna be just fine."
Vin slowed his horse and pulled him to a stop and looked for Ezra, but didn't see him anywhere. Dismounting he tied his horse next to Ezra's and felt his heart drop as he spotted the gambler lying in the grass not moving. Slowly making his way toward him he breathed a sigh of relief as realized that he was just sleeping. Taking his jacket off he dropped to his knees and laid it across him and stretched out on his side and just watched him. Leaning over he brushed a kiss on his cheek and as he was moving back he felt a hand on his back pressing him closer and looked up and got lost in a pair of jade green eyes.
Ezra sighed and pulled his tracker closer and gently kissed him. With a groan he buried one of his hands in Vin's hair and opened his mouth inviting him to deepen the kiss.
Vin felt his heart sing at the gift being given to him and slowly traced Ezra's open mouth with his tongue before delving deeper. He shifted his lean body so it was lying completely on Ezra's and shuttered as legs opened inviting him even closer and he began to gently rub himself against the heat beneath him.
The need for air forced Vin to finally break off the kiss and start raining kisses along Ezra's jaw until he reached his ear and then the juncture between his neck and shoulder. Sucking hard he left a mark and whispered in Ezra's ear, "You're mine now."
Ezra could only nod as he pulled Vin's suspenders down and started on the buttons on his shirt so he could get to the flesh beneath. Once that tasked was accomplished he tugged the shirt out of the pants and slid his hands underneath. Sliding his hands up Vin's back he then ran them across his chest and tried to push the shirt off his shoulders and stretched up and touched his tongue to the pulse beating at his neck.
Vin nearly lost it when he felt Ezra's tongue on his neck and with groan rolled off him and unto his knees. "Ezra!" he breathed. "We have to stop."
The gambler pushed the buck skin jacket away and also got to his knees. "Stop? Why?" Then pulled off his own jacket and tossed it aside with his vest soon joining it. Then started on his shirt.
"Because," was all he could think of as he was mesmerized by the sight of Ezra undoing his shirt and revealing his chest beneath.
"Because? Is that all you can think of?" Ezra asked as the undid his cuffs and put the links inside his pocket. Then moved closer to him.
The tracker shallowed hard and said, "I don't want to rush you into anything you're not ready for."
"Oh believe me Vin you're not rushing me into anything." Then reached over and ran his hands up his chest and smiled as he started panting.
"Will you behave," he said and grabbed his wrists, but instead of pushing him away Vin pressed him closer.
"I thought you were tired of behaving and wanted to live. And wanted me." Then with a wicked grin and a twinkle in his eyes Ezra reached down and in a bold move cupped him in his hand.
"Ezra!!" he shouted and moved into the touch and reached out and pulled him to him and shivered as Ezra began to suck on his neck.
"Now you're mine, " Ezra stated looking into Vin's eyes and eased him down to the ground and pushed their shirts open shirts out of the way and settled on top of him causing them both to suck in a shaky breath as flesh touch flesh for the first time.
Vin ran his hands down to Ezra's lower back and then cupped his bottom and pressed their groins together and growled deep in his throat. "Does this mean you're gonna give us a chance?"
"What do you think?" Ezra asked as he nibbled on his ear.
"Say it. I need to hear the words."
Ezra pushed up and rested on one elbow and then with a finger traced Vin's eye brows, nose, jaw, and finally his lips. Then in a clear strong voice said, "I want to give us a chance."
Closing his eyes the tracker clutched the smaller man to him. "Thank you Ezra. You won't regret it."
"Love me," came a husky southern plea and Ezra watched as sparkling blue eyes darkened with desire.
Still clutching Ezra tightly to him Vin suddenly rolled so that he was on top and as he lowered his head he pledged, "Forever Ezra. Forever." The sealed it with the sweetest most sensual kiss that either of them had ever felt.
The End